I'm back from Sydney....

I've had to create a new account because when I was at my mum's I updated, I couldn't remember how to clear the history so I had to delete my account, but stupid mindsay, they keep telling me that I already have an existing account on my email address and my name already exists, that makes me think that my account didn't delete, but stupid mindsay has no way of telling me this or telling you if you are able to reactivate you account. I hate this new Mindsay.

But anyway, about wha happened down there, I'll have to update you all on that later, Katie's round and I gotta go occupie her and we are going out tomorrow and I haven't been sleeping very well so I'm going to get an early night.

Hope everyone's good.

Amy

I have pink hair....yes pink...well it actually isn't that pink....more maroony, it's actually very dull now from spending all day yesterdat at Wet n Wild.....but I have pink hair!!!

We are doing our Chrissy shopping tomorrow, very last minute I know, and I don't even know what I am going to buy everyone, thankfull I already have Justin's. Still anoyed with Ben with the whole he's glad I couldn't get him the present I was going to because he thought it was shit.....WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME IN THE FIRST PLACE! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I WAS GOING TO SPEND!!

I miss Booga. I don't know what's going on with us at the moment. We don't seem to be getting on very well and there seems to be a lack of love, b ut hey, maybe I'm just reading it wrong, I hope I am....

Well I am hopefully going to get my belly button pierced tomorrow, we'll see tomorrow. Oh well gotta go read a book, have a shower, shave a cat. BYE!

I love my little cloud, it's so fluffy and white and high in the sky, it makes all the people look like little ants and the cars like those hotweels cars you can now buy from the newsagencs.

Well Booga turned 18 on Wednesday! Woopi! Or maybe not....it's now illegal for us to be together. :'( G.I. Jane very sad.  Booga got sick at hi party, but other then that it was a pretty ok night.  It was great seeing him, it was really reasuring, well I am a girl, I need to be reasured once in a while. I gave him two shirts, big glass, keyring and a dvd, all batmat and superman of course. He gave me this beautiful pair of ruby earings and a crystal thingy wich I'm going to hang in my window. Love them both.

Well it is the 2nd day of 2005, how do I feel? No different, no older, just scared, nervous and distrustfull of the year to come. We had a good New Years. Matrossi, Kate, Kitten, Rhys, Maddy (Kate's friend from South Australia), Booga and I whent up to South Bank, had food, fooled around, watched the kidies fire works then whent back to Beenleigh. Booga whent to the Rivermount party and the rest of us whent up to Sare's. I ended up going hoome because I wasn't feeling to well, so I rang in the New Year with a kiss and a huge with my dad.

Well Tubby just cooked me breakfast and we are about to watch the man who sued god, so bye bye!

Oh by the way, I have bright pink and jet black hair, got it done New Years Eve.

Hello Hello!

How is everyone enjoying their holidays so far? Me, well I am pretty sure I am loving them. I love being able to spend all this time with my dad, I mean, the reason why we are isn't good but I'm aloud to make the most of it.

Emma was up here on Tuesday. It was great seeing her. I have missed her soooo much. She's looking really good. Seeing her made me realise how much I miss both her and Amy and all the (non-seen/non-known) fun we used to have. I don't meen the big things, the little things.

I still remember the first day I met Amy and Emma. Emma was a total bitch and Amy pulled me out of form to bitch about Princess. Imediate friends with Amy, but it took me a while to get to know Emma. She was so self protective and snotty....hehehe but the Emma now.....the thoughts just too funny.

I hate admitting it, but I am terified about this year. All me friends have left school. If something goes wrong between me and Petra I'm screwed. I can't hang with my best friend Molly cause she'll be with Kaylz and she hates my guts, Dani and I's friendship whent down the drain, I can't hang with Tegan and them because of the imaturity barier, can't hang with Eliot or Angus because of stupid idiot asshole mates and I souly screwed up mine and BJ's friendship.  I mean I'll be fucked. Justin's going to be there but do you really thing I'm going to get on with him and whatever doosh bags he hooks with. I have to put all my trust in Petra and the year 11 side of the group. I will always have Aleesha thankfully. She's like my big sister. 

I'm rambling again, I'm good at that aren't I?

Well Booga and I are great, loving that but hating my bro for interupting us the other night.

Have fun everyone! Cause life is a never ending party, hehehehe, I think that I shouldn't mix medication's. HEHEHEHEHE!

Well you all know what the time is seeings it posts. I haven't been to sleep yet. I have been sitting in mini tabs' room for the past three hours talking about ... well a whole lot of shit really. Gave me alot of time to think. He has to get up in 2 hourse and go to school so i thought i'd better let him sleep. Now I am sitting outside of the sleeping house by myself, wanting a smoke, gives me alot of time to think, don't know if that's really a smart idea.

Had a really good bitching dm session with tabs last night. It's obvious to the both of us what's obvious to everyone else, well atleast those who have voiced their opinions on the subject.  Can not disclose any more on the subject due to prying eyes. But why else would I write it???

Oh look it's raining again. I am surounded by labradoodles. Coolest but scariest dog at the same time. Have finally worn up to them. Must stop telling them about shuving elephants up their asses.

So this is a sleep deprived me...was wondering where she'd gone. All those mornings of that preppy piece of shit waiking up and this is what it was hiding. I shall now release myself (after killing all these damn bugs that are attracted to the lap top) upon the world and let them fully experience this knew found ... thing.

Totally wishing I wasnt by myself rite now. Not that I am depressed or anything, just sick of allways being alone. Physical alowness is dimineshing but mental is still going strong. I wish I could put some music on but I have no idea where the volume switch is......

Miller seems to have disapeared. Last I saw of him he was on the couch watching red dwarf, i wounder where he has gone?... There is someone sitting up in the other room, would like to investigate, but there is a monster sleeping in there that doesn't like me very much by the name of Tammy....But I mean...how can you be distancing yourself for that hunk of love when he is leaving in a couple of hours...I don't like her for that, but I like her for the fact that i like her, don't really know why. She reduced Tabs to tears. He wanted to be left alone so I left, all I wanted to do was give him a big warm hug, but i couldn't entirely, can't really explain how i feel about tabs. Its an interesting feeling, but again, have to stop from those prying eyes.

I am going to go now because I have been rambling, sorry about the spelling. Sleep well people and make sure to keep your toothbrushes in your mouth and not up your nose.

Well they truly stuffed those of us who suck at Extension Maths this year...all the damn classes are Extension!!! Same with English!!! I am incharge of building a new fence and gate for the vinyard and making sure the olives are standing up straight in Horticulture. What an exciting week. Nah it was ok.  I have my FB in just about all my classes.

I smoked to much over the holidays and now I am itching for one. It's not good. I blame Tab's, the hunky beast. I miss our bitching drunken sessions already...how am I going to be in 3 months?!?!

My life isn;t very exciting at the moment...

I got a new job!!! I am starting work at Chris' on Friday. 5 till closing, starting at $25 a night. It's going to be interesting...he'll give me shit when I get things wrong and when I do them right. He's an interesting fellow our Chris. Hmmmmm!

I am getting a lap top doooo daaaaa doooo daaaaa! I can't wait, we are going to try and get me one of those ones that don't need a cord for the interenet, all depends on price. Does anyone know how much space it will need on it for Movies??? Shall be asking Miller next time I talk to him, should be the best one to know.

Well back to the non-interesting life of me....

Hmmm...I miss sex...

I saw my Booga today. He lied. He said that he was going to feed all my addictions when I saw him today...but he didn't, there is one that still needs to be fed ='-( . I supose I shall just have to wait for that one huh?

I forgot to ask you today Booga, is there anyone off limits? Think really hard before answering that question and I will totaly respect what ever you say. I have to rethink it too, so ignore everything I've said on the topic.

I had to do up a resume tonight. SCARY!!!  It's so funny when you read it, I still don't know my current employers last name, good one huh?

I am applying for a Bussiness traineship in a Soliciters office in Bundall. I think it's a 4 year. God I never have anything intersting to write about anymore. What ever happened to that writer I am suposed to be?

Well I well and truly screwed my body yet again. I have done something to my siatic nerves in both my legs. I am just so good at screwing up my body aren't I? Next monday I will try and cut off one of my fingers in D.T. Sounds like fun, maybe I'll give myself a nice poke in the eye with a pencil or maybe an iron pord, whatever is on hand that will cause the most pain...

Wanna hear my monolog that I had to write in the character of a thief in the Tsunami burial sites? Well here you go then, my writing is alsways crapy and sends quite chirpy people to sleep.....

I have never felt so ashamed in my life.  Seeing all those morning faces, the tears of compassion falling from their sodden cheeks like the petals of a dead rose...slowly...gracefully.  But the world didn't smell like a rose, not even one that had been rotting for centuries.  The small of death on the hair, you could taste it in your mouth even on the stillest of days.  For the first week it took every inch of me to stop myself from vomiting, now, I just carry myself around a bucket which i empty at every chance I get.  As I walked around the cemetery, it was if I was seeing the world for the first time through another beings eyes. Walking from grave to grave taking the gifts, bags, clothing and food of the dead.  As I looked into the accusing faces and at the bodies to grief stricken to move, I thought to myself, "How did I get so desperate to steel from the dead?" I didn't know. No, this wasn't desperation, it was wickedness and I deserve to burn in hell for my sins. But I am already in hell.  The rotting flesh and unclosed eyes that burn into my souls like a hot poker, searing my flesh leaving a black scorched whole where my heart used to reside. Day after day I will walk around those graves. A gruesome but sincere smell lingering in the air. I wish I was one of those who's life had ended in one single blow, one single blow of water so cold, so frightening, but so welcoming as well. I would of welcomed the relief of no more suffering.

It has been to long since I have written something, how bad is that?

Well I had my first night at Chris' last night.  It was pretty damn hard last night, first time I;ve ever used a cash register, I kept mucking it up. But he payed me and I wasn't expecting him to, I was expecting to work last night for free...oh well...cash is good.

Hehehehe! My dad doesn't know but he's just agreed to buy me some smokes, he thinks he's buying them for Booga, hehehehe, I'm evil.

I can't wait for my Levi to be back. I am missing him so much. *SOB* We had a great chat the other night, I lost count of how many hours it was for. Hmmm...miss him.

Well Aleesha's party's tonight. I have my mask but no present. EICK!!! Must go buy present, hmm and eat breakfast, and shower, oh yes and we can't forget the Elephant up the labradoodles but, I nearly forgot about that one too. We musn't forget the labradoodles!

I don't know whether to be upset, angry or ignore it. Booga posted this on his blog and I don't know know how to react to it:

Ever wonder if something u dont want to do, but is better for the one you love. Is letting it happen noble or just plain gutless.

Well Levi is back today, I can't wait to see him. I tried to call him to see if he wanted to meet up after school because I'm still a little depressed, but he must of been on the plane because there was no answer.

I pierced the underneath of my tounge this morning. Dad will not know as I have bought a tiny tiny sleeper for it.

I have no idea what's going on betweem me and Ben. I was so agry but upset at him last night. I mean; I put so much damn effort into us seeing each other and he can't even be bothered to ask his mother if it's ok if I can come down, even for an afternoon. I'm the one who gets up at godly hours of the morning, while sick I must add, to go down and see him even if it's just for a couple of hours. I said that I will pay for his petrol to come up here...either he starts putting more effort in or it's going to be over, I can not stand it. I have tried subtle hints, joking hints, every hint under the sun,  have asked him, but this time I am going to have to tell him.  But I am pretty sure non of your want to hear about my problems with Booga.

My mummy will be up in the next couple of weeks, I guess I better start organising Wongers birthday...what to do what to do...

I have something I really want to write about but I can’t. There’s no one that I can talk to about it and I’m itching to talk to someone about it. It’s not bad, but I really wanna talk about it. Booga knows what it is but I can’t talk to him about the emotional side of it which really sucks.

If the music you listen to is suposed to reflect the mood you are in...what does Higher Ground by the Chilli Peppers mean?

To me I am in a great mood.  I had the Drama thing with Mr. Wright this afternoon and it is so great (play reading).  We took Angus home and him and I are starting to get good again.  I had my leadership development day today...ok yes some of it was kinda boring but that was to be expected.  I talked to "MO" for the first time since "MN" and things are good (I think anyway).  I am seeing Booga tomorrow so I will get laid. I have been so horny for the last week and reading pussy patters stuff didn't help.  I am seeing Dick on Friday night. I think I might go into my room, turn some music up really loud and dance my little heart out.

Have a good night everyone!

Oh yeah there is also a new Lesbian at our school!!!

The whole endorfine energy thing started to wear off this arvo.  But I am sure that I will soon be able to recindle it "wink wink".

I had a good English lesson, did no work and found out that Booga isn't the only one that appreciates my talents. Hehehe! It's so nice to feel loved.

Suposedly "MO" has liked me for ever...I mean I knew he had a crush on me but...yeah well you get the picture.  I told Booga that and he said that I must of made his dreams come true.  Well I don't think it was that great on his part. I WAS still kinda stoned after all.  But hey.....well yeah....

I must go finish my English assignment stuff and get laid. Everyone have a good night...I know I will "wink wink"

Hello! Hello!

Well spoke to Kylie...things are good, there was no biting of the head offness.  I am having my eyes tested tomorrow. I have stuffed my knee and I have a bad headache.  I am spending the arvo with Mitchel and Rachel tomorrow, shall be interesting.

Booga and I are going through one of those periods, I am so affraid that I will say something to hurt him and that is the last thing I want to do...

Well I was in the middle of updating last night when my father and I had a fuge fight and I got kicked out of home.  I walked out of the house still in my sports uniform, walked around the house to get my shoes and walked all the way to Jason's house where I talked to Jason and Shannon, walked a little further done that road and sat down for a couple of hours.  After sitting there and watching Justin drive past me and go home, I started to walk home. I got to Brunelies and realized I had already stuffed my hip up enough for one night so I whent inside and called Justin, after talking to Hayle (girl in my class elder sister) for a while.

When I got home I gave dad a hug and we all just pretended that it didn't happen.  I had an appointment with the school nurse today were we talked for about 3 periods.  It was good to just talk and not have to worry about what she'll say or how she's judging me, because she doesn't. It was really good, we got on really well, and she made me feel alot better about what's been going on in my head.  That's what I miss about MO being at the college now, he was the person I could talk to about anything. And Booga, I don't want to talk to him about it because I don't want to cause even more problems. I messed things up last week enough to last us a life time.

If you all didn't know by now, I broke up with him, I made a stupid decision, which just proves I'm not mature, I'm not nice, I'm not anything that you all think of me. I'm just a stupid, young, niave, girl who doesn't know what's she's doing. 

Well now that I have finished bitching about last night and myself, I can bitch about Levi.

He was supposed to be picking me up after school this afternoon. I sent him a text at 3:30, no reply.  I called him at home at 4:00, no answer, I also rang his mobile but it was turned off. I tried his home number again and Suzana picked up and she had no idea where he was. I rang again at 4:30, no answer and turned off again.  I had to get Donna to drive me home.  When I got home I rang the number of the person who rag me during period eight and I got the Franklin's. Levi had been their all day.  WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T HE CALL ME AFTER CLASS, OR DURING BREAK!!!  He made me wait at the school for an hour and a half, he could've gotten one of the boys to call me, OR JUST TURN HIS FUCKING PHONE ON!!!

Ok all done now.  I got work tomorrow, am seeing Levi before hand as Friday ritual. I am feeling much better now.

Fern loved my glasses, she also loved the fact that she has a new pair too, Dolce of course, but very different.  I'd post a pic but i can't remember how....I suck I know.

Well things are good...I think anyway. I am in a happy mood.  Just finished the Biography and I am 200 words over but I refuse to delete any of it.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  I'm talking to Tab's, he found the letter I wrote on his laptop the night of his going away party the other day. He just read a bit back to me and it's so funny...listen to this.....

"...Poor old me has been left with so much time to think by herself, it’s so dangerous…I thought I mite go and find an elephant but I thought, where could I find an elephant at this time, there are no elephants in town as far as I know…do you know where I can find one?..."

Hehehe! That's called sleep deprived Amy that's being eaten alive by march flies.

Fern loved my glasses, she also loved the fact that she has a new pair too, Dolce of course, but very different.  I'd post a pic but i can't remember how....I suck I know.

Well things are good...I think anyway. I am in a happy mood.  Just finished the Biography and I am 200 words over but I refuse to delete any of it.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  I'm talking to Tab's, he found the letter I wrote on his laptop the night of his going away party the other day. He just read a bit back to me and it's so funny...listen to this.....

"...Poor old me has been left with so much time to think by herself, it’s so dangerous…I thought I mite go and find an elephant but I thought, where could I find an elephant at this time, there are no elephants in town as far as I know…do you know where I can find one?..."

Hehehe! That's called sleep deprived Amy that's being eaten alive by march flies.

Well today was interesting, saw the photo of me in the paper, it wasn't that bad amazingly.

I was reading this guys blog last night and it seriously pissed me off. He was complaining about how teenagers think it's the fashion to be depressed and wear black and that kinda shit. It pissed me off because he was saying everything that described me, except the depressed thing. SOME OF US ARE ACTUALLY LIKE THIS!!!!!! I love old things as everyone knows...I mean look in my fucking glory box!!!

Mum is getting here in about an hour, maybe not even that, oh shit i gotta go clean my room. I may be back on later. Bye!

Mum and I walked into Bra World yesterday to get me fitted, I told the chick was size bra's I was currently wearing and her jaw just dropped, she said that I sould be wearing a D to DD, I'm scared...I certainly don't take after my mother. It's good because I have big tits and some of the bra's I now have...are...just...stunning, but bad because so many places didn't have that size. Damn fashions. Bought some new lingerae today, red bra, matching undies and camisole and a pink one with love hearts. I loved them. Well now you all know about my underwear status.

Mum whent home this morning. We got to Karin's at 7:00am. To damn early for a Sunday morning. It was really good to see her and I think Wongers had a good birthday. She's buying his sub for his B-day present. It's quite funny, for his birthday; mum comes up from Sydney and buys him a $250 sub for his car, for my birthday she's paying for half of my $70 converse shoes...does anyone else see a problem there? Nah I don't care, it's his 18 and it's important to him...but unfortunetly I now have to suffer the alfa male syndrome in our house.  HELP ME!!!

Dick's 19th next Saturday...going to be intersting...I wonder if Booga's going...and if he's going to be...civil???

Nothing makes you feel more powerful then to hold a gun in your hand...especially if you're game to turn in on yourself

Darren, 5 months before he shot himself

I woke up this morning with my right breast really painful and really hard. It has been like that all day and it's really hot to the touch. I talked to Donna today about it and she said that it sounds like I'm milking, but there is no way I am pregnant. We've done a self check and nothing suspicious there...if it's not better within three days, I'll have to go to the doctors...I really hope there's nothing seriously wrong and it has something to do with my cucle or something. Damn womeness!

I need comfort food**

• sexy lingerae
• underwear
• emergency tampons
• LBB, LBS, LBD
• wallet/purse
• smokes (if you smoke)
• macindoll
• condoms

Nothing much intersting happen today. Whent up to Forest thins arvo with Renee and Arna like every afternoon. Nothing extreamly out of the ordinary happen there, though Miss Ferny came up, was nice to see and talk to my Miss Ferny. I so can't wait for her catalogue to come out, it's a new label so it'll have a catalogue all of it's own.

I spoke to MO this arvo for the first time since he chose me over the bimbo, was very...intersting...

I'm so glad Monica is so understanding...I love Mon, she's an angle. How could you not think her juicy goss was juicy goss Booga? Just because someone doesn't make out with everyone they like doesn't mean it's not juicy!!! Hey that's saying something about me...hehehe...oh hang on, there's plenty of people I like that I've never made out with...so yeah! *pokes out tounge*

OOOOH I'M LOVED

casino gaming

I was up last night every half hour to an hour either throwing up or going to the toilet, so I didn't get much sleep...so I'm home today.  I feel much better though, I can eat and keep things down, so it's good.

Dad and I had a bit of an argument last night and I'm not aloud to go out this weekend...AT ALL...so to make it up to him I have to clean my room, the louge room, the kitchen, the bathrooms, wash dishes, and do all of my assignments.  It's going to be a fun day...I actually have to start in a minute seing it's already 10:30.

MY BOOB DOESN'T HURT ANYMORE!!! I'm so happy...it was getting really bad, well it still hurts a little bit, but it's nearly all better.

God Geremy has changed alot since I met him. When I first started talking to him he was really shy and had no confidence...well that's certainly changed and I'd like to think that I had something to do with it.  Well I'm going to go now...

Oh crap...what am I going to give Dick for his birthday?!?!?!

Well it's official, I have another alternate personality...Betty or Betty Big Boobs...hehehe...I blame mum for the name...but she's has been passed off as eligable..so there you go...she will be round later to introduce herself propely...

Well it was Richard'd 19th last night. Interesting points of the night...

• I made out with Tammy
• Playing paper dunk with Kim
• Discovering that Dick can be a real **** face
• Mucking around with Ger...yes...ummm...*cough*...mucking around

So as you can see it wasn't the greatest party in the world but there were some parts there hich I wouldn't trade.

This Norah Jones song is really sus...I don't know why I didn't come...maybe because she talks about it so damn much...I dunno...it's just sus...

I think there is something wrong with my phone, the alarm doesn't like to go off so I am late for school every morning and then last night when Dick called, it made this really sick sounding beep and cut him straight off, I didn't even get a chance to answer it, thankfully he called back.

I found out some very intersting infomation from my text talk with Dick...some very intersting infomation about Kim and Marcus, to do with me...I dind't really know how to react to it...well how is someone suposed to react to being told that two people you've only met once want to have a threesome with you? Please tell me so I can react to it and move on...

I look like I've been punched in the eye...don't worry, I didn't, I got my eyebrows waxed and I couldn't see my normal person and she did do a very good job...Oh well

Wel Justin and I are going to go and get stoned...have a good day everyone.

I got my latest test results back the other day. It seems that my ovaries haven't been producing eggs. They are going to give me some kind of special drug to kick start them...if that doesn't work, I have to look into freezing eggs for IVF later in life. I wish I had longer to get used to the idea. It hadn't really hit me until yesterday, and it couldn't of hit me at the worst time...but we won't go into that...

I had a flash back while I was in the shower this morning of Saturday night...it had something to do with Geremy and I told myself that I had to post it on here cause it was really funny, but now I can't remember what it was...I am so lame...

Stupid Computer, I have to go throw and fliter EVERYTHING! Well missed the bus this morning, *cough* right. Been talking o this Mitch guy most of the day. He's a mate of Dicks, that's right I still have to post about Tuesday night don't I? I have nothing really to say but I'm bored, so here's a random tangent...

I just got a message from Peter asking me if I was positive I didn't want to buy anything off him...I can't afford it even if I wanted too.  We are eating sausagers for dinner...I think I may need to go and see the doctor, I am eating hardly anything, I hardly eat breakfast, I'm going with out lunch and when it comes to dinner, eick. The only time I eat is when I'm stoned...Wongers thinks I should get stoned more often wit him simple because I eat. Humph, I'm fine how I am , besides, I could use with loosing some more weight. As we all know...

I like body piercings...I saw the best nipple piercing the other day, nothing fansy, but it was the best looking one I've seen, still haven't seen Jack's, *grumble grumble*. I wonder how he is...He's at Uni I think...most of them are...just left me up here. You know sometimes I hate our group up here, because Kittenz is like 3 days before mine, mine always gets forgotten..I hate it...Oh well, Tabs is 5 days after mine and we've promised each other do to something for each other on the day to make it memorable...hmm I have to think about that...what can I do with him in ADFA? HELP!?!?

I really have to get a good picture of myself. All the ones I have are shitty and make me look super fat, and I'm not super fat, I'm curvascious, and no that's not code for fat. I'm having a really immature day. Geremy scared me before, he asked me why I had never shown him my boobs? Interesting huh? Iam suspecting his lust for me more and more every day...and you know what stupid me turned around and said to him? You've never asked! What the fuck was I thinking? Someone please tell me because I'd like to know so I can beat myself up over it...

Hmm still haven't told about the test results, really haven't been in the mood for the pitty and feeling sorry for me. I mean, when I try and talk about it realisticly, everyone goes no, be positive, well how can I be fucking positive when they say at the moment I can't have kids?! Why can't I dwell on it instead of being strong for everyone else? I want to hit something. When I was given the choice of having the operation for my hip so I wouldn't have any pain, but it meant I couldn't have kids, I said NO! I'll deal with the pain, Iwant kids. But now...why the fuck did I bother? Really? Why bother with it anymore. We spend so much fucking money on trying to make me well, but it does fuck all! I just keep getting worse!

I'm seriously fucked up. You know, when I'm older, I'll be one of those people women who are a bitch to all men and I'll let the love of my life get away because I have such a phobia of getting involved with anyone, I'll be so involved in my work, and I'll have no friends. I'll be old, childless, friendless, companionless and all I'll have is a job which I'm brilliant at but I'll be miserable because I never enjoyed it.

DAAADAAMN!

I'm at home alone waiting for Rachel to pick me up. We're going down the coast to so some shopping! WHOO HOO! I actually think they might of gotten lost...They were ment to be here at 11:30, I saw a car drive slowly down the road , turn in our drive way, back out, then drive away...hmmmm.  Tabs gets home on Thursday! I can't wait!

You really know you're loved when noone cares when your birthday is.

~Mountain group #1: they always forget my birthday because Sarah's is 3 days before mine and throw a party for her.

~Mountain group #2: they forget my birthday because it's Julius' the day before.

~ Beenleigh group: Well I dont think they really care (I know Booga doesn't after what he said today) and it's going to be forgoten because Tabs is on the 25th.

It's nice to know that I'm loved enough for my friends to remember my birthday...

But on a good note...

It does make you feel loved when someone (who's not your boyfriend...even though your ex never did so) takes the night off work JUST TO SPEND THE AFTERNOON WITH YOU. I mean just to spend time with me. Now that makes me feel lived. I don't remember Booga ever doing that for me...ever...but if I'm wrong, I'll apologise, but until then...I'm going to feel loved by the other person...

I took down all the old posters off my walls today. Feels good to have new ones up there. No more Freddie Prince Junior and Julia Stiles snuggling on my wall.

I am getting my tonsils out on Thursday the 31st of March. I have to be at Logan Hospital at 6:45 in the morning...did I tell you? Not looking forward to it, and right in the middle of the Holidays, it really sucks ass.

Well my plan for this week...

Monday: be at school at 7:50am for THX rehearsal, Drama workshop till 6 in the afternoon.

Tuesday: finish my room

Wednesday: Training for Volley Ball

Thursday: specialist apointment in the early hours of the morning at Logan Hospital...should be party at Tabs' at night

Friday: Duno yet...I have all day to waiste..aslong as I am at work at 5:00...am hoping to get laid.

Sounds like an interesting week huh? Ah well, I'm sure something will happen..I'll get stoned..I'll continue my flirting sms until my credit runs out...but other then that...just homework *grone*

Well I just handed my Drama assignment in. I was up to 1:15 doing it last night. It's pretty bad, but good enough to pass.  I had my pre op apointment this morning. Hehehe! I caused a 'situation' for the Hospital. It's so funny. But they are going to do my tounsils next thursday...I'm slipping through the system SHHHHH!

Tabs' gets home today *does a little dance*

Do a little dance, make a little love, get down to night, get down to night...! Yeah!

Well Tabs came home yesterday...I am so happy. It's so good to see him.  Cam, Monica, Dick, Jazzy, Sam, Rob, Ben, Booga, Muzza, Geremy and I were there. As well as mamma and pappa tabs.  It was good, I had fun anyway...I have the meanest hiki I have ever seen, and it is the most noticable place on my neck. Party last night, work tonight (not getting paid double time and severely pissed off about that) and then party afterwords. I am going to be so stuffed, but the good/bad thing is. No drinking. Im not aloud to drink, I'm not aloud to smoke either but after tonight that's it, I can't see how it will affect me in a week. And besides, it's not that many.

Geremy got very 'close' to me last night. After the talk we had the other day and the htings that were said, I was a bit nervous as to how we were going to act around each other...but no worries, we were both frendly.

It's great to know what people think of you and say about you behind your back to what they say in person. I'm a slut, slag, bitch (well I knew that one), I'm infected with every disease you can name, etc. If someone can't handle the person I am then it's there problem. If someone thinks I am purpously hurting them, then they don't know me at all. There is so much stuff which I would love to bitch about and complain about, but I'm not, cause it's my problem, and I'd rather sit here and brood over all the shit then say it on this stupid thing, maybe I should go back to how I was, befor I moved back up here, when I lived with mum, but thatmeans shit to you, because you never knew what I was like. You don't know what I went through. Maybe I should go back to depression, cutting myself to make the pain go away, that would hurt you.

There was a highlight to this weekend. I saw my Monica who I love greatly, I saw Tabs even though I'm wishing now I didn't and never had to hear what he thinks about me, I whent bowling with Sam, Tammy, Sam's mum, Brendan, Rob and his partents and Margret's friend from school. It was soo fun, I hadn't bowled in ages and it's nice to know how much I suck compared to when Iused to bowl league.  And I met this great guy called Brendan, he's Rob's younger brother, and I had a great time getting to know him. Not to mention going to Tammy's last night with Tammy, Jazzi, Rob, Sam and Brendan. We had KFC which made most of us sick and played Uno attack, this marble and stick game and the weekest link which ended up just being trivia.

If someone thinks that I am filling my life with lo-lifes, then what does it make me, If a friend thinks I am filling my life with lo-lifes, what does it make them? If someone I love (yes love) believes I am a lo-life, then what hope is there for me?

I woke up this morning feeling happy and refreshed. Since then I have cried, blown my head off at my best friend (not to her, to myself) and now I feel like complete shit and just want to go back to bed.

I had a good chat with Kitten last night. God it's good to talk to her, no judgements.

What ever happened to those kind of friendships, the kind that are honest and true. I remember when you were friends with someone, if there was a problem, you'd say it to their face and you wouldn't judge them by their stupid mistakes because one day you will do them too.

My mum is worried about...I can tell...she's sent my four messages in the past two days. I hate that she lives in Sydney, at the moment, she's the only person I feel I can rely/depend on.

Well dad just called...this guy is comming round and picking up our computer and is taking it away for a couple of days. I'm home alone, all holidays, watched all the stupid dvd's, none of my friends that aren't at Uni like me at the moment. I'm going to be bored shitless. Well, i'm going to go and have a shower, maybe the hot water will do me good.

I hope everyones day is better then mine!

Well I got my tonsils out on Thursday. I'm home now. I had a bad wake up from the sleepy gas, I had a panic attack thing ad couldn't breath, kinda scary on top of my usual wake up fit (my body has a fit...literally), but I'm ok now, my throats just sore, oh and my insides, and I still don't have all the strength back in my left arm where they thought I might be developing a blood clott. Man I'm always in the wars.

I have sorted everything out in my head, time by yourself in a Hospital did me good. Things are fine between me and Booga, people have always said things behind my back and theya re always going to, so why worry about it, the world is cruel and we all know it. So heck, it's not going to bother me anymore.

 I am having a really good day so far. I'm on this little high and I love it.  There is someone that I like, and he likes me, but it will never work, there are distance problems. Ah well, I'm aloud to have my little high. My throat feels a little bit better today...only a little bit. Well I better go, I have another movie to watch and I've gotta cal Booga, he called twice yesterday, but while I wasn't able to talk....I can't eat bannanas, it sucks, they really sting my throat, it was bad.

Hello! I am in another good mood today. Smiles all around. I had a conversation with BJ last night, it's so funny, we were compairing how many mesages we had from each other and how many times we have had to empty our inboxes because of it. It was so stupid but so sweet. I think someone has a crush. Hehehehe. Watching movies again today, I love being able to just lounge aorund and not hae to worry about anything but what I'm going to eat next...still having those eating problems, can't wait to be back to normal...

Wooooooooooooooop

Well today has been pretty ordinary.  Watched some movies, spilt tomato soup all over the stove. Whent to the library and got a new book, it looks pretty good actually. Got some more movies. Levi was here this morning, he was in a strange mood, he was all cudly, it was strange.  Mum put the money in my accound yesterday for my birthday present, not I've just go to buy it. I have a tummy ache and I don't like it :(

OK, I have a problem. Monica finally introduced me to Shane, he's a really nice guy...I thought. Him and I got on really well, talked for ages. Monica has the biggest thing for him but he only likes her as a friend, she knows. He told me this morning that he likes me and he wants to get together. I told him NO because Monica likes him and I wouldn't and couldn't do that to a friend, and besides, I don't like him like that.  He's kinda ok with it, but there's nothing he can do to change my mind, besides, I like someone else. Now I have to tell Monica, she's going to be so very cut, but if I don't, I'll be lying to her, not being honest, and that's what I am, honest, sometimes to muc come to think of it. But I hate being put in this position.  I hate having to tell my friends something that is going to hurt them, I hate telling anyone that actually. I hate seeing my friends sad, it makes me sad :(. But she'll get over it.

God give me courage...

Hmmm, had a good day today. Whent shopping with Dad and Justin. Bought my Converse All Stars, new pants, was looking at phones today and next weekend I ma buying a new 3 phone, Justin got a new phone today, it's so cool, we also whent lap top shopping. I so can't wait to get it :D  Pato picked me up from work last night, after getting lost trying to find it, how hard is it to find Main Street, really?  Ok I will admitt it, there are genuinly nice gorgeous guys out there still, only a couple out there, i'll admitt it, happy now? Better be...I hate being proven wrong...

LGU 8138

Key Features:

• videotalk
• speaker phone
• built-in digital still and video camera with two stage zoom and light
• MP3 player
• 32MB internal memory
• external colour screen (as well as the usual colour screen)
• usb and infrared connectivity
• email and internet
• and it's got this package services thing, I'll explain later when I know more about it

I'm not buying the phone outright, because that would cost $4 and I don't have that kind of money, so I'm going on a plan. $10.50 a month for 24 months plus $3 for my selected package <----that's for the phone. I then have the $49 cap. I spend up to $49 and get $200 free talk and text. I have to pay a minimum of $15 a month. The way that we are going to do it is...Dad's currently paying $30 a month for credit for the phone I have now and he's happy to continue to pay that. That will cover the cost of the phone and the compolsary $15, If I chose to use up the $49 to use the free $200, I pay a maximum of $19 a month. I reckon that's pretty damn good. And I love the phone. It's with 3 so we have to tell a little fib about where we live to buy it, to 3 not the chick who served us who actually sugested it and say that we live on the coast with friends hehe. But ah Well, I just can't wait to get my phone :D

I don't get it Muzza, you don't like me yet you keep comming back to see what I've written.

Well I'm taking a short break from my homework. I'm a little pissed off, everyone gets 4 weeks to do this assignment, I get one week, don't bother telling me to go get an extension, that is the extension!!!:|

§         Describe the objects, shapes and figures included in the picture

§         What message/story is it giving the audience

§         List the emotions and feelings prompted by these

§         Analyse the sizes used within the picture

§         What objects are small, medium and large

§         Are the sizes used effectively

§         Explain why/why not

§         Are the large spaces used in the picture or does it seem crowded

§         Explain this visual techniques and why it was used in this picture

§         What message/emotion did it give the audience

§         Details the settings used within the picture

§         What symbolic significance did these have

§         How did it influence our response to the picture

§         List words which describe it’s appeal

§         How did the setting/s affect our understanding of the picture (Dry country –>hardship)

§         List and describe the colours used within the picture

§         Why were those colours used and how did they enhance the picture

§         Describe the influence he colours had on the meaning of the picture (eg. What did red represent and why)

§         Detail the positioning used within the picture

§         Were the objects, shapes and figures positioned – centre, left side, right side, bottom, top, foreground, middle ground or back ground

§         Which prompted interest and why

§         Explain the angle types used – high, low or eye level

§         What did this represent within the picture (eg. High ->shows dominance)

§         What types of lighting were used

§         Explain the brightness of the light and colours used

§         Detail the body language used by the characters

§         Posture, gestures and facial expressions all tell people about the way we are thinking and feeling

§         Explain why this was used and it’s effectiveness in conveying the message

§         What clothing was worn by the characters

§         How did the clothing reflect the personality of the character/s

§         Did it symbolise a type of period, culture and status

§         Were universal symbols used

§         What did they represent

§         Why were they included and how did they enhance the understanding of the picture

§         Where words included in the picture

§         Why were they included

§         Was it an effective visual technique

§         Where does the image come from – a magazine, newspaper, book, etc.

§         Briefly explain it’s background and purpose

Can you see why I'm complaining. Ok it's not that big of an assignment, but it is for a week, A WEEK!!!  I'm taking a little break from homework at the moment, my ehad was starting to hurt. Free dress tomorrow, and I don't have a choice in it because I'm a student rep. Well Justin cancelled his enrolment today, no longer a student, he's an adult. Scary!

Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight, oh ah, get down tonight.

I shall be having a visitor on the Anzac weekend. I'm so happy, can't wait to see them, I shall give you more details when I know, none of you will ever guess who it is, not in a million years!

Amy/G.I. Jane/Betty is happy as hell

Type your name using:...

Eyes closed::  Amy
Nose::  qwkj76y
Chine::  asmny
Wrist::  amy
Big Toe::  qazjm6y7h
Lips::  azm
Shoulder::  qa2 mn6y7g
Elbow::  agm nyhu7
Heel of your foot::  azm ktu
Turned around in your chair::  amkyh
Computer Mouse::  samniy

I'm almost falling asleep on the table. Shannon, Jason and Michael Scott (pretty sure that's his name) just left. Shannon has been around since about 1, we whent and picked Michael up at about 1:30 (he called just after Shannon got here) and then we left at about 20 to 3 to go for a cruize, get some fuel, we picked up Jason from school, Jason, Michael and I waited at Forest while Shannon had to go back and pick Megan up at 3:wo, then Michael, Shannon, Jason, Megan, Prue and Jenna sat at Forest until 4:!5 when we had to come back here, they stayed for a minute and then left. Michael had to be at work at 5:00 and they had to get to Peters by about 4:45, wonder how that was working, maybe they were going to drop him off early.

Well I stayed home today (as you would have already guessed) to work on my English assignment, I got some work done on it, but I'm having alot of difficulty. Well Joel might be comming round tonight, don't know yet, he was suposed to be comming round last night because of everything going on with his dad, but he didn't end up comming, so maybe tonight, we'll find out when Justin gets home because he'll either be with him or he won't. The four of us just scoffed a bag of chips, they ate took noodles with them and i ate a can of spaghetti and meetbalss and I'm still hungry, Agh damnit!

So proud of Shannon for what he did to those boys, sucks ass that they got shit all and about what happened to Mrs. Hughes, but we all make mistakes and I think we can all agree on that hitting Mrs. Highes was a mistake. One that will be overcome and dealt with. Michael said something this afternoon that has me thinking...I wonder if his inuendos about 'it' were correct, well on my part anyway...

Jason came into my room while i was sleeping and woke me up, I love my big bro.  I was fired from work, really crap excuse why, but that's for another time.  After talking with Monica, Jared, Jason and Brendan for so many hours, I don't want to go to bed in fear of what will flood my head when I close my eyes. School tomorrow again. Damn I don't want to go...*groan*

I had a good day today. Dad and I whent to the hyperdome, I got a new white billabong jacket, totaly love it and totaly comfortable, he also bought me a new leather wrist band thingy, it has a detatchable metel cross thing, both were for my birthday.  I have to wait till next weekend to get my phone because dad forgot to bring the order form to scam them with. After finishing  what we had to do there, dad dropped me off at Fantasy Lair where I caught up with Jared and met, Jon, Danni and Warren. Jon's pretty cool, pretty dirty minded, but cool.  From there Jared and I whent to the gaming cafe where I met Kev, spent two hours there just stuffing around on the computer, I taught him how to play Need For Speed Underground Two, it was so funny, I just sat there and watched. From there we whent over to a park and sat there for I don't know how many hours just talking, about everything, it was good, but then we were interupted by a couple of dick heads on their bikes so we walked around to another littler one were we continues to talk until one of his grandparents called to say they were on their way to pick him up. So I whent home too.  It's nice to know I can still drive guys wild, hehe, haven't lost my charm :D. I'm just on here to check my email and talk to Mon while dad's doing the dishes. We're going to watch School Of Rock that he bought today.

I love my body :D I love that I’m curvy and that I’m not a skinny mini. I don’t care that sometimes it’s impossible to buy clothes for myself; it just means that when I do, I love them. I’m thankful I don’t look like some girls my age who look like preschoolers. I gave a womanly figure and I love it.

I eat right (most of the time), I exercise every day, I don’t drink much, I’ve given up smoking, I’m always going to look like this and that’s just it…

Ask any straight man if he noticed Reese Witherspoon’s short, ever-so-slightly chunky legs in Legally blonde 2 and he’ll think you’ve lost the plot/ I reckon men see women’s bodies as a package, not a sum of slightly imperfect parts. No one else thinks, “Oh yes, Sally, the girl with the huge ass” when they think of you.  Well that’s what I believe anyway, GO COSMOPOLITAN! RIDE ON!!!

When dad and I were shopping in city beach yesterday, the woman that helped us was absolutely gorgeous, gorgeous figure and she seemed like a great person. She was saying she was fat and all the other usual stuff.  Why do females who have great figures think they are fat? It’s because of the stupid media. Magazines say that we need to be more comfortable in out bodies, love your body…all that jazz. How are girls supposed to love their bodies when they grow up with stick figures as their idols? 

LOVE YOU BODIES! THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL! YOU DON’T NEED TO BE A SKINNY-MINI TO BE BEAUTIFUL!!!

http://www.puritytest.net/section1.html

My finall score was 30.8%

I've been running things over in my head. I need something else to occupy it, it's never a god thing when I think about something to much. I wish someone would figure women out and write a book about it so that I could read it and figure myself out, but I reckon that would be imposible. There are some things I need to get off my chest but no way of doing it. Hmmm *thinks hard*

I got sent home from school today. I was pale, splitting headache and throwing up every couple of minutes. I whent back to class for THX because we had the remainder of our auditions, but I had to leave at 11:30 so I still mist out on most of it, really bumbed because I won't get the part I wanted to now. Oh well, aslong as I get a part. The play we're doing is Rabbit, not very well written but a very good play. We're all excited to start it. We're not doing Amnesty International this year which I was really disapointed having watched the last two entries, it was what I was looking forward to it. BUt oh well, Rabbit will be good.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! I've already gotten four bithday wishes today. I feel so loved, the one from Jared was sweet. Iwish I could give him a big hug and a kiss but he's too far away.

*DOES A LITTLE DANCE* IT'S MY BIRTHDAY DID YOU KNOW!!!!!

I wonder who'll remember???

:D My grandma just came in with my birthday present, I absolutely love it!!! For months I've she's been making this absolutely beautiful scarf and I've watched her thinking, 'Is she going to give me that?' But one day it was gone and she said that she sent it to Jade for her birthday. She made two, one for Jade and one for me! :D It's absolutely beautiful and I can just tell I'm going to be wearing it all the time lol! Shannon did aventually end up comming round. He's sitting on the couch watching the incredibles with Justin. Did I tell you I got it this morning? I got up out of bed this morning, came out fo say morning to Justin and there it was on the kitcjen bench, all wrapped up in smiley paper. Dad gave me the best card, all soppy and sweet. I love it. I've already watched it today so I wasn't as interested as them. It has to be one of my favourite movies!  So excited about the party on Saturday. Was talking to Monica last night about wether there are going to be problems because of Cam and that I didn't feel like being bitched at all night. We're celebrating my birthday and if any of them are going to cause problems they can fuck off.

Kayleen's parents said that she's aloud to get a tatoo so she's getting me to draw some dragons for her. I'd never get a tatoo of a dragon, it's to unorigional, but it's her choice. Some of them are pretty cool. I wish I could remember the html to post pictures, but I can't, kinda a bummer cause I'd love to get some feedback on them while I'm working on them.

I've been thinking all day about what Jared wants to talk to me about, not a good thing because I come up with all different things and then I worry or I get excited and have to tell myself not to get into any kind of mood about it because I don't know what it is. But I'll find out on Saturday :D

OOOOOOOOHHH I SO LOVE MY SCALF!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D

I was arguing with my dad, some plans were going to shit and then I'm told that someone is telling Monica that I shouldn't be aloud to invite people from up here because they'll start shit. Booga you've always hated them, you never took the time to know them and Cam YOU'VE NEVER MET THEM. I'm sorry I was rude to you Booga I was having an angry overload and I'm sorry. You can either forgive me or not but you're going to have to deal with seeing me and my friends wether you want to or not.

What a day...I just had the biggest panick attack of my life. I thought I had lost my $300 Dolche and Gabanna glasses. I rang Southport Sharks as soon as I realised the were missing, which was 2 minutes after leaving, they couldn't find them, rang them again when I got home, still hadn't found them, so I emailed Reach in victoria and they called Paige the organiser and she had found them!! So I rang her and Justin is picking them up tomorrow. I am so relived, dad would have killed me!!! 

I probably should explain where I whent today.  There was a workshop down at Southport Sharks run by Reach.  Got to www.reach.org.au to find out about them, you should, they're great and they'll change your way of thinking, feeling and your way of life.

It was really good, got me intouch with some memories and emotions accosiated with them. I'm going to be trained by them so that I can become a reach crew member in the next couple of years when I'm old enough.

It was a really good day, even though Mrs. Fenton forgot to tell me it was non uniform. And it's made me remember the things that are important and the people that are important.

Well here are a couple of randoms I found yesterday, sure I'll think of the rest of them

There were no more volleyballs...so we used knives instead

Attack of the flying sausages’ and eagle brain breakfast

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

There once was a pink watermelon who lived under my couch

Fingers are just another form of tentacles

I have lost my funny and I need it back. Can someone tell me how I can find it?  If you find my funny, would you let me know?

Put a pirate in your pants

Toby: "What's your specialty?"

Waitress: "Taking someone's order and giving it to them."

If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly.

I am on a total buz, so much energy pulsing through my body. I've been sitting here dancing to one of my favourite songs, Murder she wrote. Had a good day, having a good night and I'm going to Mon's tomorrow arvo. I'm just happy all round. Aint it good?

 Party was last night. It was good. Jody ended up comming down from the Mountain, so amazed her parents let her come. Suposedly Booga turned up after Sarah's thing was finished, but I was being occupied by Jared and one of Monica's drunken friends and wasn't told. Meh, if he'd wanted to say hi I'm sure Cam would of made some bullshit remark about where I was. Still kinda curoius as to what he was doing in my room when I walked in at one point and he scooted out pretty quick.

TABS YOUR BED IS FREAKING HARD!!! It took me forever to get to sleep on it. I am missing our Tabs. I's his Birthday tomorrow so everyone wish him a happy birthday, it's his 19th!!! WellI supose I should say something about it before someone else does. Jared and I are officially dating know, the response I got from Moinca was FINALLY!!! It was decided last night. I felt kinda bad when he said something about it's never a good sign when someone has to think about it. But I know the complications you can get from him living in Loganholme and me on Tamborine. Otherwise I would of been jumping at it. But never mind. We are now and i'm happy about it.

Well today has been kinda boring and lazy. I was meant to be going to school, but I woke up sick as a dog. I've had a stuffed nose all weekend but this morning, MY GOD!! I woke up and had no voice, throbbing headache and was running a temperature, so I called dad, he didn't ring back the meany, and rolled over and whent back to sleep. It was nice being able to sleep in, expecially when I haven't been sleeping very well lately. :(

It was so funny, if ever you wanted to see what a bored Amy does when she's done everything else there is to do, today was the day. I say in my room on my bed with a box full of hair ties putting my hair up in lots of little pony tails, It was so funny, they were all sticking up at odd angles :D I hadn't realised how long my hair was getting, it's to long to spike up now though :( Oh well. I was meant to be getting it cut and recoloured this weekend comming but that's not happening anymore. I'm going out all day Saturday and won't be home till Sunday...I'm spending the night at Dani's after this May Ball thingy. Did I tell you about that? I can't remember if I have or not, Oh well. :D

My lip hurts :( I have no idea what I did to split it, but it really hurts. It's so anoying when something goes wrong with my mouth cause my lips are so big and always get lots of attention from people, it gets kinda embarrassing actually. :$ I'm totaly loving my new phone. I have taken so many pictures with it, it's dead at the moment actually, I left my recharger at Monica's so I wasn't able to recharge it last night. It's really anoying because when I turn it on I can see I have a message but it turns off to quickly and I don't get to read it. Humph :@

I have the song that goes; when a man loves a woman going around in my head, it's so very anoying. I blame the simpons *grrrr* Today was pretty ordinary, except when I waited for an hour in the office for Elliot to scoot his butt out of the Guidance Officers office because I had an appointment. I ended up going into the sick bay and sleeping for a bit, I'm still not 100%, but i'm getting there slowly. I feel so bad though, I've made Jared sick, I never make anyone sick, even when everyone came down with Glangula fever, that wasn't me, they gave it to me!!! Really wish they hadn't, I had that and tounsil itis, it wasn't a good mixture. I remember when my temperature was so bad I was delirious.

I thought I was doing pretty well with my "depression" thing...but I think I was wrong. I have to go see Suzie about it, aslong as they don't put me back on antidepresents. They did me more harm then good and I don't think I could handle going through all that again.

I'm being questioned by Jon and I have no idea why I am embarrassed. I never get embarrassed. I should really look into that, maybe it's because it has to do with the person that sets me off these day. I dunno, I'll figure out what it is and how to stop it. Never fear, Amy's hear!!!

What a good day. I slept through my first class though which was kinda embarrassing, but I really don't think I would of made it through the day if I hadn't. The first night I could go to bed early last night and I couldn't sleep. Then I was woken at about 4:30 by an alarm, I thought it was Dad's and he'd get up and turn it off so I whent back to sleep. I continued to have the sound of the alarm in my dream, then at 6:30 I couldn't stand it anymore so I banged on the wall to tell dad to turn it off. But dad was still asleep, it was Justin's alarm. I was so pissed off because I couldn't get up to turn it off.  I did something to my hip last night and I couldn't put weight on it, it's pretty right now though thankfully.

I totaly love Molly. She's lent me her long sleeved fishnett top for tomorrow. She's going to mardigra and was going to wear it but she said I could :) Friends rule :) May Ball tomorrow. Seeing Jared tomorrow. I'm happy. I was talking to Arna today about Booga and about Jared and she told me that Booga was very shitty at me about that. That when he read it on here that he chucked the shits big time. I thought him and I were fine, we have been lately...I dunno. We made an agreement which I am happy about so I dunno, maybe he was, I can understand why he would be so I'm cool.

Have a good weekend everyone!!! :)

Well I have half an hour on here before I escape into my room to devote my day to reading my English book, which I was suposed to be finished by yesterday - Tomorrow, when the war began, 286 pages, little book but I have only read 76 pages.

Well the weekend was good. Whent to a L5R tournament on Saturday, they are all such nerds but I love them, well except maybe Dean :P After that we whent back to Dani's where we lazed around until it was time to leave. The MedSoc May Ball was held at an Anglican Church halll in St. Lucia.  It was really good, I had a great time. I was one of the finalist to be May Queen (or whatever it was) until they kicked me out for Being with Jared. His punishemnt was drinking 2 litres of water through a parking cone lol :)  I met alot of new great people. We spent most of Sunday in bed lol.

So it was a good weekend in all. I have to clean and do homework today. Hope everyone elses weekends where as good as mine :D

Blow Job Know Job

• The content of spermincludes protein, calcium, magnesium, zinc, vitamin B, E, C and inositol
• The average volume of ejaculation is around half a teaspoon
• A load of ejaculation contains 40 million to 600 million sperm
• Ejaculate does not have a significant amount of calories. You'd have to ingest 400 loads to equal the calorie content of a "death by chocolate" desert
• Besides sperm, semen is made of secretions from the seven lower urinary tract structures. These strangely names structures include: epididymis, vas deferens, ampullae of the vas, seminal vesicle, prostate, Cowper's glands and glands of Littre. Semen itself has high concentrations of potassium, zinc, citric acid, fructose, phosphorylcholine, spermine, free amino acids, prostaglandins and enzymes, which nourish and protect the sperm
• Semen usually appears as an opalescent white fluid that gets clear and runny minutes after ejaculation
• Artificial sweatners used in a variety of foods may lower sperm count, according to Japanese researchers
• Each teaspoon of ejaculation has about 5-7 callories and some 200-500 million sperm

Our conclusion: Spend a day or three in bed and don’t be afraid to swallow and you will be healthier and happier in no time
Please not that swallowing can lead to the transition of sexually transmitted infections if your partner is infected.  So chose your bitch carefully and if unsure always practice safe sex until you have had a full STI test. For further information please contact your local GP. This information is to be used as a guide and does not replace information provided by someone who is a doctor

It’s Tidy
Spitting is, quite simply, messy. Having a paper towel at the ready can help, but even then, you have a cum-soaked towel to dispose of. Same is true if he comes somewhere other than inside your mouth, there’s plenty of sticky jizm to wipe up. Just swallow and there's no muss or fuss.

It’s Quick
Even if cum is unpleasant (we have tips for making it much less so), the fastest way to deal with it is to swallow. Running to the bathroom to dispose of it or spitting it out on the spot will take more time, and be less efficient, than just swallowing it.

It Lets the Man Relax
If a man has to worry about coming, feeling that it is an imposition on the woman or the cause of unpleasantness, it creates tension while receiving the blowjob. He cannot fully relax, and cannot fully enjoy his climax. A woman who swallows both puts her partner at ease. Also, she can continue sucking through the orgasm, “sucking him dry”, which men find both physically and emotionally satisfying.

The Symbolism of Swallowing
In Western culture, swallowing has deep symbolic significance. The act of swallowing signals acceptance, blessing, and complete transformation. Imagine spitting out champagne after a toast or spitting out the wafer during communion. The insult and sacrilege would be overwhelming. In the same way, spitting out cum is a symbolic rejection to many men.

By swallowing, a woman indicates complete acceptance. She wishes to consume, to commune with whatever comes from her lover. As she imbibes the cum, it becomes part of her, he becomes part of her. They are joined together in an intimate sacred bond like no other.

It's Polite
To quote one woman: "What sort of message does that convey to immediately run to the nearest sink to spit? I’m comfortable enough to get down on my knees and wrap my lips around your cock, but not comfortable enough to swallow the fruits of my labor? I know I’d be offended if my boyfriend ran to the bathroom to gargle with mouthwash after going down on me. So, sure I swallow. It’s almost impolite not to."

It's Environmentally Friendly
Leaving your spunk in public places just isn't right, whether you're dogging in the park or sucking the cinema. And wasting tissues and paper towels destroys trees and adds to our landfill problems. Swallowing is the ultimate form of enviromentally-friendly recycling

I wish I was smart enough to be able to figure out how to post photos. I've been told about 5 times but every time I try it doesn't work. I SUCK!!!

I also am starting to get really pissed off with this new mindsay, I get used to it and figure out how to do everything then they change something again. Grrrrr!

Last night was interesting. Wish it had happened earlier, but I can't do anything about it now, it's just something I'm going to have to deal with. I am so amazed how much a person can obssess over something in such a small time. 

I feel so loved now though, I learnt so many things last night and I made some big self realisations. But now I am in the most foul mood and Justin and Dad are not helping. The just keep attacking me.

I HATE BIPOLAR!!!

Just so that those of you who don't actually know me, the reason my hip aches is beacause I had major hip sugery about 5 years ago. I have a bone disease in my right hip named Perthase disease.  It's when the blood suply to the top of the femer gets cut off and the bone dise and collapses, your hip also dislocates due to the imense traumer. I had what Is called an osteo rotation where they cut through the femere, jam your hip back into the socket in the hope it will restore the blood flow then pin and plate you all together. That is also why I limp. But I was in the 4% of cases which were unsuccessfull.

But never fear, that's the least of my problems these days. I have polycistic ovary syndrome, bipolar (don't ask), I'm already riddled with arthritis and a weather machine, oh there are so many actually that it would take to long to explain them all and much to much brain power. And besides, I'm hungry and was in the middle of cooking my breakfast.

I am so sick of being at home. I wish I had my liscence so that I wouldn't have to rely on anyone when I get sick or like days like today when my hip is giving me shit, I can get there on my own.

Justin's cracking the shits again. He asked me if I minded if he opened up the doors, minutes after saying it was cold, so that he could have a smoke inside so that he wouldn't have to stand outside in the cold. I said yes that I do mind seeings I am home because my hip is hurting from the cold and he chucked a spaz. He shouldn't ask the question if he's not going to respect my answer. He ended up storming outside and sitting in the breeze way, he's still there and I don't care. I'm sick of the way he treats me sometimes. He seems to be nice to me only when he wants something. But it's good when we are getting along. I mean we are still really close, just not as much as we used to be. I mean the other day proved that.

I have to go work on my English assignment, I have to write a Dramatic Monologue from the book we just read in English, Tomorrow, When The War Began. I'm reading the second one I liked it that much.

I whent to the doctors today. I have to change go to a neutritionist and change my diet, go and see a profesional councilor or phsycologist atleast once a week, talk to my dad more about what's going on in my head and I had to get a full blood work up. If I don't do those things plus a couple of others, she will put me on antidepresents.

When I finally got to school I had missed most of THX then spent my last two periods doing nothing because I'd forgotten to bring my assignment to work on and we had a sub.

I HATE WARHAMMER! JM definetly doesn't get subtlty. I mean he could ditch the thing next Friday and spend the night with me instead, but it seems he'd rather go to the thing in the City. It would have made me feel better to know I'm a little bit more important then a game. I guess I'm not.

Spending the day with my dad tomorrow. I have missed him and he's going away all week next week. I'm going to be even more lonely then I am now. I don't think anyone realises just how lonely I am. How could they? I don't tell anyone.

Hmmm, in the last 30 minutes I've gone from being super happy, to really made, to about to break down. This is not good. I wish we hadn't eaten all the chocolate cake, I really feel like some chocolate.

Ok I lied, I know I'm more important then a game, just sometimes I'd like it proved.

I felt so stupid today. I was sitting in the car with dad driving past Yatala on our way to the Hyperdome when I got a text. I opened it up, and my god, it's certainly one way to make me want to shrink away and hide from embarrassment.

Oh good lord, did someone get the wrong idea. I had no intention of going anywhere without you on Friday night lol. I thought I said that.

I felt sooooo stupid. Well atleast I'm loved :)

I had a good day. As I said, dad and I whent to the hyperdome. We got the cover for my phone and I now finally know how to use the infrared on my phone. I felt stupid again when the woman showed me how to use it and I had been fiddling with that exact same thing the night before. I'm become illiterate to anything technical, what's going on??? We got me two new pairs of pj's, I look so cute in them. One is Felix The Cat and the other are tigers with tame and wild written all over them. They're fluffy and comfy and I don't care how much I look like a little kid in them.  Dad shouted me lunch at the cafe near Eazy dvd. Soooo yummy, but soooo expensive. He was amazed when I ordered a mug of tea, I drink tea, and the smell of coffee makes me feel sick these day. We forgot to buy the mug I saw on our way out. It was a playboy bunny play mate of the year mug, I love playboy bunny :)

Dad spoilt me rotten today, it was good, I'm feeling really great. Well a bit sick after the Chinese I just ate, I swear that chicken was cat, didn't taiste anything like chicken. Oh well, I've left the rest of it for Joel and Justin to eat. Oh yes, Joel is staying with us for a couple of nights...his dad tried to kill himself last night. It's a long story and I just hope the Joel's little brother's friends are showing him enough support as Joel is getting from all of us.

Another lazy day. Justin and Joel were home all day today and Justin really got on my nerves at some points. Dad and I had a good bitch about him this arfternoon actually *embarrassed look*...he was being a real pain in the ass though.

I have been in pj's all day :) I'm wearing my tiger ones and dad keeps telling me I look super cute. School tomorrow, not looking forward to it :( But I have DT in the morning, so that's good.

I'm sitting here munching on fryed potato squares, so yummy :)

I woke up this morning tired again and not wanting to get out of bed. I'm happy at the moment, actually, in a rather nuts mood. Talking at a million miles a minute and doing strange things, thankfully it's not as bad as last night. I was scaring my dad I think, but not in a bad way, we were having lots of fun with me and my crazyness. I was making lots of noises, doing strange things with my face and body and was running around the house like superman...amongst other things. I'm happy. I think I'm at the up point, love the up points but hate the slope back down. Oh well, lets enjoy the high point.

Chickens are evil!!! I love chickens what are you talking about?!?! They're evil, the smell and they think you're going to rape them!!! No that was just clucky or whatever her name was. She thought you were a rooster!!! They're evil!!!

Oh pretty baby now that i've found you stay!!! Gotta love The Four Seasons. OOOOOOOOHHHH!!! Murder she wrote is playing now, must go do cool thing with bum. *dances* I'm now listening to the You Got Served Soundtrack. Oh I shouldn't be, it makes me want to dance.......

SHAG BUNNY!!! Are you going to do something about the chicken soup in the lightbulbs???

Mmmmmmm beer! I love beer! And my dinner is yummy!

What a day *sigh*

I had a *blerp*, I've just gotten back from the doctors, I had my first counciling session with her. I think her name's Carol, she does Youth Social Working or something or other. My day certainly could have gotten better.

My principle and I had a big dummy spit, I walked out of the school and I'm not aloud back to school until this week. I'm not suspended (yet), I just have been told to take it off. I have to relax and slow down this week. Get my head together.

They think that the doctor origionaly diagnosed me wrong, that I am just suffering from depression (which would be really good), but I have to keep an eye on my moods to make sure I'm not developing bipolar. So they're not quite sure yet. Either way, I just want to get better.

Well I kinda forgot I was doing this. I started at about 5:30 and it's now 7:23...I really should pay more attention to what i'm doing hehe. Been watcing the OC with Justin but we're taking a break now because BB is on.

Because I don't have to school this week *grumbles about Mrs. Brose* I think I might catch the train down early in the morning. See if Booga is doing anything, I miss seeing him, he was my best friend, it kinda sucks we're not close anymore. Missing that relationship at the moment. If he doesn't want to see me, I'm pretty sure I can find someone else, after all, he's not my only friend ANYMORE.

Day one of the 'unoficial suspension' down. I am going to be going nuts by the end of the week, I can just tell. I watche the rest of season one of the OC...what's going on with me??? I've never watched the OC but I watched the entire first season in a couple of hours...THIS IS NOT ME!!!

Stupid Jared's grandparents ruined our plans for Friday...but lying in bed this morning for about an hour...I think I've come up with a way around it, I just hope that I remember to talk to him about it tonight, see if it could work. Also gotta talk to Waith and see if she still wants to do something with me on Friday...was looking forward to that :(

I have to call Carol soon, figure out what days I am going to be seeing her reguarly and what's going on in my head today. Dreading calling her and having to venture into my mind. I've kinda shut it off since I left the surgery yesterday. I don't know how I feel about it anymore...sad, angry, pissed of, disapointed, I was all of those yesterday, but today, there doesn't seem to be anything there...is that a good thing or a bad thing? I'm not sure.

Oh well, going to go back to drawing, I've filled up two pages already and I'm onto the third, and my movie, I'm watching as good as it gets. Love this movie!!!

Some time to waste...

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:  Mechanical Engineer Level 4

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
Nothing

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Monsters Inc, it was on while I was washing the dishes

4. WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is:
12:45pm

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?.
12:49pm

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The menu of Monsters Inc. I haven't been bothered to go over and turn it off....and the rain on our roof, I love that sound

7. When were you last outside? What were you doing?

Going to a counciling session, then comming back

8. Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
My msn contacts, and Wraiths Blog

9. What are you wearing?
My felic Pj's, I've been wearing them all week, I probably should wash them...meh

10. Did you dream last night? What about?

Yes, but I don't remember, it's there but I can't reach it

11. When did you last laugh?
 Last night when Justin, Levi and I were watching movies and making fun of everyone in them.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
A mask that I made in Art class, A cork board with papers all over it, tiles, two clocks and some paintings

13. Seen anything weird lately?

I look at myself in the mirror everyday

14. What do you think of this quiz?
It's keeping my quite and occupied, therefore it's a miracle

15. What is the last film you saw?

At the movies; Guess Who, on my tv, Monsters Inc.

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
I would pay off our morgage, then buy a really old car for me to do up

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know:

Well what do you know?

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I would change the goverment, there are so many things wrong with it that I wouldn't know where to start

19. Do you like to dance?

I love to dance, and I miss it terrible

20. George Bush:
STAB! STAB! CHOKE! KILL! DIE!

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

I like strange names, like Alhera

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Don or Brian after my dad and grandad

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Yes, I'd love it and I can't wait for the day I do

TEN Random Things About Me:

10.) I share way to much infomation at inapropriate times

9.) I'm not a very good speller, der

8.) I love fruit

7.) I've only ever been in one serious relationship...we dated for a year and a half and I miss the friendship I had with him the most

6.) I never sucked my thumb when I was little, even when the dentist said I should...but I do occasionly now

5.) My oldest friend is Sophie Baker, but my closest is Molly Sullivan-Stevens

4.) My dad is the most important person to me in the world

3.) I'm 15 years old *groans*

2.) I still sleep with a tedy bear, his name is Richi and I've had him since I was one

1.) When I was in year 3 I stole a hat from Target, but then took it back because it didn't fit

NINE Places I've Visited:
9. Noosa
8. New Zealand
7. Sydney
6. Macksville
5. Southerland...where I was born
4. Yarambela
3. the toilet (I'm running out of places to say)
2. That place in Sydney with the really nice ice-cream and the really hot waiters
1. There is somewhere else but I don't remember what it's called

EIGHT things I want to do before I die:
8. Go bungy jumping (already done)
7. Go skydiving
6. Do something for God (already done)
5. Get a tatoo when i'm drunk so that it is a constant reminder to never do what I can't remember I did
4. Tell Stephen how much he hurt me and how much he continues to hurt my family...and make him understand
3. Accomplish my bigest dream
2. Overcome my biggest fear
1. Be self wealthy

SEVEN Ways to win my heart:
7. Be compasionate
6. Take an interest in what I do and say
5. Make me laugh
4. Enjoy your life, when you are happy so am I
3. Understand that there are things in my past that make me the person I am and don't try and change it
2. Honesty and trust
1. Love me for the person I am and not the things I do or don't do

SIX things I believe in:
6. God, but not religion
5. Self courage
4. Helping those that can't help themselves
3. That music, art and theatre are a big part of our culture
2. That homosexuals should be aloud to get married
1. Honesty, trust and self reliance

FIVE Things I'm afraid of:
5. Being left alone
4. Hurting myself and therefore hurting others
3. My dad dieing before he walks me down the isle
2. Never being aloud to see my mum again
1. Being held back from accomplishing my dreams due to health

FOUR of my Favorite Items in my bedroom:
4. My bed, it's old and cast iron and falling apart but I love it
3. My teddy bear Richi
2. My photos
1. All the momories that are in there

THREE Things I do everyday:
3. Pee when I get up
2. Tell my daddy I love him
1. Search for socks, I never seem to have any clean pairs

TWO Things I am trying not to do right now:
2. Go back to bed and sleep all day
1. Tell myself that I don't want to clean

THREE People I want to see right now:
1. My mum

2. My dad

3. Jared

Well I've washed 4 days dishes. I've folded and put away most of the clothes in my room. I've tidied up the lounge room after the mess Justin left it in. I've done just about all fo the cleaning, but I refuse to go around picking up the burboun cans. I'm going to have a total grump at justin when he gets home. I shouldn't have to tidy up all of his mess, yes some of it I made, but he jsut leaves everything out, a plate sat on the table for 4 days, 4 days. And i refse for the house to be in the state it was when JM comes tomorrow. That would be pass the point of embarrassing.

Dad get's home tomorrow, I can't wait to see him. I've missed him heaps this week, a week when I need my dad more then anyone and he's not here. I have great timing to destroy things don't I? Atleast I didn't nearly set the house on fire last night like Justin did, he needs to learn not to play with his lighter, expecially after he's already broken it. Another thing to grump about, I made dinner Monday night and when he got home he said he didn't feel like what I'd cooked, he whent out yesterday and said he was just going to the chemist and would be home in half an hour, I ring him and hour and a half later worrying abot him, he's gone down to Montray keys, he's left me home alone again and in the state that I've been in, what I got out for dinner is useless because he was suposed to be helping me. I call Levi and I buy the two of us Thai out of the money my dad gave me for tomorrow night, we get back from picking it up and he's home, he wants some of it, he didn't give me and cash, so I pay $25 for food that I don't even get a quarter of. And tonight, I told him he's to be cooking but I felt nice enough today that I would cook it. I've gotten the mince out, prepared all the veggies and if he comes home and says he doesn't want to have what I've gotten out, then fuck him. I'm sick of going to all this trouble.

I FEEL LIKE HIS FUCKING MADE!!!

*takes a deep breath* I need to calm down, I shouldn't let myself get so worked up, it never does me any good, as was displayed on Tuesday. I'm so affraid that I am going to be at home by myself, something to go wrong to send me into a spiral and I do something stupid. You don't need to worry about my killing myself, I'm certainly not going to do that, I proved that when living with Fuck tard Stephen.

On a happier note....I'm seeing JM tomorrow, I'm really happy about that, actually, I'm like a 2 year old at Christmas when it comes down to it. Then there's BMF this weekend. Never been to that before. I was meant to go last year with Booga and Levi, but I think I was sick at the time so I never ended up going.  But I certainly am this weekend. AND!!! My mum's comming up. Not next week but the week after, when my dad's away again. I can't wait to see her. I've just gotta resist locking her in my cupboard so she doesn't leave again. I think that's the hardest part, not when she leaves, but having her here knowing that she's going to. It was like with my Grandpa, the hardest part was not when he died, but knowing he was dying. I miss him so much. I still have my favourite photo of the two of us, still sitting on my desk and I still light a candle for him...when I'm at home and remember anyway. The first time one of my friends saw me doing that she whent all wierd, thought it was stupid, but I don't think it's stupid. *sigh*

Now I'm sad again. Hating these mood swings. Angry, sad, happy, hypo, depressed, lonely, angry again. I want it to be over. When I was talking to dad about the conversation he had with Ann my doctor after she'd seen me on Tuesday, she said that I seemed fine when I was in her office, well excuse me for not wanting to bare my soul. Talking to Carol though, she said I have to stop keeping my emotions in when I'm around the people who care, like my dad, that I shouldn't worry about him thinking I'm week, because all it does is build up, and I know that it builds up because I've had the meltdowns. I've had the days when I felt like I was falling apart and had my emotions spill out everywhere and become a big old mess.

You don't have to read al of that. I none of you really care, there's nothing you can do. It's just me needing to get stuff out of my system, so much more I want to say, but I won't. I'll just go and make dinner, and clean my room, and sit here as if everything's ok, that I'm not starting to fall apart on the inside.

I don't feel like writing an all emotional post on here, to many people read it that it wouldn't be good.

*At 4:00am my brother tried to OD, he woke me up at 4:30, was at the hospital but 6:00

*Spent the day in the hospital with Justin and Aleesha's mum Margaret

*dad got there at 1:00, we left at 2:00

*Just after leaving hospital I message Jared to tell him that we were still on, we never really cancelled, then I get a message back saying that he's already made other commitments.

*Got home, Grandma cracked the shits at me, had a shower and cried the entire time.

*Karin came round and we cleaned up the house, I even vaccumed, then we whent down the coast and had coffee with one of her friends

*Whent back to the hospital where I had a private word to the Phsyc after he'd seen Justin, then we left.

*Stoped in at Karin's on the way home, was there for about 15 minutes then came home, Fern and her boyfriend dropped in to pick up her wallet, they are gone now and I am trying to figure out what I am doing this weekend. Sleeping tomorrow!!!

For those of you who know me and my brother, please don't go blabbing it, please don't make a big fuss, he'll get better it's just going to take time, and he doesn't need everyone fussing over him.

Jared is you read this, don't read anything into it, you'll get it wrong...

What a week. Monday was uneventful...I think anyway. Tuesday I walked out on Mrs. Brose and had that drama. Wednesday Levi came round and the three of us had fun. Thursday I did lots of cleaning. Friday my brother tried to kill himself, I had an argument with Grandma and told her to grow up and Fuck off, my daddy came home. Saturday, slept in, whent to Jared's and stayed the night, met his grandparents (imposible people to please). Today whent to the movies with Jared, took some flowers round to Margerat to say thankyou, cried alot, Justin bitting all of our heads off.

It was great seeing Jared. Hadn't realised how much I had missed him until I saw him, I didn't want to let go of him when he gave me my first hug, it took everything in me not to cry.

I realised today comming home on the train how much I miss BPC. I miss our friendship, I miss the love I felt when I was around them, and I miss the FGS. It's not the same with anyone else. I was an idiot for what I did. I ruined it and I can only blame myself. I should tell them how I feel about it all, but then again I shouldn't. It's the mood I'm in, not saying I don't miss them normally, I just realised today how much I truly do.

I have an LJ now, DM said I should get one because I can say what I want on there and noone else will read it. I've given up writing things down, it takes to long and I lose what it was I was thinking. My mind cant figure out wether it wants to go a million miles and our or just stop completely.

I have a lovely combinations of feelings this afternoon, hungry, tired, pissed off and cudly. Not the best combination because they all contradict each other a little bit. I had my appointment with Carol at 11:00, it was good, we figred out what I was going to say to Mrs. Brose. Then we came home where I had some pasta and fiddle farted around the computer until it was time to go. I had my appointment with Mrs. Brose at 2:00.

That whent really well, Mrs. Brose and Miss Falcnor are my case supervisors or whatever. It was good because Mrs. Brose spoke to me the whole time, not my dad. But I don't mean she totaly ignored him, it's jsut that it was about me so she spoke to me. I came out in a rash at one point, Donna Delainey died on Saturday. She was a big part of my life while I was at St. Bernards. Very well known through the community and her parents are our neighbours. My dad cried, I came out with a rash and my dad cried.

Missing JRM so much already, I'm so soppy but I don't care, I'm aloud to miss him...

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me tonight. I'm usually insecure, but tonight, I am harbouring these delusions that I'm unlovable. What the fuck is wrong with me. Argh, I shall be back, I'm going to go scream into a pillow at myself... ok back, I just paced up and down lecturing myself to stop being so stupid. I have a wonderful guy who thinks he is in love with me but isn't, he just likes me, I have friends who love me, family who love me and so many people who caare for me, I just seem to be wearing these sun glasses that are making everyone invisble on my love/care/friendship thingy radare.

*huff* If someone is able to figure out the female mind they are smart, if someone is able to figure out a young/teenage womans mind they're fucking geniuses...WE NEED MORE OF THEM!!!

*takes six breaths* I'm going to go to bed in aminute and home I don't feel this insecure tomorrow. *shudders* school, I hate school!!!

I'm in a mixture of emotions/moods tonight. I'm still angry, sad, embarrassed, missing someone, happy and a little bit energetic.

School was normal and broing. I spent the whole day in the study room working on my THX costume. I had a really good conversation with booga last night. He's not aloud to know me like that anymore, I want my manual back, but he won't give it back.

Something very interesting happened today come to think of it, I got kissed by someone I had only met once. Her name is Tamamra, she is gorgeous, smart, funny, bisexual and completely not my type. She suddenly just leant over and kissed me, I just froze up, all I could think about was how much I was missing JM. Still super anoyed about what happened, but I was missing him so much in that moment that any anger I had just slipped away. I love it when that happens.

I just had a very interesting and nice conversation with JC. We had a talk about him and DM and about my body type and about emotions/feeling/love. It made me feel very loved, special and gorgeous. And it also reminded me of a pet name i've had, botticelli angel. It has been my absolute favourite, but noone calls me it anymore, kinda sad about that.

Having Thai for dinner, can't wait for daddy to get home with it. Best way to my heart, take me to a Thai resturant for dinner and let me order anything I want. I love Thai, I love alot of ethnic foods, but Thai is the best.

I thought it was time for some change. I don't like the way I've set it out but it will have to do for the moment.

I've had another interesting night, I'm not going into details because it's none of your beeswax and it only concerns the people it involves.

Thanks to JC's subtly pushing, DM's support and the saga JM and I were just thrown into, I've come to terms with some things. I finally accepted some things about JM and me.

You can love someone immediately, you can love more than one person at a time, and you can love them even if you don’t think you do or should.

That’s one of the problems I always have. I might fall in love with someone immediately, as I have with JM, but I think I shouldn’t let myself, that I should hide my heart away and protect it. And that’s what I did, I refused to believe that I might like him more then I was admitting to, therefore, I refused to think he could do the same.

The only thing past experiences of being hurt does is help to suppress and hide our feelings…not to mention making us confused as hell about how to EXPRESS our feelings

Another problem I have had…I have been hurt or let down in my heart so many times by people I have loved, that I didn’t understand how I could allow myself to make my heart vulnerable like that again. My heart was saying yes when my head was saying no.

Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean that you and your worth is determined by them…nor even by your love for them…loving someone is just one characteristic or your whole person, not the defining one.

I was so afraid that if I did love him, that he didn’t love me…

No-one is ever perfect, so however you act in a relationship is you, and you shouldn’t change yourself unless you’re hurting yourself and WANT to change for that reason.

I didn’t see that by hiding away like I did I wasn’t just hurting myself, I was hurting him and I was hurting the potential that our relationship could have. I like potential…it gives me warm fuzzy feelings.

One of our biggest problems tonight was that there was no communication happening. I’m so headstrong and aggressive, I know that, but I was to cowardly to go with my gut because I wasn’t sure how he would react. I should never do that. I’ve gotten myself into trouble before for not trusting my instincts, it’s only when DM told me to get off my butt that I did.

I’m so thankful she was on tonight, if she hadn’t stepped in when she did, I don’t think I would be sitting here now, I think I would be in bed crying through my sleep. I half expected her to turn around and tell us to stop being such children.

So much I want to say but I’m so tired. I think I may hit the hay. Read for 15 minutes, loving my book.

A: Age you got your first kiss: 8, his name’s John Garland, he’s ugly now
B: Band listening to right now: No band, just everybody loves Raymond
C: Crush: Jared Robert Mallett
D: Dad's name: Donald (Don)
E: Easiest person to talk to: Dani
F: Favorite bands at the moment: Greenday, Yellow Cab, Nickleback, Deep Purple, The Who, Beatles, Led Zeplin, ZZ Tops, Hoobastank, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Children of Bodom, Nightwish, the list just goes on…
G: Gummy worms or Gummy bears: GUMMY BEARS!!! My favourite!!!
H: Hometown: Tamborine Mountain, though I was born in Southerland
I: Instruments: bass clarinet, flute, guitar, drums
J: Junior High:  If you mean primary…St. Bernard’s, Coomera, Bowerville, Toormina, Gaven…If you mean High schools…Tamborine Mountain State High
K: Kids: Three, if I can ever have them
L: Longest car ride ever: We went camping with the Lesarge’s, can’t remember where too though, I think that was the longest
M: Mom's name: Sharon
N: Nicknames: Amz, Richo, G.I. Jane, Hotwinter, Betty and Smiley 
O: One wish: To balance a family and a career
P: Phobia: little spiders, love big ones though
Q: Quote: The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist
R: Reason to smile: You should always smile, it makes people wonder what you’ve been up to
S: Last song you heard: Another Day in Paradise
T: Time you woke up today: 7:30am
U: Unknown fact about me:  Well what DO you know?
V: Veggie you hate: Brussels Sprouts
X: X-rays you've had: My hips, my knees, my skull, my arm and hand, collar bones, pelvis, I loose track :S
Y: Yummy food: Fruit, veggies, pasta, tomatoes, mushrooms
Z: Zodiac Sign: Aries/Taurus

I have had such a lazy good day. I have been dancing around the computer table for the past hour. It’s quite funny watching my wiggle my bum in the window, it’s such a big bum with so much to wiggle *big grin*

It’s been a pretty uneventful day. Went to Mudgeeraba with dad while he got a blood test then to Nerang for a hair cut. Got the wickedest dirty sms. Also found out a little bit about RM, well more along the lines of his feelings for me.

Meh! I’m with the person I’m totally in love with *blushes* and that’s all I care about *blushes more*

I’m so happy it’s so cool, it’s the third day and night in a row I think that I’ve been happy and had lots of energy. I want to go into my room and just dance with my music really loud but I’m talking to JC, DM, JM and MT and I don’t want to stop. Having to much fun.

I finally figured out how to do ♥ I love it, thanks Boo!!! Totally made my night. Actually what made my night was finding out that I have a sexy bum *grasps face* OH MY GOD!!! Did you know??? I certainly didn’t!!!

I’m crazy I know but you love me and you know it.

♥ ♣ ♠ • ○ ♂ ♀ ♪ ↕ ‼ ¶ § ↑ ♣ → ← ∟ ↔ ▲ ▼

Well let's see, anything interesting happening in my life at the moment? I really don't know. I'll start with my weekend shall I?

Saturday Dad and I whent for a drive down to Mudgeeraba because he needed to get a blood teste and it was the only Pathology open, then to Nerang for a hair cut...I still haven't gotten mine though, or my hair coloured *grumble*

Hmmm *groan* My mum came up today, that's great, but so did my Aunty Fi, which is really bad. I love my Aunty Fi, but haveing my mum, grandma and Aunty Fi on the same block of land is dangerious and awkward. No happy family's. Incase you didn't know, noone talks to my mum. I really wish they could be like they used to be, being able to sit around the table and chat to all hours. I miss being able to visit my Aunty's without wanting to yell and scream at her for bagging out my mum. I love my mum, and though I may not agree with what's she's done, I still think she should be happy.

But yeah, Sunday, yesterday. I whent to DM's about one, just after lunch. JC was there *big smileys* The three of us whent and met JM at the hyperdome. It was great seeing him. I miss him so much. It was a great day and a great night. MM was such a sweat heart!

But I must go, I am super tired and need to tidy some things up before I can go to bed. Hope everyone is happy :D:D:D:D:D

*DANCES ROUND THE HOUSE SCREAMING* WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON WE WON!!! YOU SUCK BLUES!!! GO THE MAROONS!!! *pokes tounge out to all blues supporters* Totaly going to kick student teachers butt tomorrow!!!

What a great game!!! The adrenalin is pumping, the energy is ruching through every limb. He just picked it out of the air!!! I love you little man!!! MINIchello eat my ass grapes!!! I so wish I could of gone to that game, I'm sure my cheering would of helped them win it faster!!! Suck ***** New South Wales!!! *chants* QUEENSLAND! QUEENSLAND! QUEENSLAND!

Well I should tell you about my day shouldn't I? Well I spent the entire morning in the office, I had hives the size of 20c pieces all over my arms and some on my legs. It took 20mg or more of Phanergon to knock me out so my body could relax enough for them to go away. It was interesting...but I'm alright now, gotta figure out what's doing it to me.

Just finished my English Dramatic Monologue. For someone's who had writters block for the past 4 months, I don't think I did too badly. Kinda frustrated at a couple of things people said about it, you know what, it's my writing and I'll do it as I want/like.

Going to see Star Wars III tomorrow night after my counciling session with mum and Justin. I can't wait, can't wait to see the movie, can't wait to go out, the late night shopping, all the goodness.

I miss Jared!!! We won!!!

Hello hello!

I had a great week this week, my mum was up from Sydney, it was great to see her and just spend time with her. She whent home today and I'm really sad again, I miss her so much. So much.

I've been sitting here watching the news, they've been talking about the Shapel Courbie Case. I believe she's innocence and I feel so helpless sitting here and not being able to do anything, to help another fellow Australian who has been wrongly accused. She was so strong in the Court Room, I could not handle being sent to prison, for any length of time, i couldn't handle it. She's gotten 20 years, 20 yeas is so much better then life, atleast she will get out, if she doesn't get the apeal or get out as a result from the appeal, she will be out in only 20 years. Yes it may be most of her life, she may become institutionalised, but she will still come home.

Well I was planning on going out this weekend and seeing JM, but my dad shot that too shit. So hopefully I will be able to go and see DM and JC on Sunday. Daddy got home today, he's been away on bussiness all week. I'm so happy to see him, I've missed him alot this week.

There was something that I wanted to write about, but my dad just came over and said goodnight so I can't remember what it was. I am so easily agitated tonight. I just want my mum back, I didn't want her to go. I hate her living so far away. Most people don't realise how much the depend on their parents, not until they loose them.

I still have a bad case of the flu, nothing's changed, except my old tounge piercing is hurting for some reasons, no idea why, maybe because I'm sleeping/snoring with my mouth open because I have a blocked nose *blushes*

I have slept most of the day, I didn't get up until 11:30 then fell asleep on the couch before.

I'm going through this Star Wars Craze at the moment...somene tell me what's wrong with me...

I've had a think about it, and I don't think I'd mind if I got bracers. It would take me a while to get used to them, but I'd reckon I'd do fine. If anything, I'd become more confident, I know most people become shy because of them, but I mean come on, after the hip thingy and shaving my head, I don't think much could make me shy. I know though that if I am to get them, they are going to be plain, none of that brightly coloured stuff, I hate those brightly coloured thingy's. Yes I'm plain, NO I'M NOT PLAIN!!! Admitt it Amy, you're not very adventure...adventure...advernture...oh I can't think of the word but you're definetly not that!!!

I'm going to stop with the internal debate now and watch May......yes May

SUCK ON THAT KAYLEEN!!! Now everyone knows how much of a coniving bitch you are! For those of you who don't know who Kayleen is, she's a girl who I have been friends with many times, much to my inner objections. Again there has been alot of shit happening with her and I finally confronted her. I was sick of it. I wanted to know what the hell was going on. Ok I know it's really not like me to do what I've done (I know you have no clue what I mean), but I'm aloud to have lapses in character as well. And besides, I have to live up to my tittle...don't really remember what it is anymore, has quite a few nasty words in it...if anyone remembers, please let me know.

I would like to post the conversation that we had, but that would be too cruel. It's so funny, she doesn't understand words larger then two syllables yet she still sticks by saying that she's smarter then me! It's so freaking funny!!! It's a good thing I didn't use multi-syllable bitching words (as JC calls them). I can really be abitch sometimes can't I?

The anoyance of having two blog's is that once you've done one, you've run out of things for the other. So I'll make it short...

Last night was fantastic. Richard came round, it was great seeing him, I've missed everything about him, even the shit stiring and the potty mouth. He left at about 4am and it was frezing outside, I haven't heard anything from him today so I'm hoping he didn't fall asleep driving home this morning and run off the road lol.

Today was good, tireing, painful, but great. I got a new top and some new shorts. I know we're going into winter but I loved them so much I had to con dad into buying them for me too *big grin*

I'm studying tonight and tomorrow, so boring, but so very needed. I have so many exams, performance, assessment, pracs next week, I'm wondering if I'm going to be able to get them all done. *panic look*

Those were just the tags they sugested, I'm a little suspicious about the "run lola run" one :S

Hi all! I've lost count of how many times I've written this post tonight. Everytime I've changed it. So I've ended up with the basics of my week.

Tuesday-First day of Work Experience (WE)
Wednesday-2nd day of WE, had lunch with Booga, spent night at RM, State Of Origion (Maroons lost)
Thursday-3rd day of WE, had lunch with Booga
Friday-Last day of WE, met Shane and spent all of my breaks talking with him, also exchanged numbers and emails, whent to dinner and movie with JM, DM and JC, caught train home escorted by JC, he's so wonderful.
Today-Whent shopping with Alocer, came  back here, sold him my phone, Skyla dropped round with her boyfriend, spent rest of night continuing my conversation with JC and listening to Jazz and Blues. Not to mention arguing with my dad

Not much planned for this week, hopefully see DM when I can and going to Alocers Friday week with Booga. Also try and see RM and pick up my stuff he's got, expecially my blistex, my lips are killing me.

I'm going to bed now, I'm not in a good mood and don't want to talk to anyone. I hope everyone else is good. I've missed you all!!!

*dances along to Sway by Michael Buble*

I wish I was a glo worm, a glo worm's never glum, 'cause how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out your bum!

Well I am in a better mood today. Got up late, had pancakes, watched video hits and some Footy Show, got bored with it so I've come on here to gasp bag to tomato.  Dad and I have to go down to Spotlight today, gotta buy some fabric paints.

*dances along to Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison*

Well this week has been great. I loved working at Ezy DVD. The poeple there were great, I made some new friends and have a job for the entire Christmas Holidays :)

*dances along to Days Like This by Van Morrison*

Yes it is taking me a while to write this but I am counciling, organising to meet up with someone and chatting about Jazz with someone else.

*dances along to Jackie Wilson Said by Van Morrison*

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Stupid song just ended, it's alright, it's gone to one of my favourites so I don't mind.

*dances along to Moondance by Van Morrison*

Yes I love my Van, he is a wonderful singer and musician. I love this song. Ever since I saw a girl at my cousins school performing it in the showcase, that's what I've wanted to do, but back then I had the voice to do it, perfect for jazz, and I played a bass clarinet, it was a perfect fit!!! Stupid vocal chords, nothing seems to go my way when there's something I want to do. Except Bungy Jumping, that was great *big smiles* *sings along with song* my brothers looking at me wierd, I have the head phones on and he's reading the paper next to me on the dining table.

But I was telling you about my week wasn't I.....

I stayed at RM on Wednesday. That was good, it actually turns out that my dad and his parents lived in the same place in England, whent to the same places, and knew people who went to the same schools. I'm glad he's made some new friends, he doesn't have many, and not much of a life, and he deserves one jsut as much as we do. He's a great man and I'm lucky to have him as my dad, he cares for me so much. Totaly off topic again lol.

*dances and sings along to Let's Stay Together by Al Green*

I wish I could listen to our Moody Blues CD but I've already gotten in trouble this week for pinching it *blushes* Back to my week...Yeah RM's was good. We had a yummy dinner which I talked through most of *blushes* We watched State Of Origion. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?! Get your acts together. Don't mind me, pissy we lost that, if we don't get our acts together we're going to loose the whole damn thing. RM and I stayed up till about 4:30am just talking. It was good to see him. I love that I can just talk to him, about anything, and not have to worry about anything, I love our friendship. But you don't want to hear about that. Booga also came and had lunch with me on Wednesday, have I said that already? I can't remember and I can't be bothered rereading all of that.

He also came and had lunch with me on Thursday, only really because I still had his ring, he forgot to get it off me when he left. It was late night shopping on Thursday. I ran into Brad on my dinner break. Dad was there waiting for me to finish, we had just gotten to the Food Court and there he was, standing there, talking on his phone. After he finally realised who I was, he was excited to see me. We chated for about 10 minutes, exchanged phone numbers and we're going to meet up sometime in the next two weeks.

Friday was my last day of Work Experience. I was meant to be staying at DM but then that got canceled, then JM, JC and DM where going to stay here, but that got canceled. So I was at the understanding I was just going straight home with my dad. We got to the first set of traffic lights after leaving the Hyperdome and JM called. The three of them were looking for me outside Ezy DVD. We turned around and whent back and after much groveling with the father, the three of us whent to dinner and saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I loved it, there was action, some great one liners, a little bit of romance and two of my favourite actors. We dropped JM off then JC caught the train to Nerange with me before going home himself. Isn't he wonderful.

I was in this whole Angelina faze yesterday, I was so happy I had bought Girl Interupted during the week. I love that movie, it makes me cry every time.

HOLY SHIT! How long is this thing. Sorry guys, you don't have to read it all, I'll leave the rest for another time, I've gotta have a shower and go to SpotLight.

BYE BYE

I'm having a slight dilema. I am going to get another piercing...for those that don't already know, i absolutely love them and had my tounge pierced at one point...but I don't know where to get it. I love my mother, she is willing to give me permission to get just about anywhere done, and if not, my piercer thinks i'm 18 anywhere (that can't be a good thing). I whent and saw him yesterday and we had a quick chat about it, he gave me the little booklet thingy and I've been looking a couple of them up this morning because I had a couple of concerns, but all sorted now.

My choices are pretty limited because of my dad, not aloud to get my eyebrow, nose or labret done, and I'd really like to do my labret. So yes, I can do my; ear rim, tragus etc., tongue or nipple.

I've talked to a couple of my mates about what I should get and I've gotten different responses from them all. I wish I could do my Labret...evil dad *glares at thought of father* What do you reckon?

I'm listening to the "You got served" soundtrack at the moment. Another one that makes me want to dance. Levi has just left, he came round today. Very sad he's moved to Brisbane, it's going to cut our time together down dramatically. I'm going up there next Friday though, with Booga. That should be good. I got something very happy today though :D I got a message from (tries to think of code name) Stoner (no not Sam Stoner) before, we're going to get together sometime in the next two weeks and get 'seriously hammered' as he put it. I have the feeling I am going to be sitting there sober with him cracking onto me. It's so funny because JM has no idea what that means...it means alot. But we don't want to hear about that do we?

I'm cold...

What I'd like to say to my grandmother....

Stop being so immature. I did the right thing and the best thing for my brother and if you can't see that then you're not worth my time of day. If you would have rathered me endangering his life by doing something unnecessary then you have no right to be called family and I want nothing to do with you. Stop listening to other people's shit about me and ask me yourself. Don't go behind my back gossiping like the old biddy you are. It's my life and I'll live it how I like and other people opinions mean shit to me so they shouldn't to you.

I want to swear my head off at her, tell her how much of a two year old she's being. She pisses me off so damn much. I'd love to tell her that she means shit to me and she can go and die!

Today was great. I had my orthodontist appointment in the morning and spent the majority of the rest of the day with Jon...does that even make sense, the majority of the rest of the day? Oh Never mind.

Orthodontist appointment whent well. Bill actually remember me from 6 years ago. He said my teeth were beautiful. My bite is perfect, I used to have a bad underbite, and most of my teeth are straight. But I have this one that looks like it belongs in a hillbilly's mouth (bad mental pictures). In about 3 or 4 months I'm getting braces on my top teeth. I'll only have them on for about 9 months which is good. After they're off I will have a permentant brace glued onto the back of my top and bottom front teeth. It's going to cost over $4000 though. :| FOR THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!

Had a great time with Jon. Had this drunk sensation all afternoon and kept falling over, but it was good. WE had lunch and did lots of window shopping. I ran into my ex music teacher, it was so funny because he saw me walking out of Off Your Tree, for those of you who don't know, they sell bongs and piercing stuff and do tattoos, not the kinda shop a teacher should see you comming out of lately lol. It was just a good day all around...and I'm in a great happy mood.

Hope everyone else is happy :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D Wow what's with all the happiness :|

Oh and I can't believe Leigh saw me in a skirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well It's been an interesting morning. Our oven exploded while I was trying t light the stove....scared the living shit out of me. It was a big enough boom to shake the house and move the stove about 10 cm away from the wall, maybe more. The oven has fallen through into the grill, and there was fire everywhere, I had to put the stove top back together again....not to mention I still had hair on my face. I'm still a little shacken up about it. If it'd been left any longer I don't think we'd have a kitchen left. Well I know how to make an affective bomb now!!! :|

Got my mid year report yesterday. I did really well, both mum and dad were very proud. I did very well for the amount of time I've had off school, lowest mark being a C, and that's really good, seeings I failed my SOSE exam.

It's cold, I'm lonely, I'm bored and a little shaken up, hope everyone else is good.

My mind is muddled

I wish someone else could figure it out. I wish I could get my own way. I wish I wasn't faced with the decisions I have to make

But we don't get what we want do we?

I spent the day with boogaman yesterday. It was great to see him and be able to talk to him without worying what everyone's gonna say. I got a bit touchy yesterday when talking about the fact that most of my 'friends' now hate me, and those are his friends who give him shit when he's around me. I mean I understand where his mothers coming from but it's none of anyone elses bussiness! Don't mind me, was having a Catty moment.

JM and I broke up the other night. I guess it was for the best, though I'm still aloud to be sad.

I watched Ray last night, IT'S A GREAT MOVIE!!! I've put it on again this morning. It's such a great movie, such a great story, and the acting is marvelous!!! It made me cry *blushes* If you haven't seen it I'd suggest you do. God he was a good musician wasn't he. I was so sad when he passed away last year. I love his music, I'm going to go out and buy all of his music. H'es wonderful!

Well here's some pictures of me...I hope I do it right...if I don't, don't blame me!!!

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THINGS EXPLODING AROUND ME!!!! The lightbulb above me, in the loungeroom/kitchen/dining room just exploded, and I mean exploded!! What is wrong with me? Do I have bad juju? Have I don't something to deserve this bad luck?

*thinks*

*makes a realisation*

Ok I'll shut up now.

Where do I start, Saturday, Saturday night or yesterday (being Sunday)? I'll start with Saturday. Dad and I whent down to Spotlight, bought new curtains and my fabric paints YIPEE!!!

Saturday night we whent to the Lesages for dinner, Karin dyed my hair (YIKES!) and we did some other beauty stuff, like did our nails and so on. Dinner was sooo yummy, but the downside to this great night, my dad ate something he shouldn't have and landed himself in the Hospital for the majority of the night. He's home from work today, still feeling tired and washed out from the Phenergon and just the reaction.

Well yesterday was great, fabulous, wonderful, I didn't want it to end...I really didn't. I had such a great time. Karin drove me to the train station because I had ended up sleeping at her place because my dad and the whole being in Hospital thing. I made good friends with  Samoan guy at Nerange station, and then made friends with the homless abo guy at Beenleigh bus/train station. I ended up waiting about 45 minutes for Brad to finally get there, he had to drop his stuff at Hayles (Skanky hoe).

When Brad and (Canadian) Josh finally got there, no idea what we were going to do. We bumbed our way up to the corner near the round about, sat on some seats, talked about how they're homeless and so on (meaning sex). Decided we wanted to get out of the cold so walked down to Marketplace, Brad also was being a jerk and wanted Booga or Sarah to see us, but we're all like that time. We didn't run into them, we bumbed around there for a while, caused havoc in the childrens session and I think we scared a little kid with what we were doing to the teddy bears.  It was funny.

From there we bumbed our way to Brad's place (he was staying at Hayles last night). I gave Josh's hair a trim and CUT Josh's hair...I did such a great job, then I dyed the two of their hairs black. I did a great job, was so happy and proud. Watched some family guy then whent down to Mt. Waren shops, got some grub then bumbed our way to Big Josh's house, running into a nice car on the way, we were also called freaks but MEH!.

Hannah ended up meeting us there, she's dating Canadian Josh, absolutely love her, well love the two of them. Hannah and I talked about a shit load while the boys strode ahead of us. Walked to their work...HAHAHA THEY WORK AT MACAS!!! Stopped there for a bit while we ate and drank. Then made our way slowly to the train station, Josh and Hannah strode a head of us giving Brad and I some time to talk. Got to the train station, Hannah realises she's lost her smokes somewhere so Josh being the great boyfriend he is RAN back to Macas but found them on his way back on the ground. Realised the train wouldn't be there for another 40 minutes so just satu at the train station talking and smoking and so on.

Had a great chat with two old guys on the train, nearly missed my stop, nearly left my phone on the train. And I also managed to streal Josh's jacket lol! It was cold and I forgot I was wearing it. But overall it was a great bumbing around day. I didn't want it to end, didn't want to come home, and I'm still on a little high from it. hope everyone else had a great weekend!!!

I'm tired. I thought I might as well update before I go crash on my bed. I wanted to transfere the music Brad burnt me so I could listen to it as I drift onto oblivion. Ow him a big hug for it, I'm loving it all so far. There's some Thrice, Avenged Sevenfold, Cradle Of Filth, Finch, The Used, Milencolin, Rise Against, Simple Plan, Page Avenue, Strung Out, Sugarcult, Tell Your Friends. It's good because I now know the names and titles of alot of the music I like.

Spent yesterday down in Beeleigh again, I'm turning into a Beenleigh Bogan. Booga sad I looked like a complete homegirl when I met him after work. Wearing my jeans, studs, BIG Blink T, black jacket and a black heanie, but that happens, expecially when it PISSES DOWN RAIN ON YOU!!! Brad loved it, we were little bobsy twins at one point. Had an ok encounter with Hayle, she is a nice girl and absolutely gorgeous, noone can compete with that.

Stayed at Booga's last night. STUPID FUCKING SARAH I HATE HER!!! Sorry Booga, but she's such a bitch, just because she doesn't like me, has no friends, doesn't me she has any right to try and drag me down to her level. But eh, I'm over it now, just next time I'm giving away any self control.

Smoked to much, swore to much, had a shit load of fun.

Oh and Brad is now officially the only person who has ever seen and heard me play the guitar. Beautiful electric, great sound *shivers* ooooh I want it!!!!!

Combine "Saying Goodbye" and "Pretty Girl (The Way)" by Sugarcult...you've got me in a nut shell.

I'm starting to wonder if all this time with this particular group of friends/people, is having a good impact on me? I've become much more into my music, and I didn't even think that was possible, I'm more confident in some areas of my life, but less is others, I'm swearing alot more, smoking alot more, going out alot more, alot more happy, and I've written 3 new songs, 4 new poems and made 3 new additions on my shirt. So I'm not sure....

Am I an EMO? I hope not....

Well it has finally stoped raining. We've had rockslides, mudslides, flooding, creeks on our front yard, fallen branches everywhere, and the rain has finally stoped. Justin said he jsut came from the Coast, and it was a good thing he was driving a diesel truck. The rain is heading South now, so the coast will drain pretty damn fast...I hope anyway.

I am cleaning today fun fun! NOT!!! I have starte writing a new song...would you like to hear it? It's in draft stages, but I've already got some ideas for music and stuff. Traditional piano, some drums and bass and an electric guitar....well here it is anyway, please tell me what you think of it. A little iffy about posting it on here, so be nice.

Passion

You know... I have never been so scared in my life.

The lights are on me now, your eyes searching threw my soul

Comparing me to what is better

A blaming me for not being the best!

And here I am singing, a song I have sung so many times before

To the points the words have no meaning

To the point that each note rolls stale off my tongue

And do you not hear the piano play?

Is it just me you are here to see

Do you not hear the accompinase play?

Screaming their soul just as loudly as me

Do you not admire the skill, the passion, in each note that is played

-dances around the room- I'm happy!!! I pretty much just scored a pair of docs. I've wanted a pair for ages.

Had a good night last night, it was Karliens 21st Birthday. I made new friends :D I met Andrew's girlfriend, she's great, a very good choice for a first girlfriend, she didn't want to leave with the boys, she wanted to stay with me, which I can understand, a drunk Alex would make anyone want to stay. It was a great night, with great people, and Karlien loved her presents. OOOOOOh the jelly shots were great, I got just a little bit tipsy hehehe.

Booga has a new girlfriend. I'm so happy for him, and happy because he's happy, I want him to be happy, but I can't help but feel just a tiny bit jealous. Maybe he'll believe me when I compliment him on things now. And there won't be JES anymore hopefully.

Friday was good, the day with Dick, the night with Alocer and Celria. Saturday was shopping with dad and today is a lazy day. Cleaning my room tomorrow and getting ready for school on Tuesday.

EVERYONE CONGRATULATE wraithwarden ON GETTING HER NEW JOB!!!

First day back at school today. Had a great start, I was late, my alarm has broken so i slept in till like 9 o'clock. Didn't get into school till about 11, I missed my entire first class. I'm already enjoying our new unit in SOSE, we're doing poetry in English so I'll ace it, and continuing Rabbit in THX. Downside of school, Dani's back. It's not that I don't like her or anything, she just holds a huge grudge over me. Things didn't go her way with a guy and she blames me, though I had nothing to do with it, it's so childish and stupid.

I found out a couple of minutes ago that my friend's housemate committed suicide. She jumped off a bridge in Brisbane onto concrete. Although her and I didn't get on, I send my prays to her and her family. It must be horrible to loose a child, I know how I felt when I thought I'd lost my brother a couple of weeks ago.

I don't understand it, he lost me once by accusing me of lying, now he's gone and done it again. Maybe it'll be better us not being friends, I won't constantly be jealous. I'm aloud to be jealous, we were together for a year and a half. I just don't understand why he'd willingly lose my friendship, I thought I still ment something to him. Oh well.

In other news, school was good today, I spent the entire day hiding from someone. I never hide. I have certainly changed alot. I was talking to Soph about that today, I have changed so much since primary school, I blame it on Kitten and Mr. President, not that I don't like the person I am, I mean if I didn't I'd change. It just seems that alot of people have a problem with me.

But one thing I won't stand for is being called a liar, I got it from Stephen, I don't have to accept it from anyone. Not even him.

Whent and saw Mrs. Rekort today, I may be finally getting a trainee ship, except there is a change of employer, hopefully it will be with friend Wayne, he is a hairdresser and owns a salon in Nerange. I would not mind at all doing a hairdressing trainee ship, yes it's shitty work, yes you don't get paid much, but hairdressing is something I am already fairly good at and rather enjoy doing. Look at such friends heads as Josh and Brad for some of my work. Hehehe.

THX rehearsals this afternoon. Everyone was unfocused, noone would do anything, and I had to wait for day to get home, sitting out in the freezing cold watching Pierce on his skateboard *makes lame YIPEE signal*

Got stacks of homework to do tonight, cleaning my room tomorrow and Saturday morning in hope that I will get it finished in time to go to Logrus' birthday Saturday afternoon/night. I'm grounded until it's finished and for once he's sticking to his guns.

What have I don't today? School, Thai for dinner, groped at school, done some painting.

Tomorrow? Hopefully finish my room in time to go to Jon's birthday, otherwise...I can't go.

Yeaterday and last night was great! Got up and did my room, then caught the train to Loganlea where I was meeting Wraithwarden. I made a new friend on the train, his name is Bill and he's Chinese, he has really bad English. Met up with Wraith, drive to Logrus' in brissie. The three of us whent shopping and Wraith and I picked out the best birthday cake...it was soooooo yummy!

The night was great. We didn't end up having proper food, just ate cheese and and nibbly stuff all night. I made a new friends. He drove me home last night, it was great of him to do that, he lives in Bundall, well atleast I think it's Bundall.  We talked for ages, it was good, I retract my statement that I made at Logrus' about him, he's not, at all.

Oh and Wraith. He had the same first reaction as I did, I feel so *mumbles off into oblivion*. But nah, he was a great guy, it's good making friends. I spelt in till 3 this afternoon. But I didn't get to bed until late this morning. I think we freaked Jason out though, when we were driving him back. It was so funny. I was oo comfortable and he was coughing up a lung and holding on tight int he back

School was school. I had something on my mind all day, sometimes it made me sad, sometimes happy, sometimes it made me feel loved and beautiful, but mainly it just made it very hard to concentrate in class. Rhy's and I avoided and ignored each other all day, not suprising, he didn't want to talk to me, I'm not going to judge him or treat him bad, just be more weary. But I can understand why he wouldn't want to talk to me after what he did.

I have a big sore ugly bruise around my left wrist, it's from wrestling with EFB on Saturday night. I got questions about it all day, and Angie grabbed it at one point, it's so sore. I wish I had remembered to get his number so I could make him feel bad, and see how his bruises are going lol! Just so no-one gets the wrong idea, we were wrestling over a jacket, it was cold in the car.

Well aren't I a naughty girl *winks at Boo*

Well today was good. Had the Reach workshop in the morning, it was so emotional, all the girls where crying in my group and so was one of the guy. I heard that one of the guy in the other group broke down in tears aswell. At the end each of us were suposed to stand up and either Achknowledge someone who we thought never was, say sorry to someone we had hurt or say thankyou to someone that meant alot to us and had helped us. I stood up and achknowledged Rachel. I think she deserved it most out of the entire grade. *smiley embarrasingly* Lindsy stood up in the other group and achknowledged me. I was so embarrassed when I heard he'd done that, and so many people came to me throughout the day to say thankyou and said I was a great person and did great things for our grade and so on. It really made my day.

I have three hours to do, six bags. Me and a guy in my grade got sent to Mr. Rodwell for breaking the hands off policy. We were "barging" as Mrs. Koureas put it. I felt really bad simply for the fact he's only been at the school for 3 days. *laughs nervously*. He's a really cool guy...I MADE ANOTHER NEW FRIEND!!!

*thinks to self about other new friend. Winks at Boo and Wraith*

Sports day tomorrow *groan*

Sports Carnival today. It was great fun. I only participated in one event, shotput, and we all know I'm good at that. If I hadn't stuffed up my last throw I would have placed, but I did, I stuffed up my footing, so I got forth. Forth out of 12 girls. I thought that was pretty good, and besides, both shots were farely acceptable *dances around happily*

The whole day was alot of fun, alot of muking around, joking, laughter, gossiping! I couldn't believe how much gossiping there was, and how much I took place in. Well more girl talk then anything. It seems it is that time of the year again where someone likes someone else, well everyone but me *sniffs*.

I realised I am one of the mothers in our grade. Everyone talks to me, asks me for advise, I get on with most of them, they ask me for help, and so on and so forth. I don't mind at all because it means they have trust in me, which makes me feel really good, but...yes the but. But I don't want to go into the but of that because there's no real reason, sometimes I just wish I wasn't, sometimes I wish I could be a kid, do the stupid stuff they do. But I guess I'm not, I can be, but I'm not. And I don't mind.

Pretty girl is suffering, while he confesses everything
Pretty soon she'll figure out what his intentions were about
That's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head
That's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head

It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love

She's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego and
Her killer instinct tells her to beware of evil men
And that's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head
And that's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head

It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love

It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
Love

Pretty girl, pretty girl

Pretty girl is suffering, while he confesses everything
Pretty soon she'll figure out
You can never get 'em out of your head

It's the way
That he makes you cry
It's the way
That he in your mind
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love

It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
Love

He's hit walls, gotten into fist ups, hit his girlfriend's car, attempted suicide, now he's rolled his car on the goat track! What's he going to do next?!?! I don't want to think about that actually. I'm sure his car will be totalled, which is going to cause problems. He's alright, so I've heard already.

I was woken up at about 5:30 by the phone, it was Justin, he was very distraught and wanted dad. Dad was in the shower and there were some yelling, screaming, swearing while I tried to get him to open the door. Dad rushed down there and all I do now is wait to see what's happening. I hope he's ok. On that note I'm getting off the phone line. Hope everyone is good.

Justin's fine. He walked away shaken up, a cut along the top of his head and a sore shoulder. The care is a ride off. He whent straight over the edge, nose first and rolled it a couple of times. Not side over side, nose over end. Dad didn't end up going to work today, he's exhusted, tired and stressed.

My day was good. Someone made a big deal over something in Maths and I spent the day someone else. I HATE HIGHSCHOOL!!! Nah not really, I love it, just sometimes it's anoying with the immaturity and so on.

I heard something amazing today. I know most of you have no clue who he is, but for those of you that do. Daniel Michael (Holt) from last year, he was in the London Bombings!!! He was standing on the platform when the bombs started going off, he wasn't killed, on the contrary, he is a hero. He saved 20 school kids!!! He's wonderful isn't he, and I always thought he was an anoying asshole, but I great actor.

I'm about ready to burst!!! There is something that's been bugging me all week, and I just can't seem to leave it alone. It's in my every thought, my every feeling, my every dream. And it's not something I want in there. I wish it would leave me alone, even for just a minute, but it doesn't. The only time it does is when Peter's making a big deal about James. Not something I want either!!!

I want Logrus to come home! I miss him, Wraith misses him, everyone misses him. And there's something I need to find out too, I've had a track stuck in my head for I don't know how long now (seems so long ago), and I would really like to know who it was so that I can download it or buy it.

School was interesting. Rhy's is a stupid git! He did something stupid and I can't be bothered giving him the time of day. Peter continues to make a big deal about small things, it's getting anoying, but I can't stay angry at him. I have done something to my right hand, it's red, sore and swollen. No idea what I've done, I've just noticed it.

THX rehearsals today. I have been talking to Briar about it, and it seems I'm not the only one who thought it was great. And not the only one seeing the difference in Angus. He is opening up so much, it's great, and he's also opening up oss the stage, and he's opening up to me *sniffles*. Briar said to me that she nearly cried when I was being "judged". I knew I did pretty well today, but I didn't think I did that well *eyes bulge*

I'm feeling rather sad all of a sudden, I don't know why, actually I think I have a clue. It's not something I can fix, it's not something I can change, just obssess, procrastonate and pick at myself about.

Justin is ok, his shoulder hurts but he's fine. I'm so happy he's ok!!!

Woot Woot!!! The happiness is in full yet again this morning. *bounces along with music* I do believe my father thinks I am wierd, more so then usual I mean. We are off to the Coast soon, must buy new book, and hunt around for 2 cd's I want. Finally found out what they're called, thanks to the very sexy...I mean.....Hint and Enigma. I love them, had them stuck in my head all week. Stupid net, can't find their songs on here anyway, must go out and buy them now *grumbles*

I'm super happy, I hope you have a super happy day....wow this is wierd, someone smack me!

I have had a good weekend. I get my dad to bring me back home on Saturday just after we'd left to go shopping, I stayed home and cleaned so that I was able to go to Tabs' last night. I had so much fun. I was so ditsy the entire night. Aeden and Gere have changed so much! I love the new Aeden, I'm actually able to have a conversation and joke around with him now. But the new Gere? Well he just shits me off! Everytime I'd walk into a room Cam would leave, it was quite amuzing actually, it's so childish. I was happy though to find out that some people I thought were against me are quite warm towards me. Made me feel great.

I also had some other warm fuzzy feelings last night. It was fabulous! I am missing those feelings already *looks in odd direction* Oh look here they come again *big grin* Girl's are so funny, Mini Tabs and I had a long in depth discussion. It was great, we were so happy for each other *sigh*

Well I am exhusted and talking with Miss Wraith, must be off soon. HAVE A GOOD WEEK EVERYONE!!!

I feel completely violated! Rhys gropped me again today! What does he not get about no and being slapped? I don't get it, when someone says stock it, I thought that was pretty clear, not to mention the red hand print across his face. Maybe I should have a word with my very tall very big friend Angus...what do you think???

Talked with Logrus last night. He's so mean, teasing me like that!!! Ah *sigh* why is it that when you speak of the devil he arises?

My mind is being completely invaded again...what ever happened to me exercising self controll!!!!

I have been home for about an hour now. I whent to school with a sore knee, took some panadole in first period and it didn't get any better so was sent home. I don't like this having to ask permission from Tracey to leave when I'm in exrusiating pain, I wonder what she'd say if I just cut my ear off or something.

I had the best night last night. Was up to God knows what hour with my phone continuesly going off. I am so happy now, shall explain later ;)

I'm a little worried. JM has been avoiding and ignoring me. I found out that he's deleted and blocked me from his account, I have no idea what I've done wrong :( No-one seems to know. I wish I knew why he's not talking to me :(

Today was alright. Had the day of school, slept most of it. Whent and saw the doctor this arvo. i have stretched a ligiment in my knee, but it should be right in a couple of days, I've just gotta take it easy and wear the right shoes.

It's a specials someone's birthday tomorrow (shut up Logrus)! I hope he has a good day (working). Dad's is NEXT weekend (yes I realised I missed a week). Gotta figure out what I'm getting him.

Theatre Excellence camp in a couple of weeks, getting really excited. And we have our first performace next month. The 19th, Somerset College, it's the Gold Coasts Secondary Schools Drama Festival. We didn't end up entering the other one, the rights one, they didn't send us the topic in time.

I'm finally close to finishing the Calico bag, I really stuffed it up again tonight *sigh* Me and my stupidity.

Today was pretty ok. I ended up having to use my crutches, god I hate those things, and they make my hands hurt. Rehearsals were ok, seeing's I couldn't do anything properly. But my knee is feeling slightly better.

Shorty had a bad day. How much does that suck, It's his birthday and he wanted to crawl into a whole. His mother double booked the night and cancelled his birthday celebrations. I never knew you could dislike someone without ever meeting them. Must talk to ?????? about something that happened regarding him this morning. Thoroughly strange and confusing.

Free Dress tomorrow, damn these Students Council comitments. And I can just tell that no matter what I wear I'm going to be slandered, groped and called a freak. The pleasures of high school. How much longer do I need to indure this awful place.

Not to mention the emmbarrassment I suffered this afternoon. Oh my god I was so embarrassed. I wanted to go crawl into a little ball, into a little hole and shrivell up and die. Maybe even drown. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day of bitching and strange clothing. Hope everyone has a good day.

Well I woke up with my phone going off, it was SP AGAIN! He was just making me jealous about the fact he's at the V8 Supercar today while I'm at home. He called me just as the race started, all I could hear was the beautiful sound of the V8's *goes off into a day dream* He did say though that if he had known I loved car racing and V8's so much he would of asked me to come along. *grumble grumble*

But we've been talking all day. The friendship is going great, having alot of fun. Gotta love new friends and having that get to know each other thing. But I had to turn around before and tell him I wasn't particularly interested in hearing about a girl he was perving on, so we made an agreement, he doesn't tell me about that kinda stuff and I won't tell him.

Dad told me somthing before which I didn't particuarly want to hear. The real estate agent is comming to have a look at our house tomorrow and do an evaluation. There is an interested buyer. WE'RE NOT EVEN ON THE MARKET!!! Dad said that him and Grandma had talked about it and if they are offering enough, going to pay what they want, then we'll be selling. At the time I burst out into tears. This is my home. I've lived here most of my life, all my memories are here. When I lived with mum and we did all that moving around, I was still able to call this place home, I wanted to bring my kids up here, in this house, were I was brought up. It made me really upset for a while.

Dad and I have talked about since then, I had a cry and he gave me a big hug, which he hadn't done since Friday night. If we were to sell, we wouldn't be moving off the mountain. we'd be staying here. But I'm still sad, I'm close to those that are most important to me, it's a eprfect spot and this is my home. But you never know, the people not might want to pay enough money, so we might stay here. Which will make me very happy.

But as for my punishment for Friday night. I think he said something about me being grounded till Christmas. Hehehe, I know I will be grounded for a while, but it won't be that long, cause he knows that I'd stop paying attention to it after a while cause I missed my friends to much, or he'd just forget about it.

But other then that...I'm about ready to kick SP's butt and I think he's about ready to do it to me too *evil grin*

Dean is a tedy bear and Dani is a girly-girl

Deal with it Dani...you are!!!!

Well i'm upset right at the moment. There are people comming to look at the house tomorrow and my dad won't explain to me how we're getting forced into selling our home. OUR HOME! WHERE WE LIVED AS A FAMILY!!! WHERE I HAVE ALL MY MEMORIES!!! As you can see I do not want to move. I'm willing to tie myself to the railings, chain myself to something so that they can't force me to leave. I can't believe that Grandma and Popy will actually force us into selling this place. And noone will really explain it to me! I hate it, it's as if they think I am some child who does not deserve to know and who they think wouldn't be able to grasp anything more then tieing my shoe laces.

Had a talk with dad before (just before the house topic) about Friday night. He's over it and I see now that if I had takeled it a bit differently I would have been able to go. But I'm hot headed and headstrong and so is he, but he's over it now so it's all good. He's having a think as to how long I shall be grounded for, I don't think it will be very long, and I hope not because there are people that I want to see that I haven't seen in a while and are dying to see.

I want to kick and scream and make holes in the walls so noone will want to buy it. I want to cry so hard and so loud and so long that my grandparents will see how much these pieces of wood and plaster mean to me. But I won't, I won't fall apart, I won't be a child. I will keep my eyes dry and my head high, because I am strong and I can get through this, no matter how much it is killing me inside.

I'm a little happier. I'm going to think positive, think that they don't want our house or don't offer enough.

I get to go out Saturday with a friend, down the coast, and I'm going to buy my dad's birthday present. It's  his 55th on Sunday. I am so gob smacked about who I'm going with.  *Big grin* :D So very happy!!! They cancelled other plans to see me *blushes* :$  Can you guess who it is? *wink wink* ;)

My mum just called, that's lifted my mood even more.

Had our SOSE excurtion today. AJ Bush, Landfill site, Mac Donalds, Water Treatment, Sewage Treatment. It was discusting, I was feeling so sick by the time we got to the Sewage Treatment plant I had to stay in the bus with Petra, not that I minded or anything. I didn't want to go out there anyway. And Petra and I were having girl time. Talking about SP and her screw ups of the month, been some pretty big ones.

Dropped in at Jason and Shannon's on the way home. I hate Jason, he got something out of me I didn't want to tell him. But he seems better since Friday. He's going through that disliking the ex stage. But I can understand, after what she did I'm not that impressed either. I got the full details this afternoon (without the tears)

Looking forward to my weekend *dances around happily*

I feel like a complete idiot. Someone says I'm so mature, smart and so on, then they say something else in the same sentence and I have no clue what it means *blushes*

Well I'm home today. What ever my dad had/has, in contagious. Kinda sucks, this is the second Latin dance class I've missed *grumbles*

There was another Real Estate Agent that came and had a look at our house this morning. I was still in my pj's. I HATE THEM!!!!!

Well today was alright. Nothing special. I went and saw the school nurse and we had a good old chat. The Japanese students arrived today…kinda freaky actually…one of them looked just like JM…it was really creepy!!!

Looking forward to the weekend…shopping with SP. Gotta get dad’s present, buy a cork board for my room, replace the build up on my shoe and take back my discman. I’ll finally be able to listen to music again…YAY!!!

Missing Wraith, Logrus, Joe and Blade. I really wanna see Wraith…really really badly!

Well I'm off to bed in a minute. Been waiting for ages for my brother to get off the net, and even though both my dad and I told him I'm not well and need to go to bed, he still waites till 9:30 to get off. It's so fucking frustrating!!!! ARGH!

Today was allright, classes were good. But I have had a really bad headache all day and it escalated into a migrane this arvo. I'm also completely puffy in the face and my eyes are bloodshot. I expected to be in bed an hour ago.....STUPID BROTHER!!!

Really looking forward to tomorrow.....

Greetings and salutations to all my crazy little rockers and groovers....hehehe

Have had a great weekend so far. Shopping and movie yesterday, birthday dinner last night and dad's birthday today.

Yesterday was great. Got in his car and after discussing the strong smell of egg and going in completely the wrong direction to where we wanted to go, we sat there is silence. After talking for 3 weeks, non-stop for the past one, we had nothing to talk about. It was quite funny, but quite awkward aswell. But the day was good. He walks like a little steam train, I couldn't keep up, and he's so little! I didn't understand. We finished our shopping in just over an hour and whent back to his place. His house is huge!!! Makes ours look like a match box! But when we got there, one of the walls is covered in certificates and awards for cross country...so I understood the steam train thing....

Watched Sahara, hadn't seen it  before and I think I'd need to watch it again to completely understand it. Realised at about 4:40 that I was supposed to be home in 20 minutes, quick scramble, raced up the mountain, got home at quarter past. His brakes got a little bit of a work out, hehe!

Last night was good. Spent the majority of it with Katie and Danielle, Danielle is great. Andrew really snagged himself a good one. She's gorgeous and her and I get on like a house on fire! It's a pitty she lives in Browns Plains...

Dad loved his birthday present. I got him a silver identoty bracelet with his name engraved on the front and Justin and I's on the back. He said I was naughty for spending so much on him and SP was naughty for letting me. Tehe! We've been having a lazy day. Dad finally watched Blade Trinity, I've seen in about 12 times. Going to go set up my set top box in a minute.

He spoils us to much!!!

Got a message from SP before, his car died. I feel bad, even though it's not my fault, he was chefuring me around yesterday. Easily fixed though...

Well let's see. Yesterday was great. Dad and I had a short argument but as we always do, got over it very quickly. Well I finally have clear picture in my room, except if I want to watch a movie, there shall be some serious rearanging of chords *curses at tv*

I am not well yet again today. This stupid stomach bug is still circulating around the house. Just spend about half an hour on hold to stupid LGU hotline, on hold, to be transfered to this Indian chick who didn't have a clue what she was talking about and didn't speak proper English *swears*

On top of being sick, phone company screwing me around and slicing my finger open with a super sharp knife yesterday...I have some serious insecurity's and blah blah blah blah.

I'm going to go slap myself and tell my self to stop being such a prat now!

Been talking with Tabs and Shorty, I’m in a much better mood now. I went and did some painting before, it’s really bad, but I love it. Shorty sent me this thing on life path numbers or something. What ever it is, it’s me in a nutshell…

You are a 27/9

Meaning of the numbers in a nutshell:

1. Initiating action, pioneering, leading, independent, attaining, individual.

2. Cooperation, adaptability, consideration of others, partnering, mediating.

3. Expression, verbalization, socialization, the arts, the joy of living.

4. A foundation, order, service, struggle against limits, steady growth.

5. Expansiveness, visionary, adventure, the constructive use of freedom.

6. Responsibility, protection, nurturing, community, balance, sympathy.

7. Analysis, understanding, knowledge, awareness, studious, meditating.

8. Practical endeavors, status oriented, power-seeking, high-material goals.

9. Humanitarian, giving nature, selflessness, obligations, creative expression.

11. High spiritual plane, intuitive, illumination, idealist, a dreamer.

22. The Master Builder, large endeavors, powerful force, a leader.

And your lifepath...

9

The keys to the nature of a Life Path number 9 person are compassion, generosity, and a very humanitarian attitude. This is the lesson that must be learned in this life. Usually this number produces an individual that is very trustworthy and honorable, and one unlikely to harbor any sort of prejudice. Obviously, this is a rather tall order, but you are, in fact, a person that feels very deeply for individuals less fortunate than yourself, and if you are in a position to help, you certainly will. You tend to be quite sensitive, as you see the world with much feeling and compassion. The 9, being the highest of the single digit numbers, holds an elevated position and poses certain responsibilities. The purpose of life for those with a 9 life path is of a philosophical nature. Judges, spiritual leaders, healers and educators frequently have much 9 energy. Material gains are not overly important, although the quality of some life path 9 people is such that they are materially rewarded in very significant ways. Often, the number 9 life path requires a very selfless attitude and the giving up of material possessions for the common good. Even the very average of those with life path 9 possess extremely compassionate tendencies. The desire to help others, especially the troubled or underprivileged, is strong. You are apt to frequently find yourself being used and let down by others, as your generosity is misused and abused.

The number 9's very deep understanding of life is sometimes manifested in the artistic and literary fields. Here you may be able to express your deep emotional feelings through painting, writing, music, or other art forms. Often, however, there if a great deal of difficulty finding a suitable outlet for the 9 Life Path. The 9 is usually well suited to the helping and healing professions; the number is less inclined to the competitive business environment.

You have the ability to make friends very easily, as people are attracted to your magnetic, open personality. You have a special gift of understanding people, which if used correctly can be of great benefit to others. Your interest in people tends to make you quite social. People just naturally like you because you are so sympathetic, tolerant and broad-minded. In many ways, you are a romantic that can get lost in your loves and passions. Relationships can be difficult for you, however, because it is hard to strike a balance that will work effectively. If your partner is one sharing your giving attitudes, the relationship will be happy and lasting. On the other hand, if you choose a partner whose focus is on material issues, problems will arise quickly.

As do all the life path numbers, the 9 has its negative side, and because of the demanding nature of the truly positive 9, many tend to fail in this category. It is not uncommon for persons with the 9 life path to fight the realities and challenges of purpose imposed here because selflessness is not an easy trait. You may have difficulty believing that giving and a lack of personal ambition can be satisfying. It must be realized and accepted that little long-term satisfaction and happiness is to be gained by rejecting the natural humanitarian inclinations of this path.

Do not like this situation I've been put into. Not at all. Someone needs me, wants me there, but I can't be there for them. It has got to be the worst feeling I've ever felt. You know, I  think that everything that happened with Stephen and Mum in Sydney, then those who where my friends up here, it's made me a stronger person. It's made me more caring about those around me, those I love and that love me.

I saw a little girl on Saturday, she was standing in the middle of the parth crying. People were walking around her not paying a bit of attention to her, then her mother came running up the path, weaving between all the people. She rousted on her daughter when she got there. "Never do that again. Never walk off again. You frightened me. Never do that again." That's what I  used to feel like. I used to be the child, standing in the middle of the path crying, except there was no-one trying to find me.

Now I'm the mother...

I'm completely sick of this emotional rollercoaster I'm on. Happy one minute, shitty the next, crying a minute later. It's unfare...I really think I should go to the doctor, maybe it would do me some good to go on that medication for a while, balance out my moods, thought I could handle it but I don't seem to be. And I'm becoming to good at masking.

There is one thing that is making me remarkble happy at the moment though. I want to shout it from the mountain tops, write it in the sky. But I can't, I'm not aloud to. I'm not even aloud to remind myself about it. I'm now supposed to know!

Only 7 days till camp! I can't wait, actually I can, my phone'll die on the first night if shorty has anything to do with it, I don't have my diskman anymore and I have to get up at like 6o'clock!!! But I can't wait to actually get there. 4 days of Theatre Excellence!! Oh crappy, 4 days with Liana and Ayla *groan*

Some take their hope, and hide it away
It burns in the darkness, like gold in a grave
There's a spark inside that can't be concealed
No hurt is so secret that it won't be healed

Before the night is over
Make your heart an open door
Then all we hold inside us
Won't divide us any more
Before the night is over
And the time we have is done
Before our courage fades away
Let our hearts be bound as one

I've lost my way, when nothing is clear
I've been afraid to love, then I hurt what I fear
I can face the night, find strength in your eyes
not afraid to fall, not afraid to rise

Just got back from the doctors...I have a stomach infection and the tablets that are making me throw up are the ones that I have to take to get better. STUPID MEDICINE!!

I'll insult you!!! *#&$^@%$*$($&*$^!!!

OK maybe I'm not feeling better...8 trips to the bathroom in the past 10 minutes...I don't like throwing up, expecially when there's nothing in your stomach

God I love that movie!!! Nicolase Cage, Angelin Jolie, Shelby GT-500, what else could you possible need in a movie? Hehe I'm in trouble for watching it though. Got yelled at by shorty...speek of the devil. God he has good timing.

I got up this morning after having a very restless night's sleep, to find that there was ONE SLICE OF BREAD LEFT AND NO BANANAS!!! Grrrr! I was pissed...I can only just handle keeping those down! My brother is going to be in trouble when he gets home, if i'm still angry then, which I probably won't be.

Dad and I have been looking up cars the last couple of night, finding ones I like. I have been having a good look today...and my dream car...$10500 to $2500, then we have to do it up. I'm gonna end up spending so much money on this damn car. I got laughed at a couple of minutes ago when I told someone what I wanted :( I would love to get an origional EH or EJ Wagon and do it up myself. Which I will one day do, someday. Was good last night, dad and I were sitting here and he was happy to see I like real cars, not the...as he put it...zooped up shit young kids drive today. I didn't have the heart to tell him I do like some of the zooped up shit you get. Hehe

Feeling slightly better today. Have been able to keep down an apple since I threw up my breakfast. Going to go try for something else in a minute...hopefully don't find myself with my head in the toilet a couple of minutes later...

1. Pick a band and answer the follow questions only using the band's song titles:

Sugarcult

2. How's your life?:

Destination Anywhere

3. Describe how you feel about yourself:

Daddy's Little Defect

4. Your best piece of advice:

Head Up

5. Describe your last relationship:

Over Now

6. Describe your current crush:

 Champagne

7. Say something to someone you have a crush on:

 I Melt With You

8. Say something to an ex:

Saying Goodbye

9. Say something to someone you hurt severely:

Say I'm sorry

10. Say something to someone who has helped you:

Worst December

Hello hello hello!

Friday was great. Left school at 3:15, got to Cedar Creek at 4, waited there till 5, whent to Beenleigh, then to South Bank, I ran into Kevin and two of his mates there and then from there to Birkdale. By the time I got to Richard's place, it was 7:30...he better know how special he is hehe. But nah, Friday was great. Bundy is the most beautiful pittbull I've ever seen, one of the most sookiest and gorgeous dogs I've ever known...I wanted to take him home with me.

I ended up staying there all of Saturday and Saturday night. Itw as great to see Marcus and Kim, haven't seen them since Richard's 19th. Kim's a champ! That night was a blast, not something I can talk about here, but it was a blast.

I'm more trouble then I'm worth!

But on a happier and more exciting note...I leave for Theatre Excellence camp in the morning. I can't wait. Really excited about it! Have a lunch box full of lollies hehe.

Next Saturday is Marcus' 37th and their house warming party. Then Sunday night I'm supposed to be going to a party at Monica's. I'd like to know how I'm supposed to manage that with the amount of home work and assignments I've got? I think I'm either going to have to do some severe time management or not go to Monica's. I really want to see her though, and she still has my cross neclace....-sigh-

Hey everyone!

Just a quick update to say that I'm back from Theatre Excellence camp. Won't actually be home till Monday though. Hope everyone's week has been good. Write more later, I'm using Richard's lap top at the moment and don't particuarly want to sit here writing about stuff with the 3 guys looking over my shoulder.

Write later, have a good long weekend!!!!

Hey Guys! I've just had the best long weekend!

Got to Richard's on Friday night, two hours on the train then a quick walk to his house, I walked in the door and he was putting dinner on the table for me. Isn't he wonderful, it was great after spending a week cooking and cleaning for over 20 other people. I only had about 5 bites of it though cause I was over hungry. But the thought was great. I didn't have to cook or clean or anything, just sit back and relax, I hated it though, don't like sitting down and doing nothing while others are working...

Saturday, we woke up and it was pissing down rain outside, cold as Kim's toes. S it was fuckin freezing! The four of us spent the day...umm...enjoying ourselves. I gave Hair Bear (Josh) a neck, back and head massage, I gave him a shave and moistureise, gave him a hair and side burn trim. He loved every minute of it, especially the part where he had my unbrared tits in his face (didn't realise for like 5 minutes). But even though the party was postponed, it was a great day.

Sunday we fart assed around. "Enjoying ourselves" again. I didn't end up going to Monica's like I was supposed to, I whent fishing with Marcus and Kim instead. I'm glad I did, I had more fun then I would of at Mon's and I got to meet Stalk finally...don't ask me what his real name is I don't know.

Oh and is I refere to someone as being Furry, it's Marcus. Kim can also be known as Switch Bitch, but I just call her Kim.

I'll tell you all about camp later...I'm stuffed after this weekend and gotta go to school

EVERYONE DON'T FORGET...MY PERFORMACE IS THIS FRIDAY, IF YOU SAID YOU'D COME AND YOU'RE NOT THERE...I'LL BE MORE THEN CUT!!!

FUCK MEN! I HATE THEM! IT'S UNFAIR THAT THEY CAN DO THIS TO ME! IT SHOULDN'T BE ALOUD!

I hate it! I wish someone else could just make the decision for me! It's sucks ass something serious!

KILL ME NOW!!!

How has everyone been lately? How’s your week and weekend been? Mine has been great! Except Thursday…Thursday could have been better. I started getting really bad cramps in an odd spot in my tummy, no idea what it was. I had a doctor’s appointment that afternoon, either my gallbladder or a severe allergic reaction. Some other stuff went on at the doctors, but not going to talk about it here. Either way it was bad, and if it happens again, off for an ultra sound.

Well Miss Wraith is going to be castrated (can I do that? She is female after all). She was meant to be coming to my performance last night, I tried calling her all of Thursday, all of Friday, it wasn’t until I mentioned something about it too Blade Master when we had arrived at Somerset did I find out she was not coming. Grr! But it’s all right; I still love MY Wraith…  

Well the performance…Our techs weren’t actually doing our performance, the Somerset guys were…all our technical queue were off. The most dramatic and emotional part of our play, there’s music playing, THE MUSIC DIDN’T START UNTIL IT HAD FINISHED!!! *swears at dummy Somerset Tech’s*  

We had a blast though…I’m really surprised I don’t have a black eye, Ayla jawed me! Never mind about that though. Blade Master and Shorty came to see it though, really happy about that, feel a bit bad that they had to sit through that first performance, it was shocking and ran 10 minutes over time. They had some great ideas but didn’t execute them correctly…but they were the year below us so they wouldn’t have been as confident on stage.  

It was so funny afterwards. I was standing outside talking to Blade Master and Short after the Festival had finished. My class came out to pack the trailer. I got called away from them by Dani, though I did not realise to was to gas bag about the extremely gorgeous guy I was standing with *winks*. Everyone’s reaction was funny; everyone thought he was “hot”. Dani told me to go for it, or if I didn’t, she would! How funny is that!!!! HAHAHA!  

It was kinda cute actually, I heard Angus threatening him while talking to Dani, so very cute. Great to know that he still cares for me as much as he did, well kinda anyway. After the two of us left, went to Hungry Jacks where I had a sprite, pinched half his small chips…and HIM, the jumbo guts, downed half a chips, and one and a half bacon deluxe burgers…WHERE DOES HE PUT IT ALL!!! He’s so small and can eat so much!  

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! That’s right; I can really call him Shorty now. Standing in his room without shoes on, he is shorter then me!!! Shorter then ME!!! I couldn’t believe it, he got really embarrassed when I pointed it out hehe.   But it was a great night. Was only supposed to stay there for a little while and then he was going to take me home. I ended up getting home around 11 today. Doop de doop! Nah I was exhausted by the time we got back to his place and fell asleep while talking on his bed…hehe actually I think he went to the bathroom and come back to find me asleep, hehehe! (WRAITH! WE MUST TALK!).  

It was great to see him! *blushes* I actually had missed seeing him *blushes some more* Wow I have already written so much! I should finish now, no-one ever reads my entries anyway so it really doesn’t matter. But I went underwear shopping today, got two really nice sets YAY!

Not much has hapened today. I whent into school and helped Sam with her FTV assignment. I am now a star of stage and show *strikes a pose* hehe! Since I got home I have cleaned the toilet and bathroom. Oh my god it was discusting!!! But if I am going to be going back to using my shared bathroom with Justin, I refuse to use it how it was. I was scared to go to the toilet incase I caught something. But it's now nice and squicky clean *big grin*. I also cleaned the cupboard under the sink out. God there was alot of shit under there!

I ran into Mitchell up at the school, really wish I hadn't, he put me in a really aggresive mood, oh well, I don't have to see him anymore now he's up at the college, witch I'm happy about, he did kinda hurt me, so I don't need to be reminded of that.

I'm missing Dani, Jon and Jared. I saw Dean on Friday so not missing him, but very much missing the others!!! I've seen Kevin more then I've seen Jared in the past couple of months, and that's not right! I hope he's happy, I haven't spoken to him in ages.

I have so much homework and so many assignment to do this week that I think I'll be burried by them, literally. Had English exam on Friday...poetry. I didn't get to finish it though, i had to put the rest in dot points and my conclusion was only one sentence long, it's bad luck really cause, I'm not trying to gloat or anything, but the stuff that I had written was really good. I wish I had gotten to finish it, it's going to be my down mark for the year, it's the subject I'm doing best in. But it's alright, I'm going to try my hardest with the assignments I've got and try and bring my marks up in a couple of other subjects. My dad said that I'm going about it very well, being rather mature about it. Justin doesn't understand how I can committ myself to school work so much, but then again, I don't remember seeing him ever doing homework in the last couple of years of his schooling life

But must get back to the homework now...

BTW, after this weekend, even more confused.

*JUMPS UP AND DOWN HAPPILY* WOOP WOOP! YEAH! WOOOHOOO!

I just found out how we whent on Friday night! We got the adjudicators award, Cassie got best dramatic performance, and we..............got runners up, beaten by.............TSS (completely ignoring the fact it's the school Shorty went to)

HOW GREAT IS THAT! WE DID GREAT! I AM SOO HAPPY!!!!

The dates of our performances have changed. No longer the 29th and 1st, they're now the 1st and the 2nd. I'm hoping that because one is on the Friday that some people that couldn't come now can. Really want to see some of them.

I was going to say something, something important, that's bugging me, it's still bugging me, I can feel it bugging me, I just can't remember what it is. HOW DOES THAT WORK!?!?!

Well aren't I good. After I was awoken this morning by my morning wake up call, stupid me fell back asleep. I woke up at 10 going SHIT!!! I'm terrible. And I needed to be at school today! I am so angry at myself! The only good thing was that I got to sleep in and not suffer all the questions about the eye.

Well I'm bored out of my brain, so bored I'm going to turn to homework and assignments, how sad is that. But I do need to do some. *sigh*

God I hate those little shit heads. Caused all that shit for Shannon and Jason and Shannon's the one that could be sent to jail. Fucking Minor stuff. It's so fricking unfair. AAAAAARGH!

Shannon and Jason just rocked up, they left about 2 minutes ago. I've gotta write the statement for Shannon tonight for his court case, he's going to come round tomorrow to see me and get it. It's so fucking unfair. After all the shit those boys gave their family and he could be the one to go to jail for up to 7 years. It's just not right.

*swears off randomly*

23rd August 2005

To Whom It May Concern,

This letter is written in support of Shannon Gonzales.

To my knowledge for at least the past two years, Shannon Gonzales has been teased and intimidated by a group of his peers in and outside of school.

The group of individuals included; Daniel Macaulay, his brother Auley Macaulay, Luke Smith, Charles Smith, Daniel Hans, Bryn Burton, Brent Paxton, James Coles, Brad Sharman and Charles Jared.

To the best of my knowledge, the teasing and intimidation was mainly verbal in nature but was having a detrimental effect on Shannon, causing him to be continuously upset and somewhat depressed.

Shannon’s mother had suffered breast cancer some years ago and was in remission until a re-occurrence at the beginning of this year.

When the group of boys causing problems for Shannon learned of this fact, they brought her situation into their comments used against him.

Knowing Shannon as well and as closely as I do, I believe he would have continued to control his anger until his seriously ill mother was included in the situation. I believe his actions were more in protection of her and his family than of himself.

Shannon came round yesterday afternoon. He was so thankful for the letter. All I wanted to do was hug him and tell him everything's ok. But I can't, I don't know if it will be.

Jason told Carmen that I used to like Shannon so he now is to see me as little as possible. So there's one of the reason's I don't like her seeing him, she's controlling and she's ashamed of being with him. It's not the jealousy in me, honestly it's not. I just htink he deserves to be with someone who is not ashamed for their friends to know they're dating, not ashamed to be seen with them.

I woke up this morning having those wierd stomach cramps. They have pretty much gone but I have an annoying pain in the right side of my chest. I want to be well again! What happened to the healthy Amy!

Luke's leaving in less then 3 weeks *cries*

I've gone and done it again. Got myself completely trampled on. I'm good at doind that. Maybe I deserve to be unhappy. Maybe I never put myself first so that I am. Myabe I choose to be unhappy. I dunno. I just know I'm good at it, it suits me...

God I've been an emotional wreck today, started the day out sad, it slowly improved, hit a downward spiral, but am really happy now. Even more so now i have something yummy in my belly :) *pushes cheeks out* I am soo full, my brother is a good cook :)

Shorty had a really bad today, he's been feeling down alot lately, I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything all better for him. I want to pound two people for what they did to him, what they continue to do to him *smashes fist*

I'm certainly an agro little one aren't I hehe

Gus and Gibsy (rhymes with Ribsy) are finally dating!!! I'm so happy for the both of them, a bit sad for Briar and I know there's going to be some serious councilling in store for me, but really happy for them. Was talking to Gibsy today in SOSE, she told me some interesting facts about Pierce...

He has one nut :|

OOOOOH I forgot to say before.......I'm seeing The Used live in concert!!! I'm so stoked, my mate Tamara (the bisexual friend) invited me today. I can't wait!!!!!

Well hello hello hello!

Comming to you live from Amy's Dinning room, tonight we are joined by Amy and Angie!!!

Now we must go be evil

MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Well……

Kristine had her party last night. The party in all was good, there was a lot of bitching and a lot of jealousy, but overall it was good. I had a bit of a shit time, but I enjoyed my time with Jade and Lisa. I even played some basket ball with Matt, John and James…which was great, I can shoot better then all three of them, and they tower over me (I’m such a short ass, 5’6” and a half)

I have been played by two people in under a week. Isn’t it great, I certainly know how to pick them. They either use me or betray me, I’m loving it, I feel on top of the world. Shorty and I had an argument this arvo, I called him patronizing, he called me arrogant, I told him not to treat me like a child, he thinks I’m proud of my childhood. I hate that I can’t stay mad at people sometimes, I cave in just about every time…I apologized. I SUCK! He should be the one apologizing, not me. I guess that’s just me.

I let people use me, abuse me and I always give in to others. I should learn to stand up for myself and what I want once in a while.

I figured out why no male in our grade ever seems to show an interest in me (except Mitchell Bass *shivers*). They’re intimidated by me. Me! I’m either too smart, too mature, too outgoing, too something! I just can’t win. Why can’t someone just love me for me and not be ashamed to be around me.

A little highlight of last night, there is someone in our grade that likes me. Matt Laurich! I couldn’t believe it. James called me down to play basketball with them ‘cause I was sitting by myself. It was great fun! Somehow it got brought up that John had been my first kiss in grade 3. It turns out I was Matt’s, I couldn’t believe it.

We ended up snuggling in together by the fire ‘cause it was freezing and I was warm. I got a really shit message, I burst out into tears and he comforted me. It was really nice. He asked me to the movies or something some time. It’s really sweet, he’s such a nice guy, not my type and I have enough problems at the moment, but a really nice guy. He made me feel very good about myself while I had tears streaming down my face and makeup everywhere.

I told Luke about the shit stuff, he got really angry. He started yelling, he couldn’t believe someone could treat me like that. He was flabbergasted. Made me feel good to know that I’m not just her to everyone anymore, that there are some people that really do care about me. Makes me very happy!

Today hasn't been the best day, I've had a headache all day and pain killers did nothing. I slept through my last class and on the bus home so it feels a little better. Mitchell came and sat behind me so I could lie down with my head on his lap, we were on the back seat, kinda creeped me out when I woke up to fine him stroking my hair and watching me :| Also kinda sweet though.

Feeling rather good about myself at the moment though. I have mastered an impossible song that my dad loves, I sung it to him the other night and he cried :$ Made me feel good that no matter how bad I think I sound that my dad still loves my voice.

On Saturday at Kristine's, Josh knows I used to sing, him and I were having a sing along (hehe) to an Evanescence song. I could kill Kristine!!! She muted the song while him and I were singing, rather loudly aswell, I was so embarrassed, even more so when I was told not to stop, I couldn't believe them! I sound so bad these days :S I dunno, crazy people!

Going to subject selection night tonight. Mrs. Brose shocked me today. I whent to talk to her about doing Modern History by distance ed because it's on the same line as Drama, she said that there is a 60% fail rate and it costs $200. I still wanted to do it, she said that they probably wouldn't accept me because of my attendance. I'm fine with that, disapointed that I can't do it, but I walked out still in reletively high spirets. As I walked back past her office after getting pain killers, she called out to me to come back in her office, she said to me that I am a very smart and bright girl and if I really applied myself she's sure I could get it and not to give up on what I want. First I thought she was a freak, but what she said was really nice, really boosted my confidence. So she does have her good points, sometimes.

I just picked my classes for the next two years *takes a deep breath*. It's finally setting in how serious school is getting. I chose; Film and Television, Drama, English, Maths A, Theatre Excellence and Legal Studies. It's a huge work load and I already know that it's going to have a lot to do with time management and commitment. But I reckon I can do it, and so do my teachers. Mr. Wright told me that I would get into Drama and THX if I decided to do them, so that really helped make the decision. And as for Modern History and Drama being on the same line? Drama has everything to do with my career..and yes, I've finally decided what I want to do when I finish school.

I'm going to go to Grifith Uni and do either Secondary Teaching majoring in Drama, or Law. It all depends on my OP. Great huh?!

I went to your house
Walked up the stairs
Opened the door without ringing the bell
Walked down the hall
Into your room where I could smell you
And I shouldn't be here
Without permission
Shouldn't be here...
Would you forgive me love if I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love if I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love if I stay all afternoon?
I took off my clothes
put on your robe
went through your drawers
and I found your cologne
went down to the den
found your cd's
and I played your Joni
and I shouldn't stay long
you might be home soon
shouldn't stay long
Would you forgive me love if I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love if I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love if I stay all afternoon?
I burned your incense
I ran a bath
I noticed a letter that sat on your desk
It said:
"Hello, love.
I love you so, love.
Meet me at midnight."
And no, it wasn't my writing
I'd better go soon
It wasn't my writing
So forgive me love If I cry in your shower
So forgive me love for the salt in your bed
So forgive me love If I cry all afternoon

The performance on Friday whent great. Everyone had so much fun. We did our traditional "Eye Of The Tiger" warm up before hand...After we our performance was finished, we had our thankyou's and very short speeches, everyone on stage, it was so loud and so much fun. We watched the photo slide show Dani had put together, some of the photo's on there of me are really embarrassing, then we all danced to Eye Of The Tiger, packed up and everyone whent home.

Monica and Ben came too see it, aswell as my dad...there is something kinda scary going on between my dad and Molly's mum Jackie (freaky)...I whent back to Ben's (and Monica's afterwards, though Mon whent to a party), we watched some scrubs, had some pasta, then fell asleep on Ben's bed, I'm sure Jamie Lee would have kicked my ass if she'd walked in at that point.

There was lots of confusion on Saturday morning with Monica going to work, then not going to work, then taking me to Yatala Pies, then not takeing me, then going to work, then not going, then going...so Mama Tabs ended up driving me, she didn't mind, gave her a break from the yard work.

There I met Shorty. He was so hung over! The silly boy, so very seedy, I confiscated his juice and made him drink my water. He was thankfull but wouldn't admitt it, we stoped in at the Chemist then straight home. Relaxed, naped, wresteled, naped, did some stuff, listened to some music, then it came round to 8 o'clock and decided to cook dinner. He cooked me a propper dinner, with desert and everything *blushes profusely*. We made spag bowl and chocolate pudding. First I felt like a nusance because he wouldn't let me help cook, then I felt bad because I had about 5 mouthfulls and I was full. And there was so much food! Although I still had room for chocolate pudding and ice-cream, YUMMY!

We got to sleep about 1am, maybe a bit later, didn't sleep very well, either of us. Woke up sometime in the very early morning, were awake for a while, then whent back to sleep till 9 about 20 to 6. So all in all, didn't get much sleep, but had a great night :D

He made me breakfast this morning as well, it was really nice, rasin toast and a cup of tea. Not to mention I got too see LOTS of photo's while I was there :)

I managed to get Matt of my case today...I fibbed a little bit to do it. I know he was planning on asking me out today, otherwise he wouldn't of called me yet again. I let it slip that I had spent the weekend at my boyfriend's...not entirely true, but close enough. And atleast I know he won't be bothering me about that again. I'm all up for being his mate, but he really doesn't interest me in that way...

Well I'm really happy, sore and tired, really happy though. There were some revalations that I must talk with Dani about, but are not suitable for here. Let's just say things are looking up, very much up :D

♪I'm so happy yeah, I'm I'm so happy yeah♪ Why am I singing an Aqua song?

Well I do believe I have rightfully claimed the title of Miss Sleepy Head. I didn't get out of bed until quarter to one this afternoon, wich was like what, 10 minutes ago or something? Hehe, and I'm still tired!!

After eating almost nothing Saturday, almost nothing Sunday and not having eaten for somehting like 17 hours, I'm still not hungry. Stupid sickness, and after all the exercise I've had in the last 4 (could be 5) days, I have no energy, but not hungry. Hmmm, stupid sickness, I want to be hungry, I don't even have a craving for something...Where has my craving for poptarts gone? :(

I don't quite understand it, I'm in a great mood, and I don't really have a reason why, well I do, but I don't know wether I can use it as my excuse.

I had a great weekend, I'm completely smitten with someone, my friends are happy, my friends are making me happy, I've only got 3 assignments left, one which will be finished by tonight. I'm just really happy with my life at the moment. Oh and I will be doing something with Rachel on the weekend. She is the person in my header with the feathers.

She sent me a message before saying she was really pissed off. We talked for a bit and then I just got one saying I'm her girl and I'm great, I really calmed her down and no-one ever manages that. So I feel extra great.

I have a great guy that I like and likes me, he's been thinking about me all day *blushes* and we just spent a great weekend together. I don't want to get ahead of myself, don't want to build myself up to much about it all incase i just get hurt, but...I just...well...*sigh*

My friends are happy, well most of them, there is one that is not so happy, I really wish there was something I could do to make them happy. Make them see how wonderful life can really be...but I just don't know how. Maybe I will think of something, I hope I do, they deserve to be happy just as much as the next person.

I have that rabbiting disease again. What's up with that?

I was right, I knew I was right, I knew I would make him sick. I told him that it wasn't worth it, but he didn't listen, and guess what, he had to take the day off work cause he's sick. Aching bones, really bad headache, confusion (giggles to self) and a bad temperature. I'm more trouble then I'm worth, I keep telling people but no-one ever listens to me...

But I'm still aloud to be happy... :D:D:D:D:D

Another lazy day at home being sick. I got up about 10, my phone kept going off so there was no chance of me getting anymore sleep.

I spoke to Shorty this morning. He sounds so sick, I feel so bad, and he has his graduation tonight. OMG I feel bad!!

Well I whent to the doctors this afternoon. I'm so lucky...I have a double disease *grumbles* I have the flu (and I mean influenza, not just a cold) and bronchitis. The doctor said he wouldn't of wanted to know what my lungs have sounded like the past couple of days, in otherwords, they sound bad enough. I have more tablets to take...and guess what else, Shorty has it too (the bad feeling gets worse).

Dad and I had a bit of a tiff last night, at about 3:20am. I was still awake, coughing my lungs up, not tired because I was in so much pain, so I gave Fate a call. He doesn't sleep so he was happy to talk to me. I must of laughed to loud and he came in an yelled at me. He said I would be going to school today, I didn't cause i'm not well enough, called him after my appointment and my doctor had put him in his place. Hehe. Doc said I'm not sleeping because of the coughing and the state my lungs are in, I can't regulate my breathing so I don't go to sleep. And that I'm just to lie in bed, watch tv or read a book.

Not at school tomorrow again, he said that if I really MUST, I can go in on Friday, but to take it off, but I have 2 assessment due on Friday *freaks out*

Oh, I also got proposed to today. Yes I'm serious! Someone wants me to marry them, spend the rest of my life with them, have babbies with them, share everything of our lives together (I'm wierding myself out). Crazy crazy boy!!!

Not feeling to crash hot this morning, got lots of sleep though and took my tablets.

Everyone must introduce themselves to Death Cab For Cutie if they don't already know them. They Rock!!!

Dad is home today and tomorrow. He's starting the painting...man, it's all happening!

Rang the phone company, have started to sort things out. I HATE 3 MOBILE!!! DON'T GO WITH THEM!!!

I whent and handed my resume up into Karnak this arvo, she asked a bunch of questions, after I finished rubbing my toe after hitting it on a chair, and said she'll give me a call with a couple of shifts.  AMY'S GOING TO GET PAID!!! *dances around happily* And I like Karnak, it's an Egyptian cafe/resturant just off Gallery Walk.

I am not feeling the best today, but rather happy. I have the darkest circles under my eyes I've ever had, yet I still can't sleep. It's good fun!!!

I miss shorty!!!

I'm relaising how much I truly am falling for someone. Everything about them makes me happy, makes me fall for them even more. The little things they do, the unoticable things they say...just everything. If I could paint a picture of how I feel, it would be the most beautiful painting that's ever lived. The colours would mix and shapes would form that neither you nore I can explain. Some intelligent English Prophesor is one day going to invent a new word to describe this feeling.

Happyness, but with a smidge of fear. Fear of the unknown and of how quickly it can all be taken away...

I hate my father! I truly hate him at the moment. The way he speaks to me, it's as if I'm a piece of shit on his shoe! I hate it!! Treat me like a person *swears*

I'm also really upset and angry at Cindy. She has kidnapped Fate for the entire weekend, she knew he was comming to see me tomorrow, she was there when we were talking about it. I've never met her and I already don't like her.

I want to cry!

On a happier note. Lil Mut is hilarious, so is Wraith for that matter, oh and don't forget Logrus, they're all as bad as each other *shakes her head*

I've been sitting here thinking about what i'm going to say, I can't make up my mind. There are a couple of things I want to write about, dedicate the entire post to, so i'm going to do them all...

- post one-

I spoke to Shorty last night. He doesn't feel the same way as I do, and the funny things, I'm not as sad or as upset as I thought I would be. People are right, I give up my own happiness so that others may be happy, give up what I want for others. What happened to the fight in me? People say I'm understanding, but what happened to the part of me that fought until it got what it wanted, or lost everything? I've completely fallen for him, he doesn't know that, but I do. It happens to everyone, you fall for someone that doesn't feel the same way. He wants things to stay as they are...I don't know about that. I know he likes me because of the way he acts, the change I've seen in him and the things he's said to me. He wants things to stay as they are with the prospect of them changing next year. I don't know if I can do that to my feelings...

-post two-

I am so pissed off at my friends. I rang Tyler today to wish him a happy birthday for last weekend and appologise for not being at his party. We arranged for him to come round today and do some stuff, maybe go to Jason's after. He never came round, never called, never messaged me back. Got a call from Justin a minute ago to say he's at a "gathering" at Jason and Shannon's and won't be home tonight. I'm so pissed off. What's wrong with me? Why do I always get kept out of everything? I'm so annoyed, and my dad didn't need to make me feel worse by saying don't call, Justin's round there and he won't want you there. GRRR!!! I want to hit someone and I want to cry. I feel like an outcast.

-post three-

Had a really great day. Woke up, had some really sweet messages on my phone. Talked with Tyler on the phone for about an hour. And attempted what I thought the impossible, cleaning my bike...more like resurecting it! It came up really well, dad and I are going to fix the tires tomorrow and I'm gonna start riding again, can't wait, really miss my sports. We borrowed some movies and I spent the rest of the day vegging out. Dad's been painting for the past 2 days, finally started...:(  I miss Fate so much, still angry at Cindy. He rang me around lunch time, he was having a break, he's been doing some extra work with Cindy today, she sounds pretty nice, still angry for what she's done/doing though. I'll get to see him next weekend though, really happy about that :) I'm going round to Matt's tomorrow. Yeah scary I know...I'm curious as to what's going to happen, but I'm truly trying to reconsile an old friendship...

-post four-

The artist in me is starting to emerge again. I made something for Fate yesterday. It's very gorgeous, if I hadn't made it for him, I'd be keeping it for myself hehe...there shall be photo's in my photo bucket if you'd like to look. It's a black background, purple (we'll just call it middleground), and a red and black foreground. The red is on black squares that are joining a love-heart. The heart is not very noticable I know, but it is when you look at it.

Well G'day everyone! How has everyone's weekend been? Mine? fabulentay!

Ran into Molly and Jack up at the Chinese resturant on Saturday night so I ended up staying and having dinner with them, whent back and stayed at Molly's. Sunday Morning Molly was playing in the soccer grand finals and Carrarra Stadium so I whent down with them to that...it was Molly's Birthday on Sunday. Molly, Jackie, Grandma, Ray, Cav, Debbie, Aaron, Haden, Nolland and I whent out to a resturant to celebrate Molly's birthday. We whent to Fratelli's in Southport. It's on the water and it's great, good food and great service.

Stayed at Molly's on Sunday aswell. Then yesterday Justin gave me a call, he had the day off work so him and I whent Mag shopping. *drools* Thankyou to the marvelous Fate suggesting we go to The Tyre Factory in Southport, he got mags and tyres for $1100, because they were so cheap he also got it lowered. I was there when the mags were put on, but I haven't seen it since it was lowered, but Justin says it looks nice!

Reason I didn't get to see it is cause Justin dropped me back at Molly's, around 4 Nolland was getting home from work and he was going to take me for a ride. I ended up staying for dinner and that whole thing. It was a good night. Some very strange and awkward moments cause I mean him and I have become really good mates in the 12 years I've known him, but we had never really done anything just the two of us. Anyway, it was a good night.

I'd been playing with his guitar while he was cooking dinner cause he wouldn't let me help. I'd started to tune it, while I was washing the dishes he finished tuning it and I made him play something for me. *sigh* I love guitar, and i love it when it's quiet, no other sound in the house and someone just sits there playing it, get's lost in it *sigh*

But anyway. I'm going rock climbing with Molly and Kylie on Wednesday then out with Dani and Jon on Friday, then Fate's on friday and Saturday night. Good holidays. I'm going to go do some serious sun bathing today...

G'day fellow crazy people!

My holidays have been great so far. Saturday night at Molly's, Sunday night at Molly's, Monday night at Nolland's, Tuesday night at Molly's and last night at home. Tomorrow night at Sean's and hopefully Saturday night aswell. Then next weekend I have dinner party at Logrus', hopefully anyway, looking forward to that, looking for ward to seeing him and Wraith (more then I'm willing to admitt to).

It's been great! This weekend is going to be good, going to be a great day out with Angie tomorrow, we're going into the city...i've gotta get up at about 5am *faints*

I'm at Fate's. It's been such a good lazy weekend. Yesterday was a great day, up in the city with Angie. We spent about $90 in all I think. It was a good day though.

There were big storms last night, I seriously think that we might of experienced a mild hurricane. It was great! Couldn't get enough of it.

We whent down to Harbour Town this morning, it's so wierd having someone who wants to spend money on me...it's very strange...  Going for a cruise with someone he knows about 7/7:30. We did some work on Z today, she is so beautiful...I wish two things; that he had his licence back, and that I could take her home with me, she's so beautiful, so beautiful.

I'm completely smitten...completely, utterly, and absolutely......

BTW Logrus; really sorry about last night, I feel really bad, I was super rude, I was sitting next to Fate and didn't want anything mentioned that would bring up questions and awkwardness. I am definetly going to be there Saturday. No doubts there. Did you get a hold of Shorty? If so, what did he say? *prays he can come coming*

I am so happy, I can't wipe the grin off my face. I am so tired though, I'm having very strange dreams lately and my sleep is rather restless. I actually feel kinda bad. Saturday night, I had a very strange dream about molly and I was talking in my sleep to Fate. He said I sounded a little freaked out and what I was saying was very strange. But then again I am strange and I wouldn't want to know how much worse the inner workings of my mind are...

*dances around happily* Life is good at the moment. Besides the whole I'm at home alone while I want to be with certain people.

Going rock climbing on Wednesday or Thursday, probably go to the movies or soemthing with Nolland and Molly before hand...not sure yet...we'll see what happens...

Eros is in my life. He has possessed every aspect of it, especially my mind. It is if I have been blinded with this new found love in my life. It's as if there is a cloud of fluffy sweet fog that is clouding my sight, everything I look at is beautiful.

I have had this person in my life for many months now, and it wasn't until now that I have seen them as they truly are. The marvelous person they are, there are so many things about them that I love, that are great and wonderful and and and *sigh*

I haven't felt like this since, since I was with Booga. And that's saying something...

I'm sick of my illnesses and what they do to my friendships and relationships with my friends and family. Maybe not directly, but they're destroying them none the same. *SCEAMS AND PULLS HAIR OUT*

Work was good tomorrow...I can remember what my boss' name is, but she said I did a good job. I also got a tip from a really nice bloke that came in with his wife, this is even after I sloshed their soup out of the bowls. I should be going back on Sunday...yay!!

I stayed the night at Fate's last night. It seems we have sortd everything out, I'm really happy that we have too. An English Professor needs to invent a new word for home I'm feeling, more then like but not quite love...anyone else ever felt like that? I'm calling in lus...it's not like, it's not love and it's not lust...it's somewhere in between.

Catching the train up into Central this arvo, meeting Shorty there then we're off to Logrus' for dinner. It's going to be wierd, we were origionally going as a kind of couple, now we're just friends with 2 other couples. It's going to be interesting...and kinda awkward aswell I'm guessing.

Fate is in the shower atm, I'm lying on his bed watching City Of Angels...I love this movie! And he put it on for me!!!

*Tummy grumbles* Grrr I have such an upset sore tummy! I'm home from school today because of it.

I had a great weekend. Worked Friday, Friday night at Fate's, Saturday with Fate, Saturday night with Edward, Sunday working. It was busy, I got hardly any sleep, but I had a good time.

I worked last night as well. I cleaned for 4 and a half hours straight...good fun...not. They had pest control come in yesterday so we had to clean everything! Not sure if I'm working again this week, I'm sure they'll call me the night before and ask me to come in. I'm working all of Sunday though.

I just hope they don't want me to work Saturday, because I want to see my Fate *mushyness*

Love is everywhere! Makes me feel so happy to know that there are lots of people in the world that are experiencing what I am! Life is good at the moment. Even with being sick and really tired, there is still this magnificant thing in the world...love...and everywhere I turn people are experiencing it and experiencing the act of it!

I just did something for the first time! Bought two concert tickets!!! I've been to conerts before, but I've never bought the tickets before, and not on my own...I feel liberated (I think that's the right word).

Two tickets to Missy Higgins on the 29th October. Brisbane River Stage, gates open at 5:00pm.

I know I update alot, but I don't care, I don't have much else to do atm and as everyone knows, I like to talk and I love to write. As you already know I spent the weekend at Fate's.

Saturday night we were lying on his bed watching Black Knight. I knew something was wrong, he just didn't feel right when he was hugging me. I turned over and looked him in the eyes, he just didn't seem right. I asked him what was up, he wanted to wait till the movie was finished, he said he wanted to 'talk'. But I didn't care about the movie, I was much more worried about him.

We talked. The best way I can describe it is to say that we fought, though we weren't really. I don't really know how to describe it. All I know is that with every word that came out his mouth it hurt me more and more. I got up off his bed, put on my shoes and got to his door. I told him I was going for a walk, I didn't want to look at him or be near him. He grabbed me to stop me, I told him to never grab me like that so he let go. After being questioned in the living room by his parents I finally got out the door. I had tears running down my face and I felt as if I was going to be sick.

When I get angry or upset or whatever, I walk, it's the best way for me too vent. I got about 10m from his house and heard his front gate open, whoever it was must have gone the other way because no-one came after me. I was nearly at the end of his street and I could hear someone running down the road. There was Fate, no shoes, no shirt, just the pants he had been lazying around in running down the road after me. At that point I had just reached a park on his street. We stood there on the street arguing for a while, me yelling at him and crying. We sat down on one of those log things that they always put around parks...

We must of sat there for close to an hour, hardly talking. I was just sitting there, holding myself and crying. I didn't understand. We started talking, started to sort things out. I stood up, grabbed his hand and hugged him. Even though I was so angry, so upset, so hurt and confused, I still wanted him to just hold me, to be close to me. We started to make our way back towards his house, stopped a couple of times because I got a bit heated again or started to cry, we would talk and he would hug me.

We were half way back and a car pulled over beside us, I first thought it was his dad because his dad had actually followed me out the house onto the verander trying to find out what was wrong. It was a woman who was lost. Fate ran back, got the directory and we sorted out where she needed to go.

What he had said to me really hurt, and we realised there is stuff we both need to work on individually for our relationship to work. It's just stuff about the people we are. Things that people would say that are faults about him, I just can't bring myself to see them as that, they are a part of him and I am falling for the person that he is, those parts included.

Everything was alright after that, we got home, had an argument about me smoking and got into bed. His parents didn't ask anything, not that night and not the next morning. He told me later that after I had walked out his mum came into his room, asked him what he had done to make me so upset and told him to go after me. And he did, he wouldn't leave me alone, even when I screamed at him to get away from me. And I'm glad he didn't, I'm so happy we were able to sort that out. There are so many differences between the two of us, what we have in common is a minority.

But we mean so much to each other, and that's what helped us to work it out, get through that. I miss him so much. Even with that stressful and dramatic night it was still a great weekend. We did shopping on Saturday and I'm getting on so great with his parents, especially his mum. And that is a very important thing to me.

Oh, another thing...he lost his job on Friday, that kind of spoilt the joy of winning the case on Thursday. There is just no work at the company he works for. He's been reduced to one day a week wich is just enough to continue paying off his loan. We're going to hopefully go to the beach next weekend, he's a water baby like me, and we might even do some fishing. I'll update later about the rest of my week because this post is already miles long, sorry about that and I'm not expecting anyone to actually read all of it. I know everyone has busy lives and no-one needs to hear about my relationship problems.

Thirsty Merc tonight!

I have curly hair today!

I'm spending the long weekend at Fates!

I'm happy!

*Moves around slowly* *bursts into dancing fit* *passes out on couch*

Last night was fantastic! The band rocked! I didn't want it to end and I want to still be there. The music was great! It was stinking hot, everyone was sweating and cred in the face, I loved it. I was up at the stage the whole night. It was kinda strange actually, got a new experience...Sean Carry (guitar) was flirting with me, not only on stage but after they finished at the signing.

For those that don't know who Thirsty Merc are, they are an Australian band, from Sydney. Sean Carry on guitar and backing vocals, Karl Robertson on drums, Phil Stack on bass guitar and backing vocals, and Rai Thistlethwayte on lead vocals, guitar and piano.

Acceptance, forgiveness, generosity, understanding. All things that are considered good points about people...if they are...why is it that those aspects of me always seem to cause the most problems (and pain)? Well you get that huh? And you thought I'd be used to it by now, I've been dealing with it for 6 years or something now.

Was really hoping blademaster777 , wraithwarden , logrus or tabsy would be online...but they're not...damn it!!!

Someone please explain to me how I can still be happy after the weekend I have had and the state I'm in??? A very important friendship to me is almost dead, fighting with Fate all weekend and we nearly broke up, my friend Tamara could die, I have the flu, my brother has run away for the week (so to speak) and I think I'm allergic to one of Fate's dogs. Oh and I also had to have another day off school *grumbles, swears and shakes fist* I haven't had this much time off since before i got my tounsils out!

On the plus side...I made two new friends on Sunday; Flame and his girlfriend Dani (Flame is apart of the Z's). Saw Serenity, that was great, although I will need to watch it again to see what I missed *winks*. My mum is comming up soon, I can't wait to see her, I've missed her soo much.

Not going to be seeing Fate for 3 weeks *sobs*, but I do get to see Dick and Shorty, so that should be good.

I am so angry atm. So angry and hurt and jealous and pissed off and AARGH! I want to hurt Shorty! I want to cause him physical and emotional pain! I want him to realise and feal the pain he's caused and continues to cause me. Right at the moment I am feeling something that I haven't felt for years...HATE. Right at this moment I hate him!

I don't know neither do I care if what he just did was an accident, he still did it to me. I may be able to control thinking about him, but I can't help what my subconcious does, and that shits me.

I wish I had never met him. I wish I had never fallen for him and I wish I had never let him trample all over my heart. Everyone deserves to be happy, but right this minute, I want him to be so miserable!!!

*sigh* Not so angry anymore. Actually all anger has gone. But I am still jealous. Now I am missing him so much, missing what we had, especially in those last couple of days of bliss. I don't understand why he has run away from me. I'm always the one doing the running. Am I really so scary? So intimidating?

All I can think about is him being with....on Sunday...and what they're...AARGH!!! I can't even talk about it. Going to go be sick and then call Fate. I need my Fate...very much right now.

STOP ACTING LIKE A CHILD AMY!!!

In the past couple of days I have lost two people who I care about a great deal. One from fear, and one because of me. I got off the phone to Sean about 40 minutes ago. We have been fighting alot lately, we nearly broke up it was so bad. Well we had another big fight on the phone. I asked him if he wanted to be with me or just be my friend, he said my friend because things just weren't working. I asked him if he wanted space or to end our relationship completely, he said space.

When we were saying goodbye...he told me he loves me. I don't understand how if you love someone you can want space from them. I'm giving him as much space as he want. I will wait for him to get his head together. But I can't wait forever, I will need to know wether he's comming back to me or not, so I know wether I am moving on or not. I just wish my life could be simple. Just for a day.

I called my mum and talked with her, I was balling my eyes out. I miss her so much, I can't wait for her to come up next. She said it sounds like he doesn't even know what he wants and I've lost control of the situation. I totaly agree with her. I have never been in this situation before, I have never lost control.

I had made myself unreachable. I just turned my phone back on, I got a message from Sean...I'm not the only one hurting.

Spoke to Sean this afternoon. We are not getting back together (ever)...my choice not his. I shouldn't have someone in my life that treats me the way he is. I should get the respect that I deserve and not expect anything less.

My mum made her first lesbian joke today! It's a momentious occasion!!! I couldn't believe it! *sigh* She should be comming up the end of next month. I so can't wait to see her.

I have next Sunday off, staying at Dani and Flame's again next weekend. I'm working Wednesday and Thursday instead. I so have to update about the weekend later. It was fucking awsome!!!

But I had a shit day today. Everything was just shit. SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! I want to go to bed, go to sleep and wake up tomorrow to a new day. But tomorrow is going to be just as shit as today, I can already tell.

*sigh* What's to say about my life atm, there's so much but I don't know where to start and I fear I wouldn't stop. So I'll give it in short.

Fate and I are still having "space". Shorty and I made up, we are on the road to reconsiliation. Whent to Indy on Saturday. Lots of school work. Getting a traineeship at Karnak. Been very emotional lately and there are many reason's for that. My mum is coming up soon and Tab's get's home not this weekend but next.

4 and a half weeks left of junior school!!!!

I have kept alot of things bottled up lately and it's starting to have bad affects on me. I'm starting to fall back into myself and I don't want to, I've been down that road before and I know where it leads. I just wish Bree was still here with the rope to pull me out.

I just had a huge argument with Sean. Everything is over, our relationship and our friendship. He doesn't deserve me and I do not deserve to be treated like that. I finally understand how it is all those women stay in abusive relationships.

I can't wait to finish work tomorrow night. I'm staying at Edward's. I can't wait to see him. He is not in the best of ways and atm neither am I, but we have so much stuff to sort out and I'm just loving spending time with me. Everything else in the world seems to melt away. No matter what is wrong in my life, while I'm with him he just seems to make it all perfect.

School is getting hectic. I am putting everything I have into the assignments I have, my heart...let's see what my teachers really think about it. Today was a day I think everyone could have done without. Two couples broke up, someone lost all of their friends (bare me), someone got accused of using drugs at school and another got sent to hospital in an ambulance...and these are all my friends. But I picked my last subject for next year. FTV, Drama, English, Maths A, Tech Studies and Legal Studies. They are all OP subjects. I am also getting a traineeship at my work, so it will be good and hectic next year.

There is so much going on in my life at the moment I am finding it hard to sort what from what. Everything seems mushed together. I have great days followed by shitty endings, but then there are those days I want to jump from a bridge and someone special lights it up. I died my hair black btw everyone. I love it and I have been told by many that it looks very sexy and brings out the colur of my eyes and lips. But the most important person is still to see it...so we shall see what he thinks of it.

I'm going up into Brisbane with my dad on Saturday. We're going out to lunch then to the Missy Higgins Concert. I can't wait to spend a whole day with my dad, haven't done that in ages...just the two of us.

Dave and Zia just left, they dropped me home and ended up staying and I cooked them dinner. I have had a wicked weekend. Missy Higgins rocked! The support bands were fantastic and my dad and I had a really good time. Got to Dave's last night, whent and got maccas and I was half way through my burger when I nearly fell asleep with it in my hands. He took it off me and I just lied down on the couch and passed out.

Got to Brisbane Auto Salon around lunch time today. Had a great time with Cassie, hung with her mostly. Met up with Dani and Jared, it was great to see them, but it was so freaking hot! And stupid me was wearing my jeans! I could have died in the sun, and the muginess was bad too. Saw Guy and Lisa there aswell.

After we were finished there we whent back to Dave's, hung there for a while just sitting out the back, whent and got some food, whent back to Dave's for more hanging out and then we left to drop me home. We left his place about 6 got home about 7. It was such a great day. Cassie got really shitty on the way home and spent the whole time before I left upstairs. But I love Zia, we got on really well and my dad loves her.

Will be catching up with her really soon, spending some time with her and Dave. Might even be going down to Sydney with Dave in December to the battle finals of Auto Salon. It won't be good just to get away with friends in the holidays, but I might even get to catch up with mum while I'm down there...which I'll love and so will she!

I'm completely f*****. I have had such little sleep, been on my feet and had so much sun these last few days. Going to be going to bed very soon. Hope everyone else has had a great weekend.

I am soo tired. So exhusted. And soo...missing someone. I have just finished my assignment that I have stayed up till this time the past two nights doing. I am completely and utterly fucked. I want to crawl into my bed and sleep for days on end, but I want a certain someone to be in when I crawl in. To crawl into his arms. But it will never happen again, I'll never roll over to find him lying there, or wake up with his arm around me...*sigh*

Oh well I'll get over it...

On a happier note. I am getting the apprentaship at Karnak. Bella is ringing my teacher tomorrow *dances*

Well last night was interesting. At about 12:30 last night I could hear the phone ringing in my dreams but it would never ring for long. I finally woke up hearing it ring so I answered it. My dad's voice was on the line and he told me to hang up and go back to sleep. So I hung it back p but whent into his room to find out what was going on. There was someone pranking us. I walked back into my room and I had 8 messages on my phone, all from my mum. They were all blank except for two that said stuff tat didn't make sense. I sent her a message asking if everything was alright and asking if she was trying to call us.

It was Stephen. I didn't find out till this morning what was actually going on. He got drunk, whent to the Casino and lost thousands of dollars then got home and decided to act like a 3 year old. Mum's not in a good way. It's either she's leaving (which means Justin is going down to Sydney for a bit to pick her up) or he's leaving. I know it's going to be tuff in the long run if she leaves, but it's not good for her to be in that situation.

It really unnerved me last night, I didn't think he would be able to affect me still like he did. I thought that part of my life was over. I didn't end up sleeping very well after that so I'm only going into school for a half day today. Then I'm working tonight. Thought I might just update that little event.

I've had a great and lazy weekend. After I finished work Friday I helped Richard finish up in the kitchen for a bit and kept Jenna company for a little while. Bella and everyone had gone to the pub and Jenna had stayed back to take care of Luka. Went back to Richard's after that. I love his fish! Love them! And I get to keep his (can't remember the names) mexican/spanish walking fish when he moves up North!

We were only meant to have a couple of drinks then go home, but it was more then a couple, a couple of movies then hittin the sack about 5am.  Left his place about 1-1:30 Saturday arvo. Got home, fell asleep on the couch at about 2:30, jumped into bed shortly after that then got up at 11am this morning. Got up once in that time to eat and pee. Since then I have watched Panic Room, Coyote Ugly, Star Wars III and G.I. Jane, cleaned out two of my draws and organised next weekend. I have to buy new clothes for the semi-formal...don't ask what happened with the other ones.

It's been a great weekend, there is alot of other detail to talk about. But to stuffed to do it now. Hope everyone else has had a great weekend...I know I can't wipe the grin off my face.

*dances around happily to Ben Lee*

Love is grand! Even when it's not returned it's grand! I told him! Things are fine! Hopefully my love will turn to just friendly love...I hope so, either way I love him, and now he knows, and now we can move on with our friendship, not still stuck in the spot.

Had two assessment today. First part of a 3 day open book exam in English and first part of my THX street theatre. The stupid cd player didn't go loud enough and it kept making my cd skip..but people laughed and claped, so it wasn't too bad. The characters were great, even though I was running a harendious temperature.

It's been a good day so far :D:D

Well I just got called a prostitute from a complete stranger! Great!

But about my day…Zia and Dave came up last night. That was great. We went up to the servo after dinner to buy some ice-cream after dinner. I got to see Richard :) He shocked the hell out of me by tackling me with a hug while we were standing at the ice-cream fridge. It was great though, he told me I look very sexy and scrumpshish. It’s great hearing something nice about you when the person actually means it, not just saying it to get into your panties.

Dad, Zia and I went down to Pathetic Fair this morning, and Zia and I went off and did our own thing for a while. Then we all met up when Dave got there to go get some lunch. On our way to walking to where we wanted to eat…you’ll never guess who we ran into…Sean (Fate). We were just walking past City Beach and I saw him walking with two other guys off the forum, made obvious eye contact and just kept walking. I got down near the other City beach entrance, notice Dave was talking to them and stopped and turned around to see Sean walking towards me. I was standing with dad and Zia and didn’t particularly want dad anywhere near him in fear of him punching him so I walked a couple of steps away from them.

I really thought he’d get the picture I didn’t want to talk to him with the whole completely brushing him off and walking away, but no he didn’t. AND THE BUGGER EVEN HAD THE NERVE TO HUG ME! But hey, we talked for a bit, really wanted to get out of there but it didn’t seem like Zia or Dad where going to rescue me from that position so I kinda had to get myself out of it, very awkward. The whole experience kinda put me off my food and a really bad mood for a bit.

But overall, the day has been great! I bought Zia a new pair of her most favourite shoes (using up the rest of my pay) and we got a stack of new underwear and lingerie. We had so much fun Zia and I, she’s staying again tonight actually. Her and my dad get on really well, it’s kinda scary…

I don’t really have anything interesting to update about. But I get in trouble when I don’t update often enough, my cousin in England cracks the shits. :P

I have three shifts this week which I’m pretty stocked about. I have my semi formal next Thursday. Going to coffee with lunch tomorrow after work, she and I are becoming closer and closer every day and I love it. We’re going down to the tanning salon next Wednesday, I need to get rid of these really bad tan lines I have hehe. I have a 21st Birthday this weekend, it’s going to be great to catch up with Wraith, Logrus, Joe and Blade and everyone else. I’ve missed them all so much :(

I feel bad about something that happened earlier in the week. I did something that has caused some serious problems in a friend’s relationship. I didn’t know the damage I caused at the time, but I feel so bad about it now. I know that there are repercussions from your choices, but I never thought a choice I would make would affect someone else. Even though I feel bad for what has happened, I would still make the same decision in that situation. I don’t regret it, but I still can’t help but feel bad.

Really missing someone at the moment…So much that I would be willing to walk to their house to see them…

SEMI FORMAL TONIGHT!!!!

AND MY MUM'S GOING TO BE THERE!!!

What a week. I'm not sure where to start. So i'm sorry if it's a bit all over the place.

Well my mum came up on Monday! That was great! She was here until very early Friday morning. Had a great time with her, I miss her so much when she's not here. We whent shopping just the two of us on Wednesday afternoon which I really enjoyed. Mrs. Brose forced me from seeing her at one point but that can be for another time.

Had my semi-formal on Thursday night. God it was a good night. We all had so much fun and all the girls looked beautiful..sorry, all the young woman looked beautiful, they're not girls anymore. I ended up getting a blister on my toe from dancing in my heels so much. I got kissed that night too, that was interesting and kinda wierd.

Friday was a great day. Can't believe we had to go in just to be given our magazines. Holly and I whent to Spice of Life for lunch. We ended up running into; Eliot, Beesa, Pierce, Ean, Steve, Munch, some other person I don't remember the name of, Jess, Josh, Carlos, Shannon, Jason, Faith, Carmen, Mitchel and there may have been some other poeple too. Iuno, but we ran into alot of people. I also spoke to Morgan who I haven't seen in ages, we're going to catch up sometime over the holidays. But we had a really great day. I got a new bradge and bracelet from the OP shop too, it's very cool :)

Friday night I whent rounf to Jason's. Shannon and Carmen where there for a bit but then they went out. Rachel was also there, don't remember what her sir name is but she used to go to my school. We got very drunk (and rather stoned aswell). We whent through two bottles of vodka hehe. I found out some interesting things that night, some which I must talk to Molly about...must urgently! Ended up staying the night and sleeping in Carmen's bed as she was with Shannon. I so wanted to take it home with me, it was so big and so comfy.

But Saturday, I whent home, had a shower, packed a bag and whent and met Zia in Brisbane. But the events between being droped off at the station and meeting Zia were rather topsy turvy. I realised when I whent to buy my ticket that I didn't have my wallet, and i had just put the majority of the money my dad had given me for Movie World in there. I walked back down to the car park and there was my wallet with all my money gone and card and papers everywhere. I lost quite a far bit of money too. Then the train was running late. The only plus side was that I got talking with this guy Dee and his mate Tim on the platform. They eneded up catching the same train as we and going into Central. While we were on the train Dee and I realised we knew each other from somewhere, we're just not sure were. But we talked at Nerang, all the way up on the train then for an extra 30 minutes when we got into the city. We exchanged phone numbers and are going to meet up for coffee next time i'm in the city or they're on the coast.

After getting lost in the city and finally meeting up with Zia we had a great girls day. She got her nails done. We got some lunch. Whent home, watched a movie and had yummy stir fry. We were both in bed asleep by 9:30, we were both buggered. We got up this morning and caught a taxi and got maccas breakfast, god I haven't done that in ages. We looked around the shops for a while, I found some great skirts and this bright pink top I want to buy...yes! Me! Pink! Me happily buying and wearing pink clothing! Don't die of fright!

We whent home after that, got changed, had showers, cleaned up, did some washing and then we went down to South Bank. We got some really yummy greek food for lunch, Zia met a cute guy, then we went and saw flight plan. I enjoyed it although Zia didn't. When we got out of the movie we whent straight to the station cause I was supposed to be staying at Louie's tonight. But he told me his flight didn't land until seven so I whent back one station to where I had just got on and Zia and I walked back from the cinemas. All the movies started to late so we whent to the cafe that was just beside it. We got coffee and tea and all that yummy stuff and got talking with this really great guy Ty. The three of us got on really well. he's just graduated from St. Lucia.

When I finally got onto the train to go to Louie's, I get a message saying he didn't want me to come down anymore. So I was stranded....and the only person that could pick me up and help me happened to be Sean. It was really nice of him and I gave him to hugs for it...and this is when I didn't even want to give him one when I ran into him the other week.

Was meant to be going to Movie World today with Angie and the gurls for her Birthday, but her mum said she wasn't aloud to anymore (long story) and then we were going to go to the movies, but her mum didn't feel like driving twice to the hyperdome for her daughters birthday, the bitch, so everything got canceled and I spent the day with Zia instead.

I know this has been a really long post, I still have more I want to write but as it is noone is going to read this much of my dribble and I'm sure if I posted more they certainly woulnd't read it. But that's the outline of my past couple of days.

*sings oopma loompa sone*

Stayed at Nol's last night, we ended up walking out on our movie, and he brought me home on the bike this morning. I looked like a complete oompa loompa, just without the prange skin hehe. I was wearing one of his helmets and his suit, they fitted me perfectly but I still looked funny (and supposedly really cute too).

It was a good night even with the movie being shit. DON'T SEE THE MAGICIAN!!!

Why is it that you get treated as if you're stupid and know nothing about cars when you're a female?

Have been looking at Zed's for the past week because dad has said that if I can find one in good condition for a good price that I'm going to keep that he'll take me out a loan. There is one i'm very interested in and I have been treated as if I know nothing the whole time I have been hunting. I'm sick of it! I know more about cars then alot of guys! And most of the guys that own these beautiful machines!

ARGH!

Well I'm finally home. I've been up to so much these past weeks. I've done stacks of shoppin,g seen heaps of movies, spent alot of nights away from home, been to play launches, laughed, cried, been drunk and stoned, sunburnt and very wet and sandy. The last time I soent a night in my own bed was November 27th and that was just to be gone the next day. Since then I've stayed at Rachel's, Nol's, both Richard's and Shane's. I've seen four movies; (in order) Into the Blue, Corpse Bride, Flight Plan and Harry Potter. Except I saw Harry Potter on my own, I won't say anything about it because I know there will be people out there who haven't seen it.

Guy was meant to come round today, except that whent out the window seeing's Justin isn't working. Justin get's really suspicious when Guy and I spend time alone, he thinks something is going on and doesn't like it seeings Guy is Justin's best mate. So we're trying to keep it on the downlow. I mean god, Guy and Leesa have just bought a house together, and even if I did feel about Guy that way, as if I'm going to try and break that up! Sheesh!

No idea what I'm going to be doing this week, hopefully working as I haven't in the past 3 weeks and I'm really strapped for cash, not to mention I have a $260 phone bill on it's way.

Oh and by the way...my mummy will be up again really soon

Relationship problems, you've gotta love them. We all have them at some stage or another and to some degree. I wish that relationships could be simple, could be painless, but if you didn't have the troubles you wouldn't get stronger as a couple. My brother is having problems with his girlfriend and I've just gone through some tough ones with my boyfriend.

The other day everyone seemed to be fighting with their partners, it must be the time of year.

My holidays have been great so far. I've seen so many friends and had a great time. I don't have enough time to see everyone and it sucks. I need to body's so I can be in more then one place at a time. I got the rest of my christmas presents today. I hope everyone likes them. I got a presents for; mum, dad, Justin, Jason, Molly, Nol and Maddy. I wish I could have gotten everyone something but I don't have enough money at the moment. The only present I'm really iffy about is Nol's, I didn't know what he liked and I know he needs some new aftershave so I got him this pack thingy which I think smells great, so I hope he likes it.

My brother just walked out in his work uniform, he's barman at Georges. He has to wear black pants, long sleeved white shirt and a bow tie. He looks so funny lol!

I'm really restless at the moment, so much so i've been tidying my room. I can't sleep and I can't sit still. My mind is thinking about one thing, one thing only and I refuse to do anything to stop it from thinking about that. I know that sounds wierd and probably wrong, but it's not what you think.

Ben called me today. Ben Conner from Magnetic Island. His parents did a house swap two years ago with my grandparents and since then him and I have been talking a few times a week. He's up visiting his grandparents for the week and he wanted to catch up. So he's coming round here at about 10 tomorrow. I'm really stoked I get to see him. We know the ins and outs of each others even though we've only met twice. We really clicked and now he's a good mate. One that I've missed.

*dances around happily* I've already moved my bed around in my anxious energy and started to clean my room. Think I'm going to go back to it very soon. Grrr! I want my mind to be quiet!

Hey everyone! I never hear from you guys anymore and I don't get any replies, so i'm just going to sit here and talk about what's going on wih me at the moment. I've been so busy lately that no-one knows, not even I.

My mum is up again, she came up on Wednesday. I might not get to see her too much but I love having her here, I miss her so much during the year.

I got my axolotl on Tuesday. He's so cool! And he's orange! How cool is that! Richard came round for dinner on Tuesday night and brought him, the tank and the complete set up with him. We whent down and bought a bristtle nose for the tank yesterday and got completely ripped off. He's a very cute bristtle nose though (for those of you who don't know what one of those are, it's a cat fish, the ones you see stuck to the glass).

I'm all nervous and excited and jittery. Out of the blue last night Angus asked me out to the movies and lunch on Sunday. It's so cool, but I'm really nervous and everything about it. Maybe because of everything that's happened over the years and how last time we tried to do something like this the whole thing nose dived. It could also be that i've had a school girl crush on him for 4 years or somehting now *giggles*.

Life is great at the moment. I'm loving my holidays and loving spending time with my friends and family. I'm also meeting some great people and making some new friendships.

Oh I still have my stalker. Next time he calls my dad is going to speak to him, then if he continues to pester I'm going to call the police. He's really starting to creep me out and I don't feel safe.

Well I was awake at 7 o'clock this morning again so that I could spend an hour with my mum before she goes off to the fair. The fair ends today and she's going home tomorrow, very sad because we didn't get to spend as much time with her as we normally do when she's up. But hopefully it won't be ages again till she comes to see us again. Really bites donkey bum how we can't go down to see her, how I especially can never step into their house again, not if I want to keep my life and the form my body is currently in.

It's poring with that little constant rain outside and I'm meant to be going on a date today. After four years Angus has finally asked me out on a date. It' nothing big and it's more of a "making his intentions known" then a real date, but I'm stoked either way. He rang yesterday and it was quite cute actually, we were trying to figure out where we wanted to go and he turns around and says "no it's your choice you're th important one"...oh yeah so much for Amy trying to play it cool *blushes*

Was meant to be going up to the Showground markets this morning to buy a female axolotl for my male, but they'll be canceled because of the rain. So it kinda sucks. It's now quarter to nine and i'm starting to wonder what to do with myself...should I do something constructive? Watch a movie? Go back to bed? I dunno. But I'm feeling veyr loved at the moment and very special. You should have heard the things that were said to me yesterday  Only problem is is that they were coming out of the wrong mouth

I just got back from my "showing intentions and catching up". It was fantastic! We whent cafe whoring *shakes head*. He got all huffy at me when I paid for him at one of the cafes *evil grin*, but he bought me ice-cream. We ended up runing out of things to do, there's not much to do up here on the mountain, especially when you live here. It was kinda cute actually, we whent to the park and were playing on the playground and the swings. We ran into Fern and Sarah at Forest and Eliot at the park. I haven't seen them for ages and they were all very suspicious. Fern had a go at me when I sat down next to her instead of Angus, but I hadn't seen her in months and I didn't want to yell across the table (bar) about her modeling hehehe.

Amy's very happy now. I think I might put some music on and read my book. I'm home on my own at the moment, dad is down the coast and the other three are at the fair. It's been a great day and I'm being chased by a gentleman. *big smile*

My dad and I started at Springwood and went into every furniture and beding store between there and Bundall. It wasn't until the last shop we whent into did I find the bed I wanted. I bought my new bed today, it's a double colonial style, nice and solid and pretty big frame, looks like a queen but it's not.

Dad and I had a good day in all, I have the flue and we spent all day looking at beds, it was still to spend a day with him, just the two of us.

We're going to pick up the frame and mattresses tomorrow. Then on Thursday I'm spending the day with Holly and staying the night at her place, which I have never done before. I got a message from Nol last night saying he has a suprise for me and he's picking me up Friday after he's finished work and takeing me somewhere, I'm not too sure what to expect.

I wish mum was still here, I keep expecting her to call me to tell me she'll be home soon or for her to just walk through the door. I can't believe how one man can complicate so many peoples lives. I miss her so much when she's not here. I hate it, I hate not seeing her and letting myself feel so vulnarable. It's unfare.

Things are so great! Nothing is getting me down and I'm loving it. I whent up to Richard and Furry's on Thrusday, stayed there the day and the night. I met Ash and she's a great chick. We all got a little smashed and whent to South Bank for a swim. God it was alot of fun. Furry and I didn't end up sleeping at all that night and then early Friday morning...Richard and I were lying on his bed talking. He told me he loves me *sits very still* The conversation became very intimate and we both said some things and he made me cry. He made me so upset that I couldn't bare to let him see me like that. But then he told me he loves me, he always has, always will and he wants to see me in any state. I blushed and stoped crying.

Whent to Nol's on Friday, was really ill yesterday and I have no idea why. I couldn't get out of bed it was that bad. Today Nol and i hung around his place, got some lunch, whent down to the beach then came home.

I'm going to Holly's on Wednesday, staying the night there with her and we're gonna do some shopping and swimmg, not to mention girly bonding. Friday I'm going down to Richard and Furry's again, there's going to be a big bash there and I'm in the mood for celebrating the last couple of days of an absolutely fantastic summer. Then Saturday Ash and I are going shopping in the city.

BIG DAY OUT IS NEXT SUNDAY!!!! I'm so excited. So gotta get me some cargo shorts cause you don't take a bag to Big Day Out.

My summer has been great. My life is on a high note at the moment and I wish it wouldn't end. I'm loving how things are and I wish everyone could feel how I do right now. I send my love to everyone.

Hello fellow earthlings! What a great day it has been. I slept so good last night for the second night in my new bed and i managed to sleep in till 10 o'clock this morning, how wicked is that!

I watched a movie, did some washing then Richard came round. I thought today was going to be the last time I got to see him before he moved to Townsville but thankfully he'll be coming around again on Monday. Hehe he's making the excuse that he needs to do more washing. He uses our washing machine as he doesn't have one and it's just a great excuse to come see me.

We lazed around in my room watching movies, we ate pasta and tuna and a whole bag of doritos. No idea why I just wrote that, why you would want to know about what we ate I do not know. Gor I write some shit on here sometimes hehe.

Just spent the last hour and a half on the phone to Furry. God I love my Furry, we both agreed that he is successfully turning me into a Furrette hehe. You'll underdstand some day :P

Well my bro called me this morning, woke me up but it's all good. He said he's going to be with me while I take a test that will determine the rest of my life. I love my bro, he's always ther for me when I need him.

What a lazy day. I've cleaned the shower, the sink and banister and my room. Not to mention watched 3 movies and ate a million pieces of toast. I polished my clompers that Dani bought me and my knee high lace up boots. The boots took me about half an hour each to do  cause I also had to unlace them to get under the laces, it was a nightmare!

My test whent really well, happy good news all round. I'm so looking forward to tomorrow. See Richard and Furry and getting my hair done. I've decided that it's been so long since I've worn my boots and it's cool enough now to wear them that I'm going to regothic myself tomorrow. I miss my blacks and my leather and makeup. It's been ages.

I won't update probably for quite a while, so everyone have a great weekend cause I know I will. BIG DAY OUT YEAH!!!

Well I whent to Big Day Out yesterday! Totaly sick man! What a good time! The bands rocked and there were so many people there. We got no expected showers and the sun continued to beat down on us all making us hot, sweaty and sunburnt. I applied 5 layers of sunscreen yet it styill managed to find those little eares I hadn't got to and burn them to a little crisp.

But the most exciting part of the day, hehe. I popped a rib! Well completely smashed the part where your cartlidge joins onto your rib. I now have a rib the sticks out and a piece of cartlidge floating around my ribs. It's very painful. I'll tell you the story....

Arna and I had lined up to get into the baricaded area right infront of blue and orange stage. Suddenly the crowd/line surged forward and we became squeshed in between everyone for about 20 minutes. I was short of breath and my arm was at an odd angle but I was ok...until they started letting people in. Everyone started surging forward and I became squeshed up against the metal baricade. It was first right over my chest and I had alot of pressure on my ribs and breasts. I was SCREAMING! I was in alot of pain and I couldn't breath, not to mention my arm was about to be reafed out of it's socket. Then there was another big surge and I slipped up the baricade and it whent straight onto my ribs. There was a big crunch in my chest and I heard a big pop. I was screaming at the Security guard for 15 minutes for him to get me out of there, I thought I was about to pass out. When Arna finally whent off her nut at him he picked me up by the back of my shirt and pants and pulled me over the baricade. I couldn't stand up, I couldn't breath and my face was covered in tears.

I got the first aid tent and they thought I had broken two of my ribs. I was in there for about an hour and half close to two hours with an oxygen mask. They tried to give me a drip for some morphene but they couldn't get the needles into my fains cause I was in shock so I told them to stop trying and I'd deal with the pain. I got moved to a different tent. It was really embarrassing, I was in a little ball clutching my stomach and chest with an oxygen mask on...what do you reckon everyone thinks you've done at Big Day Out to be in that state? I would have rathered gotten out and walked.

But a doctor checked me out and because they couldn't get the needle in my vien I took some panadole and then whent back out there. Besides being in serious pain all day I had a fucking awsome time and I'm definatly going back next year and I won't be afraid to go into the mosh pit. Next time I will have richard with me and he will protect me. Hehe.

He came round this morning. I sent him a message last night saying he could come round as early as he wanted because I didn't want to be at home alone all day. He called me at 7:30 this morning because he was so worried about me. He got here about ( and woke me up with a kiss on the back of my neck. He then whent and cooked me breakfast. I thought today was going to be the last time I ever saw him, but it's not. He's going to come and pick me up in the morning and drive me to school. I can't catch the bus, I can't even walk to the bus stop, that's how much pain I'm in.

It's going to be so hard at school in the morning. I'm going to break down in tears as soon as he drives away. But then I'm going to see everyone and be so overjoyed at seeing them that it'll make it worse. Then everyone will fuss over me cause I'm crying and I won't know what to do. I think I'll send Holly a message saying to meet me away from everyone and then I'll go off and do my own thing. Find Rachel and sit there and talk with her. She's the only person I know that If I say 'ignore the crying' that she will. She will talk to me as if I'm smiling and everything. I know it's hard for her to do but she does it well.

I know this is a really long post but I don't really care. I'm in a wierd state of mind at the moment. I'm in serious pain, Richard's just left, my brother's moved out, I'm missing my mum and dad and I'm starting senior school tomorrow. I don't expect anyone to read this. I feel like crying just by thinking about Richard. I'm never going to see him again after tomorrow and it kills me. I feel like dying. I feel like I am dying.

What a fucking naightmare! Excuse the language but I'm pissed off! Jason called me while I was on the bus and the first words out of his mouth were what the fuck. Nice way to great a friend isn't it? I had almost no signal so I said I'd call him when I got home but my brother called before I got the chance too. Supposedly Jasmine has told him that I said to her that Jason and I dated and that the whole time he did nothing but cheat on me and that he's a lying cheating bastard, so she dumped him. And he believed her! Nothing of the sort ever happened and as if i'd say shit like that to her. She's not even talking to me. I said two words to her today, her Jaz, and she did nothing but ignore me.

I can't believe he'd believe that lying slut over me. She does nothing but walk all over him thinkings it's ok. And then she tries to lay shit on me for her problems! Nothing she says is ever try, every word out of her little hussy mouth is a lie. I thought she was alright, I thought she was just young and niave thinking that she could do to guys whatever she wanted cause she was good looking. But I was wrong. She's an evil ceniving witch and after this I swear I will never speak to her again. I will no longer try to stick up for her or try to help Jason through their problems so they stay together. I just don't care anymore and if I'm going to get treated like that they can both go shuv it.

Well now I've gotten that out of my system, still pissed off though. My rib is still really sore. I'm still missing Richard like crazy. I'm still confused and hurt and angry and depressed. but I had a wicked good day at school and I'm making new friends and old friendships are doing nothing but getting stronger. Except in the case of Jason and Jasmine. Shannon had the first day of his court case today. I wonder how it whent. I can't call him to find out because my brother made me promise not to call Jason and that he would talk to him. And if I called shannon then I would have no choice but to talk to him.

Well I've been typing really hard and fast, taking my frustration and anger out on the keyboard. So I'm sorry if there's some serious spelling mistakes in this post but I just can't give a damn about going through it and fixing them.

Dani could you please call me sometime. I really miss you and miss seeing and talking to you. I just miss you in general.

This year is going to be big, I can see it already. My friends are growing up, things are changing in all our lives, even mine. I feel like I'm missing out on something in a way. Watching all my friends go through things, become more mature, experience parts of life they never have...and I've already done all that. I feel as if I'm missing out on something because I don't get to go through it with them. I don't get to be like everybody else and experience these things with my friends. I grew up to fast and a I hate it. I want to have the mind set of someone my own age. I wish I could go back in time and experience all those things they are with them.

But things are good in my life at the moment. As good as they can be. I'm still being a teenager. Still going through teenager things. Still living a teenagers life. I whent and saw the nurse today. We spoke about things in my life that have happened and are happening. I've had to promise her to take my multivitamins, so that I can sleep properly. And she said that even though I might not be feeling the stress of senior right now, my body and my subconcious is. And I will later this year.

Well life has been pretty average lately. Holly and I have been planning our party, it's in April, joint 16th. School's been going really good, haven't been there this past week though, my dad and I have had a tummy bug, I gave it to him yesterday but he's not as bad as me, still able to go to work.

Spoke to Richard yesterday. He's missing me as much as I him. Things aren't going well with Phemie at the moment, lately he has been her last priority. I really hope things start to get better for them soon, cause he so deserves to be happy. There are alot of things I would like to say about him...and about her...and about them...and about what used to be us. But I'm not going to, I'm going to keep those thoughts to myself for once.

Justin got a job at Holden yesterday. He's so happy and we're all happy for him too, he deserves things to go his way for once. Things have been pretty awful for him lately.

I have made two more really good friends. Steph, she's new at the school, she came over from Scotland. And I recindeled my friendship with Lucas. Lucas, Steph and I along with two other girls from school whent to Dreamworld on Saturday, it was really great. I ran into Steph yesterday at the doctors, she was there for some stuff for her citazen ship, her and Lucas have been really missing me and looking forward for me to coming back to school. Really wish I hadn't gotten sick, I was so on top of things in my classes and now I'm going to have to work my butt off to catch up.

I had my other appointment with Leanee last night. I want to start first with saying that the hour in the waiting room was terrible. It was soo tense. Guy and Lisa came in and they didn't say too words to me. I'm wondering if Guy ever told Lisa. But it was so tense and awkward and I felt as if my head was going to explode, for once I was happy to get into the doctors office.

But she's sending me for a pshyc evaluation with a doctor called David Eyears. She wants to know if it bipolar, ADD/ADHD or if I'm just suffering from a severe unbalance in my hormones due to my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. So I get to go pour my heart out to another Doctor again. I really don't want to but I know it's for my own good.

I'll let you all know when I have my appointment and how it goes. It might not be for a while because we REALLY can't afford it at the moment. And I still haven't given my dad my phone bill that I got yesterday *EEP!!!*

Another day back at school after an awsome weekend. Whent to the Lesarges for dinner Saturday night then Benny (not Booga) came and picked me up at about 11:30 and i whent round his for the night. Him and a couple of other mates whent up to Willow Bank for the Nestalgia Drag Racing. Man I had a fucking awsome time!! I got so burnt on my face and I have blisters all over my nose.

Today was interesting. I spent most of the day being depressed because a year eighter was picked over me in refers to a guy. But then he pulled me aside this afternoon and I'm all happy. Will explain more when everything is sorted out. Really like him.

I walked home singing at the top of my voice, I think I freaked some neighbours out too. I reckon that Minority by Greenday should become the anthem for all teenagers everywhere.

My friend Tamara is coming to stay with me for a couple of days. Things are going really bad at home with her foster parents, who are actually her Uncle and Aunty and I expect her to get here soon after her confrence with DOCKS. So that should be good, and really good for her to get out of that situation.

What a day! I had my Tech Studies exam first up this morning. I didn't go very well I don't think. I felt pretty awkward while doing it actually, first I was sitting next to Kit (the girl Jimmy dumped for me) and then second half I was getting bombarded with questions from Jimmy's mates. Lol.

Had Volley Ball this afternoon. We have our first interschool match next Wednesday. Am kinda dissapointed because I was in my old team at first and we were going great, but now we've been spilt up so I'm going to have to play with Stacey and Moosh. And I strongly dislike them.

But besides that it was a pretty alright day. Took some great photos today in Photography and I can't wait to see Jimmy tomorrow. He wasn't at school today cause he had to go to the orthodontist today to get his braces adjusted.

I'm the happiest I've been in a long time.

I don't know what to do. My little sister is missing. I just wish she would call me and tell me everything is ok.

Had my date with Jimmy last night. It was soooo good. I still have a grin on my face :)  We had our first real kiss...he's such a bad kisser hehe.

Spoke to Richard for an hour and half last night. He's hopefully going to be up this coming weekend. I'm so excited! He's going to be glued to his kids but he said that if he has a few hours free that they'll be devoted to me :) I can't wait to see him.

I've spent most of the day doing homework. Tamara came round this morning and my dad's just left to take her home. I love her being here, she's such my little sister, and I've never had one of those before. She's calling me sis and dad, dad. He loves it and loves her, so it's worked out really well. Her and I are hopefully going to Bali at the end of the year if we can afford it. I totally can't wait!

Well I've decided to quite smoking. I'm doing it in my own way and in my own time. But I've decided that if my way doesn't work then i'm going to use those patch thingys, cause I WANT to quite. But today, being the second day without smoking...well I was a little tense and grumpy. I can see it's just going to get worse. But I have alot of people to support me.

Jimmy is staying over Friday night and then we're picking up Jason and going to Steph's party on Saturday. I love Steph, she's so wonderful and we can relate to each other on a level noone else can. I'm really glad her and I became friends.

I did my dramatic monologue today. I did so well. So far I have received full attention of the class and top mark. I'm so pleased with how well I did *dances around*

Jimmy is staying over tomorrow night *jumps up and down excitedly*

Sometimes I feel as if when I speak to my dad he hears the tone, the sounds, but never the words. Sometimes he never really hears how I feel, my opinions. Sometimes I feel like because I'm a teenager I don't count, that what I have to say doesn't matter.

I mean he does so much for me and I love him for it, but sometimes he is just so inconsiderate. I mean two weeks ago my friend Zia called and asked if she could come stay this Sunday. I said I would have to talk to her about it closer to the date because I thought I already had plans, which I did. Then last Friday she called my dad and my dad said yeah she could come and stay without even asking me if I was already busy, if I was even going to be here. And now I (!) am the one that is supposed to cancel my plans when i've had them for two weeks. It really pisses me off when he does stuff like that. I mean he never asks me anything. Never what I'm doing or if I'm busy.

I tried talking to him about it a minute ago and all he had to say was stop tlaking to him rudly. I mean how am I supposed to talk to him when he just doesn't listen to me. I said something about 5 times and he still didn't hear me. It doesn't matter what tone I say it in or if I scream it, he just doesn't hear me. It makes me want to cry.

I think I might go do that very thing.

I have had the most emotionally draining 24 hours of my life. I am not only physically exhusted but emotionally as well.

As we all know, last night was St. Patricks day. Jason, Rachel and I whent up to Main St and started our celebrations. Dani and Jared came up from Brisbane and Edward came up from Ashmore. We had such a great time at Clancy's, that was until we got kicked out because the majority of us didn't have ID. But even with all the fun we had, the night turned desasterous.

Edward has an accident on his bike. He took a corner too fast and crashed. He went through bush, over a pebble path, over two rows of boulders and then through a metal railing. And you want to know the worst parts of it? One he wasn't wearing his riding gear, two he wasn't wearing his helmet, and three he was doing it to try and impress me.

I went down to the hospital with him and I was there for about ten hours. He has cut up his face, lost most of his skin, shattered cartlidge in his ribs and knee and has lost a kidney. He's ICU but he's stable, awake, talking and moving. They are keeping him in a couple of days to keep an eye on his internal bleeding and heart rate and stuff. I'm going down tomorrow morning to see him and then hopefully again Monday afternoon. And if he's still there on Wednesday afternoon I'm going down again after school.

I'm feeling alot of things at the moment, things I would like to talk about but I won't on here because there are now people reading this that I wish wouldn't. I shall update if he changes. I need to be hugged, I need to cry, I need to shower and I desperatly need to pee. So I think I might go do all of those right now. I plan to be in bed by 7:30 tonight. So noone call please.

Well I stayed at the Jimmy's last night. We whent round to a party at Ben's last night (just across the road). It was in celebration of Eli's 17th birthday. I got pretty drunk and had a great time. It was alot of fun and it was a shame the night had to end. We're meant to be going into the city today. I am so tired and I have the slightest of handovers.

It was so good to take a break from everything. To hang out with a bunch of mates and have a good time and not have to worry about anything besides where my next drink was coming from. Hehe, Eli and Caleb got drunk for the first time. IT was so funny, Eli was so waisted, it was funny because i've always seen him as such a quiet person. Well he's certainly not under the influence.

But talking about being under the influence. Yesterday we had our Legal Studies excursion. I sat through an entire rape sentancing. And I could of been sick hearing all the details and evidence, and then when the judge gave his sentancing, I wanted to stand up and yell at him. Tell him how stupid he was being. They practicly got off scot free and it's so wrong! Things like that continue to persuade me to go into law and become a criminal judge. It's something I want to do, really want to do, to bring real justice, but I don't know if I"m smart enough. I mean I had my year 11 Legal Studies Exam on Thursday and I went pretty terribly. And that's only year 11 standards, who's to say I would be able to hack it at Uni, and then in the real world with real cases?

Also ran into Booga in the city. It was really awkward and I was so stupid, I actually whent out of my way to avoid him. I just knew I couldn't handle seing him. He's been such an asshole to me in these pasts months and after this week I just wouldn't be able to handle it. I was speaking to Mrs. Rekort while we were waiting for the bus and i confessed that id I hadn't been in school uniform that I would of hit him. But I reckon after I had done that I would have walked away, found a hole and broke down.

But I feel great today. Jimmy just cooked me breakfast and made me this really yummy milo milkshake thingy. He's so good to me and I'm so lucky to have him. He makes me so happy and I'm so afraid that if I was to tell him how I truly feel at the moment then I would loose him. I know that's stupid but it's just how I feel.

I feel SO sick! I was up most of the night with severe cramps which I just put down to monthlys, but today, omg! I have felt so sick all day, I threw up a fair bit this morning and slept most of the day. When I got up I felt even worse then I did before I whent to bed. I have a doctors appointment at 7 o'clock. So I'll get her to give me a good check over, hopefully it's just a stomach bug or something.

But what made it worse last night was that Jimmy stayed over, and he sleeps in my bed with me, so I kept him up just about all night too. The poor guy. He did something wonderful yesterday though. He walked 4 hours up the mountain to see me, and he brought flowers too! No-ones ever brought me flowers before and no-one has certainly walked up the mountain to see me before either, and to have both at once. Man! I feel so loved. And dad turned around to me when we were alone for a minute and said I think this boy really loves you. And you know what, I think he's right.

We had a great time in the city on Saturday. I didn't end up getting home till one o'clock in the morning. We met up with Dani and Jared during the day and our big gang walked around the city, taking up all the path and scaring some people, not purposfully but we were a pretty intimidating bunch. Most of the boys whent home a little earlier in the night and Ben, Caleb, Jimmy, Jared, Dani and I stayed. We had dinner and walked around for a bit, most places were shut cause it was a Saturday night, but we had a great time.

I ended up getting almost no cleaning done yesterday. Steph got here about lunch time. And then Rachel turned up not much after to borrow some shoes for work. Then Jimmy arrived. Then a bit after that Ben and Kyle turned up. Ben brought round his snake and I had some fun playing with it and freaking Steph and Kyle out. Steph is so not used to the Australian wild life. They almost no killer annimals in thr UK, how screwed up is that! Why do we

Woot Woot I whent driving again this afternoon! It was soo cool! I didn't do as well as the other night, I whent along a new road and took some corners a bit fast. But I drove up my complicated driveway perfectly. I'm so not used to sitting in the drivers seat, i'm used to the passangers angle of the road. But Glen (who's car I was driving) said I'm born to drive, I'm really good and he feels safe being in the car with me. So that's confidence building. If he feels safe with me doing 130 down Holt road then I don't think anything will make him feel unsafe with me hehe.

But today was kinda boring. Cleaned the shower, cooked myself french toast for breakfast then spent the afternoon with Tamara and Glen. I did see Lucas for a little bit, him and Tam wagged school, which I don't aprove of but there isn't anything I can do about it and I'm certainly not going to dob them in. Glen, Tam and I whent to one of the lookouts and had beer and shapes, it was good. We had a good afternoon.

I'm stressing about Jimmy's birthday this weekend. Everything I've gone to buy him either someone else has already bought it for him or it's not available yet. So I'm freaking out slighty. I don't know what to do or what to get him. HELP ME!!!

I am having such a great weekend. Jimmy's party last night, shoping with Jimmy, Steph and my dad today and it's Jimmy's birthday tomorrow. I"m at his place at the moment. We just finished dinner, he's sitting on his bed next to me practising guitar. Must go and cuddle him and wrap his presents, he's just so cute!

I feel like an overloaded computer or something. School has been so hectic in this past week and I never knew that having a boyfriend could make you busy! Not that it's a bad thing.

I am so messed up in the head at the moment, I'm just so thankful it's not showing to everyone else. Everyone has been saying to me that I'm so happy and bouncy and stuff, but secretly a little bit of me is dying. I'm loosing someone who I love and it's so hard. I can see the two of us slowly drifting further and further apart and the more I try to stop it the further we drift. So I've decided to stop trying. I love this person and I hope that they know it and if I loose them then I'll just have to keep the memories I have about the time we had together. And they're fucking awsome memories.

But in other news, I'm not going to Sydney anymore. The days Adam was going down and coming back just didn't work for us and because it's easter flights were too expensive, so I'm going to go down next holidays instead. But it's so long and away and I really wanted to see mum, especially seeings it's my 16th birthday in 2 weeks. I rang her today and she was so sad, just the sound of her voice made me want to cry.

Hehe Glen came round for a bit today. I don't know how we got to it but I ended up putting foundation, eyeshadow and mascara on him lol!

Wow it's really storming here! I hope the power doesn't go out cause I still have stacks of homework to do. Oh yeah I have some options for my senior formal dress. Let me know if anyone wants to see it and I'll post some pictures.

I have just finished my last assignment for the term! WOOT WOOT!!! I am so happy! I can't wait for tomorrow. Except the school has gotten even strickter on it's non uniform days. Previous years I have been able to wear my boots, now days we're not even aloud to wear shoes that cover our ankles. Mrs Brose is so screwed, she's even more of a bitch and continues to try to turn us into a private school. But I'm off to bed, Big weekend plan. Hope you all have a great weekend.

I MISS YOU DANI!!!

I have been having such a great holidays already so far. Jimmy came to mine after school on Friday and we went round to Shannon and Jason's. Man that was a good night. Some freaky stuff happened with Jason and Jess which made everyone in the room want to throw up but I really don't think you guys want to hear about that.

Saturday night we had Lazer Skirmish. We had such a fucking awsome time! We are all so sore, the muscles in our legs are killing us and we all have brusers and cuts and scratches and stuff. Jared and I are the worst. We were running around while croushed, covering each other, and in one game, he ran so fast down one of the ramps that he slippes and has cuts and grazers everywhere. So many people pulled out on us at the last minute and Ayla even disapeared. The people that ended up coming were: Dani, Jared, Jimmy, Rachel, Steph, Miller, Ben and a bunch of Dani's friends who I don't remember the names of.

But Rachel, Jimmy, Step and I ended up staying at Jared and Dani's Saturday night. I officially have my own room now. It's pretty cool...I get to decorate it woop woop! But anyway. We whent home yesterday, Steph got some more clothes from her place and then she came and stayed at mine last night. Her and I got up at 5 o'clock this morning after we had had very little sleep the past two nights and came back here to Brissie to theirs with my daddy.

We have had so much fun so far. Haven't really left the house except for Jared and I going to do food shopping this morning. But we've been having fun all the same. It's one of the problems of having only a one seater car, everyone else has either got to drive themselves, walk or catch a taxi. We ended up catching a taxi back here saturday night but none of us really have the money to catch another one anywhere. That one cost us $35 as it is. And the rest of my money is to buy Steph and I smokes.

I could just keep typing for hours on here. I love this laptop. It's so cool and I can type so fast on it. I've probably made a million mistakes but I just can't be fucked going back through the whole darn thing and fixing them all. Jared's looking at me funny hehe. I'm sitting in office while he's doing some work. He's taken pretty much the whole day off so he thought he better do some. Dani is asleep on their bed and Steph is asleep on the couch. I am wide awake. I think I might go have another smoke, find something to munch on and get a drink of some kind. The office is really hot and i'm already down to my undies and a t-shirt.

The bonus's of having such good friends? You can walk around their houses naked and they don't care...on the contrary, these one's perve on me and occasionally pinch my butt HEHE!

What a week! I feel like crap today, but it's been an awsome week. I stayed at Dani and Jared's till Wednesday. Glen came down and saw Steph and I Tuesday night (Glen and I didn't sleep that night). Then him and I spent Wednesday night together too.

Jimmy and I are pretty much over. I told him to fuck off and I didn't want to see him all holidays. We are fighting all the time. I'm sick of him trying to change the person that I am. I like the person I am and I want to stay like this. I want to end it right now. We had another huge fight today. I don't want to see him or speak to him.

Dad and I are meant to be seeing Harry Manx tonight, don't know if I'm going to be up for it though, I feel like crap and my throat is really tight. I might stay home tonight, speak to him about it when he gets home, see if he wants to take someone else or if he wants to take me.

Why is it that people as a whole put themselves through so much heart ache? I don't understand it. We spend our whole lives looking for love but we put ourselves through so much hurt and heart ache looking for it. Why?

Jimmy has just asked me to tell him how I really feel at the moment, and I'm afraid that if I do then he's going to cry and be all hurt and sad and then do something to hurt himself. And I don't want to. But at the same time I have always promised myself to follow my heart. And my heart is telling me to break up with him. So much has happened in the last two or so weeks that tells me I should break up with him before we both get really hurt and I start to resent him.

Well today is my 16th birthday. Happy Birthday to me. I've had a pretty awsome day. Ben came up this morning and took me out for birthday breakfast at Forest. We spent a while there then we whent for a cruise around the mountain. We ended up going down to the coast where he paid for me to get my tragus pierced and we got McFlurrys hehe. Then after that he dropped me off at Scotty's and I spent a little bit there.

I just came home cause Glen was meant to be getting here about 4...but he just stood me up for a second time. I was meant to be staying at his last night and all day with him today. But last night fell through and he had to go into work today. He called a couple of minutes ago to tell me he doesn't know when he's finishing work or if he can even see me now. I'm so pissed off and sad.  This is meant to be a really happy day and it's ending shitty. I woud love to have one birthdya atleast that isn't shit or end in shit. I don't remember the last time that happened.

I just found out my best friend is dating my boyfriend. I mena you'd think that they could have atleast of waited till him and I broke up officially to stab me in the back don't you.

FUCK STEPH AND FUCK JIMMY! Say it with me now *waves hands in the air then falls into a ball crying*

I'm not sure if I posted it before, but I found out on Saturday that Jimmy and Steph have been dating since my birthday, so he's was cheating on me. They really rubbed it in this morning at school. They came down to MY group of friends, stood next to me and started hugging and kissing while staring at me. Supposedly I've lied, I was the one that cheated. I never cheated and I never lied. He was the one that cheated and she's the one that's lying. I am not ok, I am not ok at all. Noone understands how I feel though and it kills me cause I can't talk about it. My dad keeps saying I should just get over it but I can't. It's not something you can just get over, especially when It was two people that I trusted so much.

He keeps saying I lied to him. I never fucking lied to him. I never lied to anyone. I hate liers and I could never be one, especially to someone I feel so strongly about. Why do they keep hurting me? Why do I keep being hurt by people I love and trust? Do I put my trust in the wrong people?

They turned up on Saturday night, even though I told them not to twice. After I told them they were not welcome here. I can't believe they would do that. I am so hurt. I feel like a little child who is lost in the shopping mall. I'm standing here crying and everyone keeps looking and walking on. Why won't anyone help me?

Well I'm doing much better. I've found out that Steph has been lying to Jimmy and that he's what she's wanted from the start. So I guess she only became my friend so that she could stab me in the back. I'm moving on from them, I'm bigger then they are and I know I did nothing wrong.

Last night was awsome. Had a pretty shit day yesterday so I ended up going round to Scotty's with Peter. Came home and I spent the entire night in the house on my own while everyone else was outside. After dad whent to bed I snuck out and Rhett picked me up. He wanted to take me somewhere as a suprise, and I tell you what. Kangaroo Point at Midnight is definatly a suprise.

We stoped in at one of the 7/11 on the way home and got some food...that was really amuzing hehe. Then made our way back to the mountain. We whent to one of the look outs. Fuck it was cold last night. We were there for a couple of hours and I ended up getting home at about 6 this morning. It was a really good night.

For those of you who don't know who Rhett is, he's someone I met at the Harry Manx concert with my dad. We're building up a really good friendship which is really cool cause there are no hangups and shit like the people you meet up here.

But today I'm vegging out at home. Waiting for Glen to come round sometime this afternoon. Smoking too much which is not helping this blasted cough which the doctor says I'll have for another two months. I hate being sick.

I finally got my package from my nana today with my birthday presents. There were two cups, a towel and a really cool pair of nitted socks. I love the socks, they are soo cool.

I'm well and truly over the Steph and Jimmy thing. The two of them don't bother me any more, it's when they do things to hurt me, or humiliate me infront of my friends and classmates, that gets to me. But I'm over it, accepted what they did, what they're doing, even if I think it's wrong.

I started dating Jamin on Sunday night. My brothers housemate and one of his and Sara's friends. I met him when Justin and Sara got back together and  we just clicked. We're taking it slow and just seeing where it goes, don't want to take it too seriously. Although I'm missing him as hell, we had a great weekend.

Missing mum stacks. Don't know if she's still moving up because she hasn't mentioned anything to me about it yet and hasn't said anything new to Justin. I wish she would though. I'm back at school and loving it. Not there today as it's Super Wednesday and I refuse to ref a bunch of whinging teenagers that swear at me.

I have not slept. I have been awake all night. My body has just started to feel really tired and sore. I want to go to bed but there is not point cause I have to be up in an hour. Just gonna have to push through it today. I'm going to call my dad in the morning and tell him what's happened and the fact I didn't sleep. Maybe call my principle and see what she says. I don't think they'll give me today off after my suspension and I don't really want to spend another day at home.

My neck is killing. It's so sore and stiff. And my hands are hurting from the boxing I did last night at Scotty's. I was putching the putching bag and my nuckles are all swollen and bruised now, I haven't hit anything in a long time. It felt wierd, really wierd. I don't know if I could bring myself to hitting a person anymore. But I'm sure that if faced and cronfronted by certain people I could.

In a wierd mood. I started to down spiral last night after the accident, but I managed to pull myself out of it. Now I just feel dead. I don't think I'd have the energy to pull myself out of another one. I think I would just let it take control of me. But I have been looking at the computer screen all night so I think I might go have a shower and watch some tv, try not too fall asleep.

I hate when you have to take time off school cause you're sick or injured, especially injured, you feel like an invilid. I go back on Monday, really looking for ward to it, not looking forward to carrying my bag around though.

Ben and I are officially dating, don't know if I said that. We have been for 2 weeks now. He treats me better then anyone has (ANYONE). And as a bonus, him and my dad are good mates. He's actually coming up Friday night while I'm at my mates hens night just to hang out with my dad.

I love that they get on. Well my neck is still really sore, it's getting better really slowly and I'm seeing the Physio every two days. Hope everyone is good. I miss school!

I cannot wait for this term to be over. I've been there one week and a couple of days out of it and they are still expecting me to do my exams. I just want it to end and then go back to school next term and work my butt off to get my grades back up.

Ben and I are going terrifically. He's had some troubles at home lately, I'm not his mothers biggest fan and Kiba had to be put down on Monday. On top of that he had to take one of his piercings out today cause the bar was too small, he got a new one but couldn't get it in and it's going to cost him another $120 to get it repierced.

Life's been pretty slow lately. Spending heaps of time with Ben which has been great, but other then that I'm tired of being in pain. My neck is still sore and my knee is killing me. I'm much better now though, I'm walking around and I have heaps more movement in my neck. Can't wait to be all better.

We're  going up to Willow Bank this weekend for the Winternationals. I've been waiting all year for it, to see the top fuelers. WOOP WOOP! On top of that Ben's entered his exa into Powercruise, booked the garage and everything. I can't wait for that. It's just a bummer that it's before I get my L's, otherwise I would be aloud to drive it around the track. But he's been teaching my to drive a manual car. It's alot harder then an automatic I tell you. But I like a manual, you really feel how the car moves. Enough car talk for me. I do enough of it with Ben hehehe.

Hey everyone! Yes I am still alive! I've been really busy lately, I finally got back to school and was working my ass off to get back on track and now I'm on holidays. Tonight is going to be the first night away from Ben in about two months. I'm missing him terribly already. I'm up in Strathpine vissiting Shane and Kathy. I made dinner tonight and bought some really yummy apple pie and custord for desert.

Not doing too well with the whole quiting smoking thing. But I've cut down heaps. It's just making me so crabby. I hate being so grumpy and snappy. especially when I take it out on Ben, he doesn't deserve it. Although he does enjoy pushing my buttons when I'm like this hehe.

Well I'm going to go now. I have to go through the 157 emails I've got and then sit down and hopefully be done by the time Grey's Anattomy starts. Hope everyone is good, I miss you all heaps and would love to hear from you.

It has been forever since I've been on here or even checked the account. Things have been so everywhere but so great. Ben and I are still doing strong and very much in love. Pumba our puppy is getting huge and so is Felix our kitten. Dad is absolutely in love with Felix, it's so cute after he hated that I'd bought him without asking. Our fishies look great and they're getting big too. We've gotten two rats that are beautiful! We let the blue tonuge go the other day, she was finally eating again and we'd gotten rid of all her ticks and treated her cuts. She must be very happy because we haven't seen her since we let her back into the wild.

On a sadder note...my Uncle John is dying. We got a call on Sunday from one of his mates telling us that he was in hospital in Dubbo and he was dying. He hasn't been well for a while now and his kydney's are shutting down. I was very sad to here it and I cried for a long time that day. I begged with dad for us to go down there and see him before he passes away but dad's going away next week and can't afford to take anytime off. So I'm going to call him at the Hospital tomorrow and tell him that I love him and I will never forget him. My dad has know Davo since before I was born, they used to do pistol shooting together, so even though dad doesn't show it I know he's broken up inside, I just wish there was something I could to help him, but he's got to get through his grief in his own way and I know he doesn't like letting me see him crying.

My good mate Glen is leaving on Sunday. He's moving to Tasmania (land of the two heads)! He's engaged to this beautiful younge lady named Amber and they're having a baby. He is so happy and I'm so happy for him, it's about time something whent good in his life. Especially after all that stuff with hig girlfriend and his brother. We had goodbye drinks last night and he passed out drunk at 7:30 haha. He's a total cadburry and had been drinking all day hehe.

Well I've gotta leave school in about half an hour and I should brush my teeth and find my school books. Besides those two things I've been ready for about two hours hehe. Can you tell I'm eager to get back to school hehe.

I miss my boy!!!